Was neighbour BU?

Is 8pm late?

I had this with a neighbour with a young cat that hadn’t come home and seemed to be constantly up my tree, miaowing. Neighbour knocked on my door several times resulting in a lot of time and all sorts of shenanigans trying to get the cat down. Totally bloody annoying and disruptive to my free time.

Yes, you were being unreasonable and you do sound overreactive and entitled.

Time is complely irrelevant. People don't have to answer their doors full stop. It's not an obligation.

I can't stop him jumping over the high fence.

Yes, you can. It's perfectly possible to cat proof your garden and you should have done it before you let him out for the first time, particularly as you live in a built up area, for his safety. There are mesh panels that curve inwards which you attach to your fence panels, for example. Catios. Do a search for "cat proofing garden" and all sorts of things will pop up. It's not your neighbours' responsibility to track down your cat for you, whatever they were doing. It's none of your business. And, you may well find that those neighbours already aren't too keen on your cat if it's hanging out in their garden.

YABU. No one is obliged to answer their door to anyone. I would hate anyone coming to my door after about 6pm, that is my evening time when I will be preparing dinner, relaxing in front of the TV, I might even have changed into my sloppy clothes which I wouldn’t want neighbours seeing me in!

I certainly wouldn’t take kindly to being asked to look in my garden for someone’s stupid cat just because you can’t find him. Are you proposing to pester your neighbours every time you can’t find the cat? That would really piss me off. As would it if your cat kept coming into my garden to pooh and scare birds. You need to cat-proof your garden.

Yes, this is definitely correct. Only London people stay up past 8pm. Country bumpkins in the Cotswolds, the Lakes, Birmingham and Manchester have nothing better to do than go to bed, maybe with a horlicks and a book to read by candlelight. 🙄

Snide.

Unless you could see your cat stuck or trapped in the neighbours garden I wouldn’t have gone knocking. If you let cats out you have to get used to the fact they don’t always want to come in and they go where they want. The longer and warmer the nights the later and later they will want to be out.

I don’t have neighbours, but if someone I had never met or spoken to appeared at my doorstep at 8.30pm and asked me to go into my own garden to look for their cat then yes 100% they would be told to fuck off because obviously that’s a wholly unreasonable request, as the poll from your original post has hopefully highlighted to you.

But, my AIBU is whether I am wrong to think the neighbour was being unreasonable in not opening the door to someone who is obviously a neighbour and likely in need of help / a favour?

Yes YABU.

It's yours and your DH's attitude that a straying cat is someone else's responsibility.

Would you be tolerant if that neighbour had a dog which found its way into your garden? And fouled your garden? Cats foul gardens, but somehow, it's other people's problem, not you and your DH's?

If you mr cat doesn’t like the feel of the trackers that dangle from the collar, have a look at https://pettracer.com/ The tracker is in the collar itself. It’s not cheap, but it has GPS and radio tracking.

If you’ve actually had kids I don’t understand why you’d think people should be free to come to the door - at any time - so much so that you’re on MN checking that neighbours are unreasonable for not being free to answer the door? There are a million reasons they couldn’t. It’s actually you who are being very unreasonable. God help your poor neighbours now you have a reason to think their garden is now available to you as part of your lifestyle.

I remember when my cat was a kitty and we started letting her out for the first time. When she went over the fence I was panic stricken that she wouldn't return (also near a main road) and I would call, shake biscuits, everything. My elderly neighbour would say "don't worry, she'll come back", but I wasn't convinced. Like me, you'll look back on this in years to come and cringe at how daft you're being, but it's natural to worry when you love your pet. Glitterballcat is 16 this year and doesn't go quite as far now.

Some good ideas suggested for cat proofing your garden, but be mindful that if any of your trees reach over the boundary, puss will just use the tree as a means of escape. Catios are a great idea if you have the space to erect a good sized one.

I’m rural, just because we aren’t in London, we’re not all boring AF 🙄

I would answer the door, because we’re remote and anyone at 8.30pm would presumably have a purpose, although if it was someone wanting me to search my garden for the cat they let out, I’d be telling them to fuck off.

I assume you’re new to cat ownership and from your posts I think you’re in for a very steep learning curve. It won’t continue to come back for the biscuits indefinitely fyi.

you weren't unreasonable for knocking on their door, but they were also not unreasonable to not answer, for what ever reason.

My DH does shifts as a paramedic and has to go to bed around 8ish to get up for an early. I look after the kids and often woken up several times by baby and then up at 6am by earlier riser child so go to bed around 8ish as well in the hope to get a fair amount of sleep. Id be fuming at you if you disturbed me for a cat that is out exploring for 30 minutes. Ridiculous!

In a genuine emergency from neighbours I wouldn't be angry if they needed us. We've had neighbours knocking on our door for my DH help as he could get there quicker than ambulance - totally fine to be disturbed. Genuine emergency.

Maybe next time just send a text to your neighbours asking if they've seen the car/can check?

I'm in bed by 8.30 (5am starts) so would definitely be ignoring the door. I don't think they're rude, who knows what they were up to

Loads of reasons why they may not answer the door (mid shit, mid shag, mid dinner, mid film, simply couldn't be arsed and no idea it was anything important)...

Even if they had gone and looked, theres a strong chance your cat was in there only for the few seconds it took to cross their garden from somewhere elses and he could have been many gardens down when you first started rattling the biscuits.

Cat proof your garden (fence toppers with rollers on them or inward hanging wire) or build a catio - never have this worry again.