How to handle sports day this year?

Quietly kept dd1 at home. We read our books in the garden and studiously ignored the yelling and cheering (live v near school). She was one of the youngest in the year and felt humiliated coming publicly last in every race in front of a baying crowd. She hated the “aww bless” fake sympathy from the mums too.

Just did it in year 2 she went to the others. She is a young adult now at a RG university has thrived academically and socially and is decent at a team sport of her choice - so no adverse impact!

But people who are bad at Maths don't have to take part in a compulsory Maths competition with all the parents invited to witness them getting all the questions wrong and coming last.

Hi OP,
I’m sorry to hear Sports Day is tough for your family.

This is kind of linked, so maybe of some relevance, but I was a child who experienced very high anxiety about school trips. My Mum responded to that by either trying to come on them as a helper, or occasionally letting me miss a few and just stay at home, she’d tell school I was ill. It was strange, as I did actually want to go, and was aware I seemed different to the majority of children and felt very embarrassed and like I had failed. I did feel a lot of trust in my Mum though, she never criticised me and was kind about it. My younger brother (who did not have these issues) never seemed to mind/understood if I had a day off when he didn’t.

I gradually got better at this as I got a bit older, and happily attended many day trips when I got older. I think people sometimes do have a really strong aversion against something/need more time, and I don’t think it affected my long term resilience (as an adult I actually love nothing more than travelling to brand new places and organised many school trips myself as a teacher funnily enough 😂).

Good luck whatever you decide 😊

I was rubbish at running and always came last but didn't cry, I don't even remember caring much. You can't be best at everything. I don't think opting out of stuff is the right answer.

My 20 year old still moans at me about making her do a sports thing at school 11 years ago!!
It only took half an hour - it was a race and she got a medal.

I'd still make her do it - even though she's still jokingly whining about it.

She is very resilient!

Let him stay home, tidy his room, do homework etc. not fair to take him out.

This conversation comes up every year and my kids have gone all through school now and I still haven’t changed my opinion. For most kids doing something you don’t like and aren’t good at for one day a year will not damage you. Your parents teaching you that the way to deal with fears is to refuse to face them does damage you IMO.

OP in your situation with a child with a medical condition I would talk to the school about alternative ways they can participate.

My experience of sports day is dd ending up in a&e every year. The school just did not do enough to protect medically fragile children during the event. It’s not about accepting that someone had to come in last.

We started keeping her home. I was so happy when she aged out of it. Even happier when she aged out of physical education classes entirely. She hasn’t had a severe asthma attack since. Funny how not having an authority figure pressuring you to ignore your bodies warning signs helps with that.

This is the approach I took to myself when I was a kid. I was so monumentally bad at sports that I had to do remedial PE, but was good academically. I used to think that every day was like sports day for kids who struggled with spelling, reading etc.

I’d send them in. One day of struggle won’t scar him for life.

My mum used to let me have the day off. I'd definitely speak to the teacher, hopefully schools are a bit more understanding nowadays.

Like others, I am still angry with school sports lessons for not actually teaching us anything. If you weren't naturally good at something, you were ignored and made to feel useless. Turns out I can run, I'm just not built to be a sprinter - and the one day we did cross country they didn't bother to teach us about breathing or pacing. You were either naturally good or humiliated.

Couple that with the sadistic rules on tiny blue skirts in mid-winter for hockey, and the fact that the PE teacher basically ignored you if you weren't good enough for the school teams - no wonder we hated it and avoided exercise as a result.

I wish my mum would have let me stay home from sports carnivals. She wanted to prove some point about attendance so I was forced to go, even to a school trip to a water park where I sat reading a book the whole day.

Some kids will hate the trial of the classroom every day. Every sports day I've been to those coming in last have been loudly cheered on. I think taking them out is a bad precedent, taking part is what counts and we can't all be goid at everything, most if their class won't win.

My DC struggled with reading everyday. Still had to go to school though. He wasn't brilliant at sports either but still had to go to school. Your child will never learn to become resilient if you take them off every time they might be last in something. It's a lesson we all have to learn that we can't always win everything. It's just 1 day he may struggle.

I hated sports day too it was the worst mum would let me have the day off 🙂 he won't miss any classes

I will always remember my first lacrosse lesson in Year 7 - having to try to catch a ball in a tiny net on the end of a long stick with absolutely no technical instructions about how to best use said stick.

It turned out the sporty kids had spent the summer at a school ‘Introduction to Lacrosse’ camp and picked up all the basics there - and clearly there was no point teaching the rest of us…

Yes, I am disabled now sadly but I loved sport -.once I started trying sports outside of school like rock climbing, lifeguard training for swimming and kayaking and jogging

I also discovered I was ok at sports I thought I couldn't do, but it was just that our PE teacher was so.focussed on the handful of "county level" players that she never even taught the rest of us the basics like how to hold a racket

Exactly this. Dd struggles with reading (dyslexia) so the teacher never makes her read aloud to the glass and she has a laptop to help her with writing and other supports to level the playing field.

She's an epic runner but she doesn't need a patronising "day where she finally gets to do well at something" at the expense of other children being humiliated. She does athletics club for running.

She doesn't actually like sports day anyway as some of the parents behave appallingly,.shouting and yelling like they are watching gladiators fight or something. She deliberately ran slowly last year so she wouldn't be in the final.

I also don't like sports day as i'm disabled and can't stand for long but we are expected to stand and watch for hours and there's no seating available.

I'd just let them have the day off. Sports day is pointless anyway.

My grandfather used to offer me an ice cream if I won any competition I entered or was forced to enter. And a bigger ice cream if I lost.

Could you do something along those lines?

This opinion is always trotted out on these threads and I always find it terribly surface-level and unconvincing.

The point of PE lessons is supposed to be to set children up to live healthy lives, of which regular exercise is a vital part.

But the way PE is taught in this country, particularly the humiliation ritual that is sports day, leads many ‘unsporty’ children to associate exercise with failure and public embarrassment, and as soon as they finish school and are no longer required to exercise, they don’t.

I was one of those kids. I have terrible hand-eye coordination so I performed poorly in school PE lessons focused on ball sports and I wasn’t a sprinter so always trailed in school running races. PE lessons made me feel rubbish about myself, so once nobody was forcing me to exercise, I didn’t.

I only started exercising again regularly in my mid-twenties - at which point I realised that exercise was absolutely something I could enjoy, when the activities I chose were tailored to what I needed. I love nothing more than a 50km solo bike ride - no audience, seeing new places, being able to stop whenever I need. I only wish school hadn’t so poisoned me against the concept of exercise so I could have discovered this sooner (and before I put on 20kg).

This! My DC left primary school many years ago but they were never forced to take part in an activity they were uncomfortable with. They could choose what they wanted to do and if that choice was sitting around cheering on their friends then that was fine. I think some sporty people fail to understand how tough it is for us who are not as fortunate. My sister and I were last every year and I still remember how awful that felt.

Speak to teacher like Minty, DDs school had a policy of “outside and active” which didn’t actually have to be the sports or races. Kids could help with timing, photos and organising teams etc, so they were part of the day with their friends and usually they were busy all day. Kids aren’t stupid, they know which kids don’t like sports but instead of being obviously missing, at DDs school they were just doing something different but part of the day.

Now my DS is at secondary school he actually enjoys sports day because he and a few other "nerds" (his words) get to use the iPads and report on the day for the school website and newsletter. Much more fun than a load of running around and throwing things and they get to develop their IT skills too.

They choose the event they want to do at my daughter's school. Can you talk to the teacher to see what they suggest?

You're right. I just try and give the idea that losing a race doesn't matter, so it's not "public humiliation" because it really doesn't matter at all. I understand what you mean though.
Fortunately my childrens school is actually so mindful of this and they run non competitive events alongside, children can choose to compete or do more relaxed activities which is so good for children like mine who aren't fussed about winning races.