Friend forgot my child's birthday

YABU to be upset that she forgot your child’s birthday.

YANBU to be upset that she has not replied to you since the weekend.

But I would give her the benefit of the doubt because she may be busy or may have thought she had replied but hadn’t.

I don't expect my friends to remember my sons' Birthdays. Some do, some don't.
However, if I told them in a text that it was their Birthday then I would expect an acknowledgement and good wishes in their reply, in the same way that I would expect someone to respond to anything I send in a message e.g. I got a new kitchen this week. It's how conversation and friendship works.

OP, I think you need to wait to see what your friend says when she does reply.

If I tell my friends things and they don't show any interest, and instead just wang on about themselves then I wouldn't really regard it as a close friendship.

A lesson we all have to learn is life is we shouldn;t project what we think or do onto other people and expect they think or do the same.

it's the basis of most relationship problems, especially on MN.

I don't think you can expect friend to remeber your child's birthday. I don't and quite hienetly I won't unless it is my Godchild. However, it would have been polite to say congrats after you told her it was their birthday. You can stop with the gifts.

Maybe she has other things going on. your child's birthday is important to you but it never going to be as important to someone else. It's lovely that you make the effort for her children but I have trouble remembering family birthdays let alone friend's kids. My MiL used to by presents and things for her friend kids birthday, weddings etc. but never got anything back. If it really does bother you, 'forget' her kids birthday and see if she comments.

I would take this as my cue to stop with my birthday gifts and cards to her children too.

Add me to the group of eye rollers.

Mu eyes had only just come back to the front after the “I didn’t word that well”. No, you got slammed and tried to backtrack (soften) what you said.

Classic Mumsnet, where it's apparently unreasonable to expect anything ever from your friends.

OP, I have two very close friends who my baby will call auntie. They're literally my ride and dies. One in particular I spent my entire childhood with, and I consider her my sister. We go to all of each other's family events. I always remember their children's birthdays and get gifts, and I'd feel pretty gutted if this wasn't reciprocated.

I wouldn't expect it of an average friend, but I absolutely would of close friends if you have a relationship where you also get their kids something.

I think that poster was being sarcastic

I used to raise an eyebrow when dsil didn't send ds a birthday card or present. I thought ahead change when she had dc. Nope. I just stopped sending them cards as she clearly couldn't be fagged with it.

I would never expect a friend to remember my child’s birthday. If they do I think it’s lovely and going above and beyond.

Me too! But hey we are not good people like the op 😂

😂

I forgot a good friends big birthday , but as I’m a good friend in all other ways and buy her flowers for lots of other occasions in her life I assume she will let it slide - I hope !

Perfectly put.
I love all my nieces and nephews and my friend's kids. I don't always remember or get a gift on time. But do try to show up and show I care when it matters.

Giving something to someone should not put them under any obligation to reciprocate; though there is an unwritten social contract whereby you exchange cards and gifts with friends in a like for like manner. I’m guessing that for you, this expectation extends to children. I’d do your best to let it go. Maybe next time you see her, mention that your child had a nice birthday and she can then show interest and look pleased for you. You say you care too much which makes it sound like she’s thoughtless by comparison; in reality you just have different standards in this area and it would be a shame to hold onto resentment towards her for just being herself. If a friend (or partner) is not giving you what you want from a relationship then you either need to reset your parameters or find someone else.

She’s friends with you Op, not your child.
stop buying for her child.
problem solved.

I’ve known my best friend for 40 years, she has two kids. I have no idea when her kids birthdays are, I think one is November. I don’t expect her to care about my son’s birthday.
I understand you are thoughtful and remember, so this is why it stings a bit, but the majority of my friends have no idea when my sons birthday is, or will send a quick WhatsApp when I post about it on social media. It’s not a big deal.

Jeez this is a bit harsh. Why would you feel the need to cut someone off because they didn’t remember your child’s birthday.

The average person has a few children of their own, their siblings will have multiple children, their partners siblings will have multiple children and that could easily add up to 20+ kids! It is completely reasonable and normal not to add your friends children to that never ending list of presents and even remembering!

That doesn’t make someone not a friend and doesn’t mean you need to block them and never talk again.

It sounds like you also need to lower your expectations.

Oh come on, surely everyone makes a fuss of cats though lol.

I definitely know my friends cats better than their kids. Usually when we hang out the kids aren't there (house parties etc... with drink so kids staying with grandparents, visits to watch a film after the kids in bed, meeting at the pub for lunch while kids at school or out with dad etc...) but if at the house the cats are there getting cuddles.

I'm friends with the parent not the child, from before the kids existed. No one CHOOSES to hang out and be friends with little children as an adult unless theres something a bit weird/dodgy about them. Being polite if they are there as their yes (same way I would be polite to my friends 90 year old grandma if she was there but not actively seek to hang out with etc...), but being active friends who hang out with nope, weird.

On the getting rarer and harder to organize with each child in the group occasion we get to get together and I see my friends the last thing I want is to be in full parent mode watching mine or their kids. That time is adult time (where we can actually talk and relax) and a well deserved break from the parenting we do all day every day.

Its weird when people think their kid is a part of them that must be dragged along in their adult friendships, its the same way I'm not friends with my kids friends. I have my friends and my kids have their own friends, of suitable age and scenarios with healthy normal boundaries for each.

I’d be a bit upset too seeing as she uses her phone a lot. In the future, send a text or card, but not presents for her children.

This is how you handle it : )

Release yourself from the obligation OP. My friend was stressing about forgetting my daughter’s birthday but honestly she just turned 13 and she doesn’t expect cards from my friends now. My friends son is 17 and I haven’t sent him a birthday card in about 5 years. I’m guessing neither your child nor hers are short of presents around this time so just accept life has moved on and save yourself the angst.

@Mrsbattenburg kindly, you need to get more resilience to deal with this.

Other than my immediate family or if we throw a party for my DC, we don't expect birthday cards or wishes from anyone.

If I post on FB saying 'Happy Birthday to my lovely DC' - I then get a lot of 'hearts' &/or messages from friends - I do the same for other friends' DC. That's it.

You are expecting way too much. Just because you hold great importance in sending cards etc doesn't mean that others feel the same.

How or why would even remember all these birthdays ?