Friend forgot my child's birthday

Crikey

you need to find your sense of proportion

It’s usual not to remember friends’ children’s birthdays, but it’s unusual not to say Happy Birthday when reminded. Some people are a bit rubbish! (People’s shittiness still surprises me even though I’m 47 already). She might be embarrassed though and so might be frozen in her tracks. The only way to find out is to talk to her about it - then you’ll know if she’s alright ir not. But god… some people are just unbelievable, it’s true.

Just say you’re going to stop exchanging gifts - she can hardly insist that you continue and it stops you being so disappointed.

Match her energy OP. Stop the presents and cards blah blah blah. Less noise in your life. Thinking that others have to behave like you or find the same things important is setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. It took me years to learn this, but now I am much happier for it.

Why would they remember unless you were having a party for your DD.
I do remember some of my friends' DC's birthdays - very close ones - tbh I barely remember my own friends' ones sometimes if I have a lot going on - obviously I do for my v close friends but others, no.

I have so much going on I struggle to keep up with the birthdays in my own home. Yabu its not that deep

1. "I would if that was me" - but that doesn't mean that texting is the right thing to do and not texting is wrong. You're not better for doing it. You are putting effort in, in a way which is meaningful to you, and hopefully she appreciates that. But maybe she doesn't have time for all this. Sounds like she has more than one child while you have one. She's probably busy and who knows what has gone on in her life this week.
2. One definition of being hard work is someone who has a specific idea of how others should respond to them, and will feel wronged if other people don't play out this script. But the other person may have no idea that you d expect them to respond in a certain way. You're taking it personally as meaning she doesn't value your friendship, when it may well just mean she's been very busy, or preoccupied with something else, or just doesn't think that a text about someone else's kid's birthday is that important.
3. "Maybe I care too much and try to make an effort" - you're being passive - aggressive here. That can really make it difficult for your friends to interact with you on an adult basis. They may feel like they're walking on eggshells or trying to interpret how you feel. Perhaps it would be better to just say honestly and openly to your friend something like :

Thanks for the scold. So you put your friends in categories?! Very close friends, friends you consider to be your sister, average friends? How about convenient friends, awful friends, useful but awful friends, usefulf but unimportant friends? Your life must be exhausting keeping track of what you expect from each catergory!

It’s actually kind of sweet to see someone soooo wrapped up in their child that these are the big issues in their life. There’s so much horror in the world, yet this country still has people living such a high quality of life they’re upset about this! It’s hard enough to remember my own children’s birthdays 😂Maybe adopt a few (more) pets!

I think it might be satire?

God I struggle to remember all our family kids birthdays never mind friends!

It has the whiff of the martyr about it doesn't it?!

When my bunch of girlfriends starting crapping multiple children out we all agreed a happy birthday text was sufficient. Who can remember all those dates 😱

Did your child notice? Were they distraught that YOUR friend forgot to wish them happy birthday? If this is all you have to worry about then aren't you lucky?

No. You are not alone. 😂

This is your friend op she is not the mother to your child.
Not everyone is going to remember.
I cant tell you when my niece or nephews birthday is.
My sons 22 in a few days im not expecting anyone to be blowing up my phone with messages.
He will be at work anyway same as me life goes on.

I would also far rather spend time with people's cats than their children.

@housethatbuiltme Love your description about dragging their children into adult friendships, it's so true.

Agree that your expectations are a bit high, OP. Sorry if the message has come across a bit harshly here, but honestly, she has 4 kids - I'm amazed if she knows her arse from her elbow 99% of the time!

You'll be doing yourself a huge favour if you deal her a huge amount of grace and brush it off, honestly.

Time to stop the gifts for her kids and just drop in a birthday text. I really think she'd be grateful for it.

Just you.
My eye roll was substantial.

When I saw someone had replied to my comment I was expecting it to be someone angry about what I said.

But YES YES YES. I couldn't agree with you more. I don't dislike children, but I wouldn't choose to socialise with them and when they are around it dominates the conversation.

Due to being ND I'm not amazing at pretending to be interested in topics that bore me (little Sophia's new love for playing the recorder).

I also gravitate towards people's cats. I relate to introverts who dislike strangers and enjoy naps + treats 😁

My best friend and I always lose track of each others kids' dates but always have the month right - we just check with each other around the time to make sure we don't miss it.

If we do,then no big deal at all! Life happens, it doesn't mean we don't care.I wouldn't let this upset you - and blimey,don't say anything to her. Particularly if you value her friendship.

Same. We gave up on it really early.

I couldn’t tell you my friends’ children’s birthdays, just as they’d have no idea about mine.

I don't expect anyone to remember childrens birthdays other me, DH and grandparents. Both of my best friends are godmothers and would never forget, DH best friends wives usually send a card but wouldn't be disappointed as such if they didn't.

If my friends threw a hissy fit for me not acknowledging their child's birthday they would be ex friends pretty fast.

Instead of being angry or disappointed, match her energy.

Also, it’s saved you a job.