How to handle sports day this year?

Yep. And children who choose to spend free time on a sports team are a self selecting, unrepresentative group not comparable to the general school population.

He often had to read in front of his whole class and parents could see he was still on reading scheme when everyone else was a free reader. He is good at other things like Maths. I've always told mine very few people are good at everything. Do your best.

This is a good idea. I went to a primary sports day, my child was smallest in year and not sporty, couldn't find them! Then I noticed a table with two children sitting deep in concentration as the results were brought to them - mine had been given the job of keeping score!

My child hated the kids messing around and the chaos of it all. An ice lolly didn’t help. Not all kids are the same.

You say ‘nobody feels humiliated’ but there are many people who have stated how humiliated they or their children were on sports day. Just because your son enjoys being part of a sports team, doesn’t mean all children do.

Competitive sport shouldn’t be the sole aim of the PE curriculum. As some people have already argued, fitness and skills would be a better thing to teach.

It isn't the parents, it is how the children are feeling. It's great that your DS loves it but many, many children don't and it often isn't about not winning, it's about coming last every single time and feeling humiliated when the pity cheers/claps happen again and again and again.

Or other children outwardly groan because they know your rubbish and don't want you on their team because they want to win.

Yes, and when you say something on a discussion forum people get to tell you it's wrong. Probably best you don't tell anyone else they're being rude after you typed all that in respect of a child who literally wet themselves. So minimising and disrespectful.

Why are so many parents fixated on who wins or loses? Its a shitty example to set and totally the wrong way to view children's sport. Sports day isn't about that. My DS loves it. Doesn't win anything but its an afternoon messing around on the field with his friends and an ice lolly thrown in. Just a bit of fun. Like sport should be.

He plays for a sports team outside school. They win some, they lose some. Nobody feels humiliated. The mindset of some parents that if their kids might lose, they're not going to play is very weird.

@StClabberts im not engaging with you any further. I made my point, I put forward my thoughts. That’s all I was doing. There’s no need to be so rude with all of your responses

This, 100% this. It’s not something they will ever have to do in their adult lives or anything remotely comparable, resilience is one thing, something that will impact on their mental health for years another. However showing them you are on their side is absolutely priceless.

I think with some children it's a case of do the positives outweigh the negatives and in a lot of cases, it doesn't and sports day does nothing but teach a child to hate sport and fitness which isn't what we want either.

Thanks for clarifying. You always get a few people on a sports day thread basically saying that sporty kids need to shine so need the non sporty kids there which is I think why a few people assumed that is what you was meaning.

Yes, we needed you to explain what you meant. We got there in the end, kindly assuming that this is what you genuinely were thinking when you made the initial claim. And these arguments are so bad that you can't have thought others were going to infer them from the little that you wrote.

Showing up and pissing yourself shows support and builds a community? I know OP drip fed, but she'd posted about that before you wrote this. I do not believe there are many children who derive important support from other children's fear and anxiety, but anyone who does needs that nipping in the bud right now, rather than facilitated. Failure to understand this would indeed be piss poor parenting if your DC were either of the ones in this scenario. Not sure how this amounts to engagement with classmates either, but explanation doesn't seem to be your strong point.

On the point of being part of a team, please tell me you don't think the other kids are all going to welcome someone who's extremely poor at sports on their team? Just as likely to result in mocking and resentment, creating problems. Naturally, this is not likely to motivate other children who may be feeling the same way to take part.

Absolute, weapons grade nonsense and not something any parent ought to pay any attention to.

@Loveduppenguin you've taken a bit of a hammering, but fwiw I agree with the premise of your argument, which is a very reasoned, and reasonable one. As I've said up thread, I have a ND 8yo dd - so I do know what it's like to have a child who resists sports day with everything she's got. What you're saying, I think, is that the choice doesn't have to be binary all or nothing - both options may actually do more harm than good. But just because a child struggles with something, it doesn't just mean you can't or shouldn't support them/ work with them to overcome challenges. After all, life is full of them and it's developmentally appropriate to help them face the things they fear - for whatever reason - surrounded by a comfort blanket.

I've found that schools are really understanding and reasonable if you take the opportunity to communicate with them and work with them on a less scary, but still participative, alternative. You're absolutely right that we should be making sports days more inclusive for everyone, so that nobody feels they are unable to attend. There's a whole range of options and adjustments that can and should be utilised, so children are involved and participation, and learn some life skills and values, without feeling completely lost and broken.

• Sit with your team mates and cheer along (selflessness, teamwork).
• Help set up/ coordinate things (leadership skills, teamwork)
• Sit with a parent or trusted adult and watch until you are ready to be involved (perseverance, resilience)
• Pick an event you particularly enjoy, sit the rest out.

It doesn't have to be a binary choice. The most effective one is often the middle ground.

Well off the top of my head because I can think outside of the bloody box !
He can help to boost morale and encouragement for others who may feel the same way as that child, by them participating they can then motivate others who also might feel unsure or hesitant. Seeing someone else step up, even reluctantly, can be inspiring. That’s a good lesson to teach a child.
Working as a team/team spirit-there can be several team events at sports days and your presence can contribute to that effort. Even showing up shows support and helps build a a sense of community, a sense of unity.
Believe it or not, it can also help to promote inclusivity because by being involved it therefore helps to create an environment where it be enforces the idea that this day is not just for the athletic involved helps create an inclusive environment.
And then there is just a basic setting an example to others whereby you can demonstrate some sort of willingness to take part and ability to be there even though you don’t want to, that you have a willingness to engage with your classmates and your school which again is a quality that other children who may be feeling the same can learn from.

Did you really need me to explain all that to you? So don’t tell me I have a piss poor attitude or a piss poor parenting. I try to instill many characteristics in my children some of them being the ones I have just stated above, but if you don’t wanna do that create a child that has a a mindset of “that’s not for me it’s not about me so therefore I’m not taking part” then go ahead…

It depends on the kid. Both mine not good at athletics but reasonably decent at other active things (dance/hockey). One was fiercely competitive and self conscious the other non competitive and confident. The latter didn’t like sports day but went as she wasn’t bothered at coming last. The elder found it mortifying so let her stay off.

How would it benefit other children?

Yes, you didn't offer any explanation for what the benefit would be. That's extremely clear. You've used up more time telling us why you're not going to do that than you would've in actually explaining, so naturally multiple people draw their own conclusions.

And unless you explain what you actually meant, the most obvious explanation so far is that you meant they should go so others can benefit from beating them, which is appalling.

This is the last I am saying…

DC should be taken in and forced to participate so that others can beat them.

i never said that…. I never said they should go so others can beat them…I SAID…sometimes in life we have to do things to benefit others. Two very different sentences.

You said that there'd be benefit to the other DC in them being there and have continually failed to explain what that is. I know this, as do people reading. There is a reason several of us have addressed that particular point. There'd be no need to read between any lines if you would actually back up what you said.

It is, of course, absolutely piss poor parenting advice to suggest that DC should be taken in and forced to participate so that others can beat them.

No, I’m withdrawing because you’re reading between the lines and I realise there’s no point in arguing with you. That’s not what I said, and you know it… but thank you

I think if they’re at this point anxiety wise, I would certainly be more tempted to keep them off. I just flip flop between thinking what’s the harm vs what precedent does this set/do kids need to experience losing.

If you’re happy to share, is he generally sensitive about things or quite competitive/keen to win (in no way asked as a criticism!)? Does he ever struggle with his older brother being bigger/stronger/allowed to do things he isn’t etc.? I guess I’m trying to figure out if he’s struggling a bit with confidence and this puts a spotlight on something he’s feeling regularly.

It is, but it further cements the advice that you should just keep them both off.

A cynic would think this conveniently timed withdrawal is because you've realised you're going to get absolutely and rightfully monstered if you come out and say OP should send her DC in so the other kids can have the fun of beating them.