Dating sister's ex

Years ago, when I was a college lecturer, a pair of twins I taught dropped back to say hi a year after they left, and show me their babies - I said something like, oh, both the same age, they replied to all in the offices horror "same father"!!!
interesting family dynamic there!!

I think being together a few months is a little different to somone,you have had a few snogs,with even though it's not serious
Both me and my sister are in our 50,s now and when younger both kissed a few
of the same boys ,but I don't think I could ever have sex with Someone had
You can't forbid it though

My very first thought was that the boy is using your younger daughter to either prove a point or he’s just getting off on the idea of being with the sister of his ex. Each of your updates reinforces that even more tbh.

I’d be very wary of this, and your older DD’s warning of “you don’t know what he’s like” would be ringing all kinds of alarm bells for me.

I don’t know what to advise I’m afraid, but I would be worried.

The fact he crashed the car with your daughter inside due to dangerous speed would be a massive worry too.

The reckless driving would worry me MUCH more than anything else - I’d be teaching both my DDs that this is a giant red flag. After crashing the car with your eldest daughter in it I’m shocked the idiot is even allowed within a mile of your kids, OP.

As a secondary issue, the thought of dating someone my sister had slept with is absolutely revolting, so I’d advise her to steer clear on that front too!

This. And DD2 is vulnerable. Sickening.

From an objective and rational perspective it’s perfectly fine. They were never serious and it’s very unlikely DD2 will go on to marry him. However if that was me and my sister there would have been a blood bath. It would’ve been one of those where my mum would’ve had to pry us apart and lock us in separate rooms.

Honestly I think you need to let them work it out themselves, but I’d tell DD2 it’s not the done thing. Also I would tell her to be wary of this boy. He may well be doing it to piss off your other DD, and he will almost definitely be bragging to his mates he’s shagged them both or something vulgar like that. Maybe he isn’t like that, but when I worked with teenage boys they were all like that, even the sweet ones.

Given the update I would be having a firm talking to her. You obviously can’t control her but teenage boys can be grim. He’ll be going around bragging he’s shagged two sisters.

Just read the car crash thing, I don't think anyone should date him.

My sister married by first boyfriend (years later). It's a little odd but I'm just happy she's happy.

As teens though I think most people would struggle with this. That doesn't mean I don't think your daughter should say no.

They can, absolutely. But teenage boys can also just be very simple minded.

Dated her, didn't work, broke up. Like her, want to date her. Simple.

I feel especially how his behaviour was then its possible that he is doing it on purpose. Maybe sister can have a proper chat and tell her what he was actually like and just say I want better for you.
I'd also tell DD that obviously she can do what she pleases but just be prepared that it could ruin her relationship with older sister forever.

The car crash incident would be my first concern. Does he still drive like an idiot, if so then I would be talking to her about not getting in a car with him first of all

I also think (as some PP have said) it's a bit 'urgh' to pursue the younger sister of a previous girlfriend and would be wondering about his motives. But I can see it might be hard to explain your concerns to a 16 daughter who is ND and this potentially more vulnerable already. I think you have to try, without taking a heavy handed 'forbid' approach - and as you have said, get more info from your older DD on what her comment meant

I would discourage this.

1. The car crash (and it seems like it's all within the last year so quite recent) shows he's immature and dangerous.

1. He had sex with DD1 and now wants to put his penis in dd2 less than a year later? I find this disgusting, does dd2 not find that disgusting too?

I think with her ASD you have to gently guide her if possible

Oooph sounds a bit suspect tbf but it's one of those things you have to let go as a life lesson and hope the younger dd can navigate it appropriately.

This update changes it somewhat!

It sounds like DD1 has concerns about his general behaviour. If he crashed his car at speed showing off, I wouldn't be very keen.

So I would now be concerned that DD2, who you have described as ND, is about to date someone a few years older than her who is sexually active and has no regard for his or anyone else's safety.

@Stubtoe By talking to her.

I would worry that your 16yo is getting taken advantage of due to her autism. Are we sure this guy actually likes her or is he using her to get back at his ex?

At their ages unless you have concerns about her safety then no, don't intervene.

My first thought would be he wants the kudos of having dated sisters (sadly a lot of porn now fetishises this kind of thing) and/or he wants to make a statement to his ex.

God if her sister is going to keep going through a few boys every couple years then the dating pool for little sister is getting smaller! At this age and when she’s had a few lads in those couple of years I wouldn’t class any of them as ex’s.

Don’t get involved.

Nope! I’d try my hardest to prevent her dating him, it’s just not worth any potential fall out.

At 25 mortgage together years weird yes at 16, doesn’t really matter… I would keep out of it.

"ex" is a big word for a short lived teenage thing