Husband's evening hobby making things hard

This.

He sounds incredibly selfish.

This is an easy one. Stop cooking for him.

He sounds so dreary, OP. What’s he bringing to the table? Nothing but needs and incapability that honestly sounds exaggerated. Life as a single parent is tough, but this sounds tougher tbh.

Oh mate, your life would be so much easier if you just ended it.

He has anger issues and doesn’t want to be a family. Sorry.

Your anxiety will evaporate along with him.

He sounds utterly & hopeless selfish, not ADHD (so easy for ppl to call on that to justify their behaviour) just selfish.

This whole 'I need an adrenaline rush every week' sounds pathetic & whiny & is giving me 2nd hand ick. Can't run with the dogs cos he doesn't want to - that's responsibility which he's clearly trying to avoid. His knees are fine to do what he wants.

It must have gotten pretty bad for you to have moved out for 3 weeks/months (can't recall which), what happened?

He doesn't like fatherhood and the responsibility that comes with it. It uses up his time and he'd rather be doing something more fun.

While I agree that parenthood can be really tough and shit, he can't go back in time.

As his child gets older, he will not suddenly decide to put her first.

I imagine your stress is caused by the above situation.

If you can move back to your mums and she is happy to support you emotionally and practically (live with her) I'd jump ship asap.

Wanting to do a hobby two nights a week. Fine.

Not bring able to meal prep, being a picky eater, not doing his fair share so you can also have two evenings off, having a violent temper, wanting more than two nights a week off- absolutely not fine.

I don't think 2 nights a week for hobby is a problem. His hobby taking so long, him not being able to return the favour, his short temper and lack of doing his share is the problem. My hobby is 2 times a week and we have mothers there. It works because their husband looks after their kids and in return they looks after the kids when their husbands have their hobbies. If game schedule going on top of each other they take turns.

"my husband struggles with our daughter and doesn’t like to be left alone with her"

This is terrible and you should address it. That's not parenting, you should both be able to have some time away from your child! He sounds like a man baby who shouldn't have had children.

Oh God, OP. I feel exhausted reading all your posts. He needs to step up or ship out (then he can see how much hobby time he has when your daughter is 50/50 between you!)

When you have a small child, your lives naturally take a back seat for a bit and you both compromise. It seems like you have done all the compromising whilst he has done none.

If he can't run how is he going to join the marines part time ? He's wouldn't pass the fitness/ medical tests surely , my brother was nearly discharged on medical grounds during basic training when he damaged a tendon on exercise across dartmoor

So 2 nights of a sport hobby, 1 night of warhammer, plus nights working away too...What do you do at the weekends, do you spend time as a family then? Or is that when he's on his bike?

How were you during your separation? You've said he fell apart but how did you find it?

If he struggles with being alone with your dd, that's all the more reason to do it - regularly. He has to get used to acting like a parent. Maybe get a hobby of your own (or just go and see a friend or whatever), two nights a week? Two nights out for him, two for you.

The hobbies are in many ways unimportant Op, it's all the reasons they're a problem that's important. Your DH does sound like he could have ADHD but that's a reason, not an excuse, he's so hell bent on the adrenaline rush that he's trying to take more and more time away from the family to chase that rush. He missed you and wanted you back after 3 months but it hasn't changed him, he's still happy for you to be trapped at home with no down time. You say he's so loving with your DD but that's the easy part, actually giving your DC his time and attention is what's missing.
Quite honestly this won't get better unless he gets a diagnosis and takes medication which might help, if he won't get proper help the therapy won't make much difference. As time goes on he'll leave more and more to you Op and you'll end up leaving him anyway

At this point I am out. Why are you with this guy? He’s a useless parent, rarely cooks/cleans, buggers off at least three nights a week AND he’s a fussy eater! No wonder you are stressed out - he’s a big baby! Serious talk required. You would be better off without him if he won’t take your concerns seriously. Bed times do get easier, but you probably need to work on her behaviour a bit too - she will absolutely be picking up on your stress.

If he doesn't enjoy parenting, the solution is for him to engage with it properly so that he develops his competance and can move to enjoying it. I'd be encouraging him to take two days off work to spend with your DC and making him take a day a weekend and a night a week by himself.

If he's depressed - and it sounds like he might be, he might well want the adrenalin as a mood regulator. But there are some other ways for him to get this, e.g. diet, anti-depressants, more sustainable exercise.

I'm a firm believer in parenting being a skill that can be fostered, but that requires him to want ro do it. One night a week for a hobby is fine, and some time out of the house for you as a couple would be ideal. But if he isn't willing to try to develop his fathering skills, then frankly I'd give him a shove.

You can take the bloke out of the forces but you can’t take the forces out of the bloke.
They will always put their tribe first not their family.
This is not going to get any better OP.

I see very few redeeming features in this man.

Get rid of him and have your daughter with you every day of the week! Why should she need to be palmed off to granny hours away?

'MissDoubleU · Today 16:14

“My therapist said I’m not getting a big enough rush of adrenaline.”
Ah yes. The therapist also said he should have a threesome and never has to do the dishes.'

This made me laugh out loud!

I am sorry OP that you are having such a hard time of it with your DH, DD and your own mental health.

I wish his therapist could help him to see how useful an ADHD diagnosis and maybe medication could be.

I think that you need to take the things that you are telling us to your couple's counselling.

Meantime, I like the idea that you respond to his failure to prep the family evening meal with a simple ready meal. Keep some in the freezer for just this situation. If he can't prep then he can't expect you to cook from scratch. His choice.

Good luck

You are absolutely not being unfair. Sadly selfish men who lack empathy will never change.

Why doesn't he just fuck off and move out for all the use he is?
When do you get your adrenalin rush?

Honestly, I would put to him that you're thinking of leaving and see what his reaction is. You're doing it all on your own anyway and if you were to leave you could contemplate being closer to your family who sound like they want to help, unlike him. He's self indulgent. Ask him what you get in return for him being out all the time? You have absolutely lost your life and he hasn't changed at all. Put yourself first and leave

He is being unreasonable as he has zero thought to your mental health, just wants to prioritise his own. Yes looking after 1 child shouldn’t be that hard, but OP is struggling, and instead of parking hobbies during early years he ramped them up. I mean I could have certainly benefitted from a hobby, or some help, but I didn’t get it and that’s the reality when you’re a parent. Maybe he needs to change his job for the adrenaline he seeks, not just using excuses to get out of parenting.

But you’re not doing it all the time, just two or three bedtimes a week max?