How to handle sports day this year?

Just fuck it off.

There are threads like this every year with catastrophising and caterwauling about terrible life lessons, claims about resilience when they clearly don't understand it and terrible analogies about maths. They don't get any less stupid with time.

Simply ignore it, keep him off and enjoy the entirely positive consequences of your sensible decision.

To all those pps saying they need to do it to learn resilience and kids who struggle with maths and reading have to do it every day at school too. I say no, dc who struggle with sport should still have to do PE at school because that is the equivalent of non academic dc having to do maths/reading every day.

Sports day is like something from the dark ages and is the equivalent of making a child with dyslexia stand up in front of the entire school and all the parents in a spelling competition with the class’s best speller. And letting the parents scream and cheer at the top of the their lungs when Best Speller wins. That’s the equivalent. And nobody would think that was in good taste anymore.

This would be my biggest concern too. As I mentioned in my other post, I’d worry that this would confirm all my kid’s fears about his ability and mean sports day was always something to fear. If he was older, I’d be more tempted to call it quits and just let him be home but he’s so young.

I just googled Olympians with hypermobility and there are some great ones - maybe it would help to have a chat with him about that and how his body is actually amazing!

It's difficult, because sports, by their nature, are competitive. It's not like pulling them out of all PE lessons. And if a dc hated the idea of going on stage they'd not be forced to have a speaking part at the nativity play.
Can you find out if there are "silly" races (eg egg and spoon, 3-legged, wheelbarrow, etc) that they could do, and skip the "proper" running races?

But if not and if they hate it that much then take them out of school that day (book eye tests or something), and try to spend a bit of the day doing something physical that they will like.

Speak to the teacher. They will have strategies for handling this. Maybe he can be given a special 'job' on the day to help, like organising the medals or writing the scores on the board.

I spoke to the school a couple of years ago as we were in a similar position to you (plus both autistic) and explained how I felt.

Told the school I wanted to take them out for the day instead and got the day off approved. They both loved it, and still talk about it and how much they appreciated me listening.

Hmmm no actually. Kids with SEN are given work to their ability, don’t have their results paraded in front of the whole school and parents and don’t have to perform in front of the whole school and parents so no it’s not the same- at all

10 year old ds has a speech issue. It has improved with therapy but it's still present. He has been pushed into taking speaking parts in plays and leading assemblies in front of the whole school, parents and others since he started at 5. He's very conscious of it and isn't always comfortable with what he's asked to do. He does it though. So yes, I'd say it's comparable. In fact, at our school sports day is 2 hours a year... the plays, assemblies and other events ds has had to speak at in this academic year totals more than triple that so far.

I'm happily giving my DC the day off. We'll do something fun and constructive instead. Poor DC has had a couple of really awful sports days and they usually start stressing about it shortly after Christmas. That's a really good way to kill any motivation for sports and exercise.

They are old enough to understand that there's a difference between sports day and a typical school day. Just like PE is part of the typical school day so it has to be done but sports day isn't and it's supposed be fun so if it isn't fun then what's really the point?

My mother was never one for pulling sickies apart from on cross country day and sports day. “She’s a mathlete, she doesn’t need to be an athlete” she would say. Honestly it’s one of the best things she ever did for me because I was so shit at sports… soooo shit. I still am, apart from darts. Let him bunk off. We used to go to the transport museum on sports day, take him to do something like that, moderately educational so you don’t feel guilty.

Lots of interesting perspectives here - can’t quite work out what I’d do! I feel slightly uncomfortable about taking my DS out of school just because it’s sport day and they don’t like losing. It feels like you’re confirming the narrative that they’re rubbish and shouldn’t try. Even if you say “we’ll skip it, it doesn’t matter,” it does matter a lot in their world and they could think you’re embarrassed by their performance too. Maybe that’s not how they’d interpret it but I feel like it adds to the insecurity rather than helping them.

I think I’d be tempted to speak to the class teacher and give them a heads up that it’s already causing some anxiety and how can you work together to help manage it. I’d speak to my son about why he hates it, trying to get him to express feelings he has so he knows that he can talk to me about these things openly. I’d also highlight things he is really good at and how some of his friends maybe feel like that about other things too so it’s normal to feel angry/sad/frustrated when things are hard. Kids who find academic subjects more challenging do go through this every day - they know when their book is shorter or has bigger words, they know if their worksheet looks a bit different or when they take longer to do something.

Finally, I’d probably say that it’s a school day so he has to go in but then organise a ‘yes’ day asap after where he can decide what you eat/do all day because you understand that it’s something he finds really hard and you’re proud of him for showing up and trying. I’d also make sure after the day (not straight after as he might need time to work through any emotions), I would make sure we chatted about things that went well that day.

If the 10 yo will suck it up, I'd speak to the 7 yo teacher esp regarding their hypermobility etc and see if she can do something none sporty. I don't understand the medical condition but would a flare up bar them from competing on the day?

Otherwise a well timed medical appt.

They dint need a full day off. It's a couple of hours out of a full school day.

Yes, I’m remembering my own school days. A lot of the academic kids were also very good at sports and it was more positive reinforcement for their self esteem. Some of the kids who were worst at sport and struggled most were a group of children from very deprived backgrounds who were also in the bottom sets. I’m sure every single day was a struggle for them and this just added to their challenges. It can also be torture for children who are overweight, I can attest to that! My strengths lay solely in the academic side of school, but I didn’t learn any profound lessons from being forced to participate in things like
sports day and swimming galas. It just made me feel humiliated and put me off exercise.

I’d ask them what they want to do and if they want the day off I’d let them without a second thought. Resilience isn’t made from being forced to take part in sports day.

You mention the youngest is hypermobile... I have a hypermobile teen.

Sports day for her was humiliation. She hated it consistently. We often had issues like they were on the field for hours with no toilet access so she'd wet herself too - also part of her hypermobility. She didn't do very any sports days in primary. She also doesn't do PE in secondary as they couldn't keep her safe (2 broken bones in 3 terms from activities she wasnt supposed to be doing...) she is however a competitive swimmer outside of school!!

I'd talk to her teacher. Explain he is uncomfortable ask - given his disability - is there another role he can play? If the answer is no he has to run I'd take him out. Hopefully they will come up with something. If they say we'll see - ask again the day before what his role will be. No alternative role I'd not send him. The older child... I'd explain the youngest has these issues and life isn't easy - sometimes things will be different for him. Tbh though if oldest still doesn't want to go I'd probably keep him off too if I had to keep youngest out as they couldn't accommodate.

Of course it happens, and maybe the people doing it are well intentioned.

It's still a major factor in the humiliation and embarrassment though and something I remember very clearly from my own school sports days, which were mainly back in the 1970s. Nobody should be forced into that sort of ritual on display to the entire school and baying crowds of parents. It has to be a choice, but all too often it isn't because PE teachers seem to consider it character building. It is not character building, it is embarrassing and humiliating. It makes you want to go and hide away.

If any of my three children had ever shown any signs of finding sports days traumatic then I would have either kept them at home where they could have relaxed and concentrated on other work or approached the school to see if more suitable roles could be found for them.

Fucking hate sports day. For kids like yours and mine it's like making a dyslexic kid take part in a public spelling bee Infront of the whole school and all their families. Horrendous.

This too.

These threads always seem to assume that if someone isn't sporty, they are academic or if they are sporty, they aren't academic.

Sometimes the children winning everything at sports day are the academic kids too.

Sometimes the children who come last at sports day also 'come last' in the maths tests.

But sometimes we are last and we are last. For a lot of children who are neither sporty nor academic, sports day is yet another reason to feel crap about themselves. This time, in front of an audience.

This!! This all over, it’s one day, some people struggle with things they do EVERYDAY and they still have to take part. Get them two voice it. Ask them what they’re good at how often they have to do it and the fact that they don’t mind is a great thing then ask him is there someone in their class that they know who struggles with that and how often they have to do it. It may get them to realise that other people are struggling on the same level of them on an everyday basis rather than just for one day of the year. There’s two mantras they need to learn in life.

1. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
2. This too shall pass!

Exactly this. Parents that moan their children have to do one measly day of races compared to some kids who aren’t academically gifted but they have to attend school every day. If you take your kids out, you’re making it even more of a problem.

That's what makes it so humiliating. No one wants sympathy cheers.

making kids do something they don’t want to do is good for their resilience. If you let them opt out every time they don’t want to do something they will never learn to be uncomfortable. This is a vital skill. It will help their mental health in the long term.