How to handle sports day this year?

Take them for a nice day out!

It doesn’t build resilience because there isn’t an adult comparison. There is absolutely no benefit to kids who hate sports day taking part and they would never be forced as an adult to take part in a hobby/pastime they hated in a competitive manner in front of others. Yes there are mandatory things we have to do that we don’t like or things that will benefit us (eg work) but competitive public sport isn’t mandatory and there is no benefit. Why should sportier kids get the chance to shine at the expense of the less sporty ones? As has already been pointed out, there is no academic or musical or creative comparison. Just make it voluntary. Yes all kids should be active and healthy but public sports competition is nothing to do with that.

Well how lucky for you and your son. It's the public humiliation that is disturbing for non sporty kids. Struggling at maths doesn't make you the subject of ridicule. I know about that because despite having older brothers who were good at sports, the youngest was last in every race. It turned out he was dyspraxic but that hadn't been diagnosed then. I would love to have avoided sports day for him and wish now that I had.

I agree with this. I’ve had one who loved SD and excelled, one who couldn’t care less and excelled and one who absolutely detested it and often came last.

Im a strong believer that the sporty types should be allowed to shine. But I also think in your shoes, I’d take them out of SD.

I took mine out and 5 years in same school 3 years think we missed no one noticed.

Sports day isn’t inclusive and is never just fun. Look after your kids and do what’s best for them.

My eldest absolutely loves sports day as he’s at a very academic primary but is dyslexic and struggles. He is however the “fastest boy” in the class. He absolutely shines.

however I hated sports day so get it! At our school I notice a couple of kids help the teacher with jobs. Handing out eggs and spoons etc so they feel part of it but don’t compete. They always do funny races where they have obstacles and have to dress up etc - everyone joins in these.

Ask if he can be a helper and not compete in running races. Hate the phrase “mental health” but throw that in there .

or if not take them out for the day

This post takes me back (a long way). I was always good at sports day because I could run fast. In those days you got a red, blue or yellow ribbon for the first three places, there was no question of worrying about anyone's feelings. My best friend was useless at all the races and often came last but brilliant at the egg and spoon because it is about balance, not speed. She didn't like sports day but she put up with it, she wasn't traumatised. I would say try and encourage him to take part in the races he is good at. There are bound to be lessons he shines at that some of the sporty kids don't. My friend was great at art and I definitely wasn't.

Did your post arrive from twenty years ago? Kids sports days aren’t remotely competitive any more. There’s no last place. I can’t even remember the kid(s) who came last at my 7 year olds most recent sports days.

It’s rather obvious why he is the slowest, he's the smallest. You can’t protect him from that.

What’s next, he’s bottom fo the class at maths and you take him out of maths lessons? You can’t cave into him every time he doesn’t enjoy an activity, that’s a terrible life lesson.

Would the best way to deal with their anxieties and confidence in anything and to build their resilience be to practice it more?

Take them both out, it's no biggie! A child should live a child's life... Stress free!!

Quite. The resilience nonsense gets dafter every time we have these threads.

Nope. Not acceptable. My disabled daughter was “included” in PE by being told she could keep score. It’s not inclusion if a disabled kid is simply in the room.

This is not a child who just isn’t sporty and doesn’t want to do PE. It’s a child who probably would love to do what the others are doing. Having him be a lackey just so he is there is not making sure he doesn’t miss out.

Absolutely. He has, in his life, probably had to deal with more than most kids do. He already faces challenges and has overcome them. Getting out of bed and walking round school will feel like a marathon to him. He is not feeble, he is not weak, he is strong and more resilient than most. I have never met him but I know that about him.

Keep him off, do something fun, and to hell with anyone who doesn’t understand why. You are teaching him that you have his back, that you are on his side and you will do what you can to level the playing field with non disabled kids, until he is old enough to do that himself. That is a really important lesson for our kids.

We banged our head on the PE wall all through primary school. My daughter did the first sports day but never did another until P7 when she was a house captain and wasn’t taking part in any of the sports. Each year we would pick a fun activity and go out and do all that instead.

At high school her key teacher said it was fine for her to go along and watch, loads of kids sat it out. This completely ignores the fact she is having to sit and watch kids doing things she’d love to do but can’t. We politely declined and said she wouldn’t be in school for sports day.

Forcing a disabled child to take part in something they hate does not build resilience. It teaches them they can choose not to take part in things which are not designed for them and make no effort to be inclusive.

That's life though. Some people are seemingly lucky. But surely sports day is not meant to show people up. It's meant to be a fun way to bring the school together and celebrate the students who are athletic not show up those who aren't. I can remember being crap at sports day. I was jokingly lifted up and carried to the end of the finish line by my teacher one time because I was taking so long in the sack race. Yeh it was embarrasing but nobody died. We shouldn't be showing kids up or bullying them but it's really unhelpful to the individual and society to teach them to avoid anything remotely uncomfortable either. It just breeds a fear/avoidance cycle rather than resilience

Why can they only 'shine' at the expense of non sporty children? If they are sporty, surely they'd prefer to compete with other sporty children anyway?

You're assuming that the people who aren't academic will be the ones who succeed on sports day, when plenty of kids will excel at both, or seriously struggle with both.

Yes! Very similar to my experience. PE in itself can be such an ordeal. I was overweight and had undiagnosed dyspraxia. I used to dread the communal changing room and then what felt like the ritual humiliation of being picked last for teams and performing dance routines for the class 😱 I hope things are done differently now but I can imagine it’s still very hard for some children who are uncoordinated, overweight, self conscious etc. Put me off exercise for years and sports day was a whole other level of public humiliation! Finally rediscovered exercise as an adult and love being active now.

I loathed sports day. School PE was a lesson in humiliation every week and Sports Day was that x100. Now as an adult I’m really active, go to the gym most days, have a qualification in dance. But all I was taught at school was to endure being shit. No one taught me to to catch or throw, or the rules of one single sport. What I learned is that kids will mock you for being shit and adults don’t give a fuck.

If my parents had taken me out of school for sports day, I’d have been so grateful and happy. Do it, OP. Maybe take them to do an activity the do enjoy like swimming or ice skating or literally anything. That’s what builds an active adult, learning that exercise doesn’t have to be torment.

I had the same problem with DD I told her teacher she was worried about doing sports day she suggested instead she can take part by helping out (putting bean bags, hula hoops) etc back in place which was great as she wasn't missing out. Maybe u could ask if Yr son could do the same

Honestly I think this is an important lesson in resilience. Yes we shouldn't be humiliating children intentionally but if children are being humiliated on sports day then the school are doing it wrong and that's a different issue.

There are lots of kids who's strengths aren't in academics. They have to go to school every day struggling and probably feeling a bit inadequate. They don't get to check out of school because they're not as strong at these things as other kids. If a child is atheletically strong then shouldn't they get the chance to shine just for a day?

Encourage him to take part, do his best, cheer on his friends and most of all have fun. It's a couple of hours of his life and unless the school is horrendous I highly doubt he's going to be 'humiliated'

Setting a precedent is a bad idea. Gives child the message they can duck out if things are hard. Then you will have problems later. A bit of light bribery? Eg if you take part I know you hate it but I will still be proud. We can get an ice cream after.

I’m a bit torn about this one as I normally think kids should build some resilience and give things a try. However, I can see it becoming an issue for one of mine. She’s actually quite sporty but shit at running and is in a class with quite a lot of kids who love running and do park run every week. I find our sports day quite dull as it takes hours but the school does a fete afterwards which is lovely.

It’s fine if they don’t care. Dd2 also came last but genuinely didn’t care so didn’t keep her off. Dd1 was self conscious and competitive herself she hated the condescending “well done champ” clapping and the public failure really bothered her. Good parents are responsive to how their children feel.

Dh and I don’t know what happened we both cleaned up on sports day! I fear my mother’s genes have crept in somehow.