Looking at women online v replying to women online

31 replies

PotassiumPermanganate · 06/05/2025 23:17

I'm in a semi-relationship with a man, we're not together but we see each other, and I think there are feelings on both sides. Recently I've spotted he's using a section of social media I rarely go on, but I got one of those 'people you may want to follow' notifications, with him as the suggestion. Now I do know men look at women online, I'm not stupid, they all do it. (Do they?) But he's replying to them. This to me is a whole step above. Do I confront him? Maybe I have no right as we are not officially together, but I don't want to just let it go, I've had too many relationships where I say nothing just to keep the peace. This has really thrown me as we have become very close and I've felt as if I can finally trust someone and let my guard down, and now this. Am I being a naggy girlfriend, or a social media stalker, or do I voice my feelings as a grown woman who has had enough disappointment in love?

OP posts:

Init4thecatz · 07/05/2025 07:37

Hamandpineapplepizza · 07/05/2025 00:10

I think while you are still living with your ex , irrespective of the reasons, you can hardly police his behaviour

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This.

Would you truly be at ease, or even trust a man who spent his nights with his ex? They could be blanking each other, or absolutely all over each other, and you'd never know.

I was in this EXACT situation. Someone I was interested in was living with their 'ex' for some time because their 'ex' needed to show cohabitation/relationship status for an unmarried partner visa (or something). It basically meant that every night they would be with their ex... Sure, we could spend nights out, but their time together was a mystery. It meant that I could never truly relax into a feeling of a relationship, and I can 100% promise you, he feels the same.

It might be that he's still scanning the horizon for partners, or it might be that he's just randomly chatting to people who will listen because he's lonely, you simply don't know. You also can't be 100% sure whether this isn't the (Facebook?) Algorithm simply showing you stuff that is completely unrelated.

But you can't really request/complain about his apparent lack of fidelity when you can't demonstrate the same.

Agix · 07/05/2025 07:12

Not all men waste time oggling women online just as not all women waste time oggling men online.

If you're not in a relationship you don't really have the rights to say anything. You are fully within your rights to use this new information you have on his behaviour to decide whether you want to enter into a relationship with him or not though.

If you're not okay with it, don't be with him. Don't get with him and try to change him, that would be silly.

Original poster

PotassiumPermanganate · 07/05/2025 07:07

Do I just pretend I haven't seen it? I wish I hadn't. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

OP posts:

Hamandpineapplepizza · 07/05/2025 00:10

PotassiumPermanganate · 06/05/2025 23:55

I'm separated but still living with ex due to various reasons, and can't get into an official relationship due to his state of mind, to cut a long story short, and for want of better words. This man has been my escape and has made life more bearable, but now I wonder if this has been going on all along when I had imagined making a new life with him once the whole situation is sorted. Am I wrong to be upset?

I think while you are still living with your ex , irrespective of the reasons, you can hardly police his behaviour

Original poster

PotassiumPermanganate · 06/05/2025 23:55

OP posts:

Hamandpineapplepizza · 06/05/2025 23:21

What's a semi -relationship?

I think once you are together that's different, but at the moment it doesn't sound like this is a form commitment on either side?

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