How to handle sports day this year?

The only benefit I can think of is that the sportier children will obviously have a better chance at winning if several non sporty children are taking part.

If these kids are so sporty, I'd imagine they'd enjoy more competitive races rather than un sporty children making it easier for them.

do you know what I haven’t got the time to get in an argument. I was merely pointing out that sometimes in life we have to do things that we don’t particularly wanna do and sometimes in life we do things for the benefit of others. Whatever examples you choose to use or not used to explain that to your children is up to you entirely. I can’t dictate what examples or what benefits you want to use.

If you don’t want your children to go sports day, then don’t send them. It’s no mass on me, It’s your kids school you need to talk to. I gave suggestions in one of my posts about what parents could possibly do to try reinvent sports day. I was just throwing out ideas.

Sports days clearly can and do take place without DC who stay at home, so it isn't remotely like your zoo analogy.

What benefit will forcing these DC to take part in sports day, in these conditions, have for other children? If you're arguing that OPs DC need to learn that they should sometimes do things for the benefit of others, you need to clearly spell out what those benefits to others will be.

Ok @StClabberts for creating the “no not I” attitude isn’t going to work either. And when I say doing things for the benefit of others, you know I mean things like when you’re going on a family day out and three members of your family have been desperate to go to the zoo but you really don’t want to go and you can’t be left at home so you have to go. You’re not going for you you’re going for them. You’re going to take part as a family. That’s what I mean by the mindset of doing for other others. There’s a fine line.

Exactly. Why on earth is it an acceptable message to say school is optional if you dont like what is happening that day.

Building resilience is importnat and finding a role for your kid - time taker, announcer, resetting up the cones etc keeps then part of things.

Children when they grow up will face all kinds of things they don’t want to do in work for example and shouldn’t just pull a sickie.

Speak to the teacher and find a solution that works for your kid - then they learn that problems have solutions rather than just avoiding them. They might have fun if they aren’t just racing.

I agree in theory - the activity or challenge should be developmentally achievable for the child and, in this case, the activity is running in a race. I don’t think the challenge can be set as winning the race as that’s unachievable for all but one child.

Obviously, there are lots of circumstances in which asking a child to run in a race would be unfair (e.g. additional needs). But the situation here seems to be re losing the races/relays and the feelings that come with that. He’s a little kid - of course he doesn’t like losing. But it sounds like there are other events he doesn’t mind so much, possible because he doesn’t come last, so I feel like the thing to focus on is his successes in other events and how to handle disappointment/not always winning by being there for them through the challenge.

If kids aren’t exposed to disappointment/frustration/not winning, they can find the inevitable challenges of adulthood (not getting a job, missing out on a promotion, rejection from a partner etc.) way harder because they’ve not learnt how to regulate their emotions when things are tough. I’m not saying leaving him to it and tell him to man up, I just think it could be more benefit to support/comfort your child through these situations, especially when they are so little and working out how the world works.

I hate this idea that sports day is the ‘one chance a year sporty kids get to shine.’

1. Kids are not divided neatly into ‘sporty + unacademic’ or ‘academic + unsporty’ categories. A lot of kids are good at everything - sports, academics, art, drama, music etc - while a lot hate sports and academics, and sports day is just another day that makes them feel rubbish about themselves.

2. Sports day may be just one day, but PE lessons take place all year round, just like maths lessons. Sporty kids get their chance to shine in those lessons every week, just like the kids good at maths/geography/French etc do well in those lessons. And none of the kids good at academic subjects have any equivalent of sports day where they get to shine in front of a large audience.

3. Sporty kids do sport outside of school! They join sports teams and have meets/matches competing against sporty kids from other schools, giving them a true chance to shine against equal competitors.

It's really complex.

I was terrible at anything athletic and hated every second of it and primary school sports day was usually just terrible for me. Secondary was okay because i wouldn;t be entered for anything.

But I had an unrecognised anxiety disorder which I still have decades later and if my parents had pulled me out of everything I didn't want to do, I wouldn't have done anything so I don;t think that's the way to go all the time.

And i did win the egg and spoon race one year in primary because my dad had told me to focus on the spoon instead of focusing on being the fastest. So while all the other DC were running and dropping the egg and having to pick it up, I was slow and steady and won the race and I have really vivid memories of being cheered towards the finishing line by not just my family, but other parents and that was a lovely experience I wouldn;t have had if my parents kept me home.

Exactly what benefit do you think other DC derive from the enforced presence of kids who are anxious a month in advance, know they're going to feel humiliated when they come last in everything and don't want to be there? Teaching kids that they ought to go through that because apparently other people will like it is not a mindset any parent should be creating.

This argument gets trotted out again and again on these threads, and it makes no sense. You do know that PE lessons are year round and multiple times a week, just like maths lessons? The sporty kids get to shine week in, week out, in PE lessons (and in extra curricular sporting activities) - the unsporty kids struggle but get on with it, just like the kids who hate maths do in maths lessons.

Sports day adds an audience, which is humiliating for self-conscious, unsporty kids. There is absolutely no equivalent where unacademic kids are forced to fail in front of a crowd of parents giving them patronising sympathy cheers.

And I agree I suppose this is something the PTA could bring forward to the school. The PTA could insist on reinventing sports day. Make the kids more involved in other aspects have them be the linesman, have them be the whistleblower, have them be the person who hands the medals, have them be the person who hands our the water, but get them involved in celebrating the day for others also.

I don’t agree with missing the day either though, and I think if we made it more inclusive than it might spread them on to take part in a race on a ‘just for fun’ basis.

I’m not saying they HAVE to do it. Nobody has to do anything essentially but we need to be careful in the mindset that we choose to instill in our children. If @cadburyegg knows her children well and knows that by allowing them to step out of this day, they will still have good values about exercise and staying healthy then that’s fine. But it’s not just that, just being able to take part in things for the benefit of other people is a lesson to learn, it’s not always about you. Sometimes I have to do things at work that I really don’t wanna do, but it’s not about me, It’s about other people too. I don’t think sports day was created with any malice. It was created as an exercise to celebrate sport and sporting ability, regardless of what that is. We have to be careful of the mindset that we’re creating and I understand that some people don’t want to create the mindset of “I’m a failure” either.

So obviously it’s a balance and we need to meet somewhere in the middle, but avoiding these emotions is not teaching our children any emotional resilience or how to understand their emotions it’s just shoving them in under a carpet, it’s not helping them to understand and deal with them.

Okay well isn’t the solution to try and find more inclusive ways of involving all children that don’t involve competing rather than this race to the bottom of ‘well if they have to do it in maths/reading etc then they have to in PE also?

OP my son is in year 3 and also small for his age and is so competitive that he wants to win but normally doesn't as there are some rather big kids in his year that beat him, but he gives it a go nonetheless, however, if it was affecting him and he didn't want to go I 100% would keep him off, it'll have zero impact on his education and he won't forget that u did it either. I was also terrible at sports and got left with the absolute rubbish ones like 1500m race which I would never have been able to do, so my mum kept me off too. My dad wasn't very impressed, but I'm 35 now and still thank her for it! The anxiety about that day was awful!

They could also be the same child that feels like shit on sports day too. I just don't see the need to put a child through that.

Maths is necessary, a vital GCSE which opens doors if you can pass it.

Sports day isn't the same. It doesn't mean anything.

there may not be parents there, but the feeling is still the same! the sentiment is still the same, just because the parents aren’t there to watch doesn’t mean that they cannot feel the same way that that a child feels on sports day

Times tables champions is literally a game where they stand up and the teacher asks at timetables questions and the quickest person wins… I was a teacher I remember doing it and I remember doing similar in school I hated maths. I wasn’t good at it and I found it very embarrassing. We did it practically every day.

It still isn't the same because it isn't as public and full of sympathy cheers at the end when you come last.

It would be the same if the whole school and parents were invited to watch children take part in a maths game and the one who came last had loud sympathy cheers at the end.

They don't do any of that. Academic lessons and tests are just sat at desks. Peer to peer marking isn't a big deal.

There's no competition element, no pitting the cleverest again the less academically able with an audience.

Yes, there's this weird quasi emotional attachment to the idea that making kids do something potentially damaging is building resilience. None of the people who claim this ever have any evidence that forcing anxious DC with SEN, ND, health conditions etc into sports day achieves anything.

As a parent, part of your job is teaching your child that sometimes you'll be asked to do things that are of no benefit, may even be harmful and that you can swerve without consequence. If sports day is that for your child, and they can stay off, it's good parenting to facilitate that so they can save their resources for things that actually matter.

It's the way to put kids off sports for life, get them doing fitness classes or get some gym equipment and make it enjoyable.

Just a few examples of where it could be tough and humiliating for a child who is no good at maths…
-times tables champions/ class maths games
group/paired work
-peer to peer marking.
-being asked a maths question in front of the class…
-Always having to ask for help/get help from the teacher…

Children are very observant, they see who struggles

Agree @R0ckl0bsterresilience and confidence is not built by forcing children to do something they are unlikely to succeed in. To build these skills they should be challenged but the challenge should always be something attainable for them.

Being last in an Olympic final still makes you one of the best athletes in the world. Coming last in a school race at an age where competitive kids (& smug parents) make life hard is incomparable.