Does my ex have the right to veto my new house?

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I had to get a court order that stated ex was not permitted to take the children out of the country. He had barely taken them out of our village alone and was suddenly going to take them thousands of miles away on holiday...... No. Had only ever had the children on "holiday" alone with him for one night but that was a local car journey to a place they knew well. A sudden international holiday was indicative of a sinister plan. My lawyer was right on it with an emergency hearing scheduled.
It's really hard to come away from this and you will constantly be second guessing yourself. Trust your gut and not your ex here. ( Could he even cope on a long haul with a little one. Was he hands on and engaged with we one to suggest he could do this)

We’ve seen threads on Mumsnet whet women don’t have this order and can’t get their children back, so I would look into getting it. Also, is there a way to put a marker on their passport (digital online not colour it in) that he isn’t authorised to leave the country with his dad?

I don’t live in the UK, but I believe that there is some way to flag your ex’s passport just in case he tries to leave the country with your child. I would do this too. I genuinely believe you need all of the safeguards you can get.

I believe his relatively quiet acceptance of your house and childcare boundaries are also indicative that there is very likely a job lined up in Canada already and he has family and friends lined up to assist with taking your kid out of the country. Please be very careful who you discuss this with apart from authorities.

You've had excellent advice already that I can't add to but I just wanted to say, "well done!" I know it must have been hard to break away from someone who clearly was very controlling but you did it. Now you are building a new life and learning new boundaries and the future will be all the better for it. For you and your son. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you.

Is he Canadian?

If he's being made redundant he'll have no need to return to the UK and may try to remain there with your child. And if he has a chunk of redundancy money, it's more likely.

Many years ago I worked for the then immigration service.

One of the things we did was operate a watch list of children likely to be taken out of the country. It was a problem. Once a child is out of the UK, especially if the taking parent is a national of the other country, things can get very difficult.

But regardless of his nationality, say no to this trip.

Three weeks is a long time for a toddler to be away from his mum. It's a controlling tactic; to cause as much distress to you as possible while on the surface seeming to be doing something 'nice', a holiday with daddy.

Do everything in writing, not in person. Easier to bully and intimidate in person.

Yes, accept it will mean he will refuse permission for you to take your child abroad on any holiday in retaliation, and may do this until he no longer has control. It's a small price to pay and you'll have some lovely holidays in the UK!

The first thing you need to do is get him out of your head. Therapy to help you move on from an abusive relationship. A network of family and friends. He's still working away in there, prodding the bruises, making you think he can control you, your home, your childcare, and you need to heal yourself to be strong for your DC.

You can say NO.

It’s not unreasonable at all to think he’s not planning to come back, nd it explains why he’s so insistent on taking your son. I would be taking steps to ensure he doesn’t get the passport, and you need a limited steps order so he can’t report it as lost to obtain a new one without you knowing. But ‘holiday’ aside OP is there anything official about contact time ? If not, you need to get it sorted via the court. What if he refused to hand your child back and went for custody based on the time the child had spent with him ?

Edited to say you may be wise to formalise visitation rights for your ex and requested that they be at a contact centre so that you don’t have to divulge your address.

Just wanted to send a big hug @HelloHelloHelpNeeded , you've had good advice on here and basically your ex is trying it on. Mine is similar so I understand how confusing it all is when you're in the thick of it.

That's desperately sad @GrandmasCat 😔
The lengths abusive men will go to, to try regain their control is shocking.

The last few sentences of this post are crucial. If there is nothing in writing or a process started in court, he can take the child home or wherever he wants, which in itself is not much of a problem. The problem is that, with nothing in writing or court process, if he keeps them for a few weeks, he can claim he is the “resident parent” and then the only way to get your child back is via courts and by the time the case is seen, the courts may not want to “uproot” the child if they are already settled in the other home.

I have seen it happening and it is dreadful, the mother I knew managed to get her child back (he claimed to be the main carer after just two weeks of having the child overnight, even when the mum was taking care of the toddler during the day). As I said, she got her toddler back after some very stressful weeks at court but they had quite an impact on her emotionally and financially for a long time.

This is just so ignorant of the issues at play here, that l simply don’t know where to start. OP was in a coercive and controlling relationship with this man. He’s weaponised their shared custody of their child to gaslight OP into thinking he has the right to visit her home and ‘approve’ her childcare. He’s still trying to control her even though they are divorced. That alone is enough to arouse suspicion that he will use the child further to control her. And it’s not ‘his time’ with the child - it’s three weeks, which cuts into OP’s time. She has every reason and every right to stop him taking their child out of the country. And to accuse a woman who has exited an abusive relationship of being just as controlling as her ex for standing up to him and challenging his bullshit is beyond appalling.

I think all contact by email is a good idea.
Please talk to Women's aid.
You have flown domestic abuse, his control of you.
Do not hand over your child to him.
Let him go to court for access.
Contact the police and ask about a contact centre as you do not want him knowing where you live.

HE can pay for the contact centre.
He is using your child to control you.
Don't allow it.
Reach out for advice and support.

What appalling "advice" - you sound like OP's ex. 🙄

Hide the passport extremely well and DO NOT let him into your house. His visit to check the new house is suitable may be his way to look for and take the passport

@HelloHelloHelpNeeded I loved reading your first long update OP - you're starting to break the hold your ex has on you and I love your new-found assertiveness in dealing with him. Keep it up! 😃
"Just refuse to sign the form and hand over the passport?" Yes, exactly this. Do not comply with these requests at all. You may also want to consider getting a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent your ex claiming your child's passport has been "lost" and getting a new one for them. Here's some information on this: https://www.gov.uk/stop-child-passport . You could also contact your local Citizens Advice office for advice - most of them have a list of solicitors who provide pro bono (free) advice upon referral from the CA office for up to an hour of initial advice.

Unless you have actual reasons to believe he will try to stay abroad, then why are you trying to control what he does during his time with his son?
And his money/job situation has nothing to do with you.

You can challenge the duration if it's not already part of your agreement regarding contact time. But you shouldn't have a say in what he wants to do during his time. Trust goes both ways, or you're just as controlling as he is.

Even if you do sign the form, there is no guarantee that he would sign a form for you in the future. From what you have said, he is obstructive and controlling to you, he would probably expect veto on any holiday you want to book in the future and will no doubt have a long list of reasons for you not to go.
I wouldn't be signing the form or giving him a passport. Apologies if I missed it, but do you have anything official in place with regards when or how long he has your son? If not, I think you need to get something put in place via courts.

I believe you can also notify Passport Office in case he tries to claim your son’s passport has been lost and apply for another.

This is exactly what I thought. Be very careful op!
Don't sign the permission, don't give ex your son's passport. Trust your gut!

2 weeks is to much . Is he from Canada? Or do you think he has work plans their?
Don't sign . Just say maybe in the future when he is older .

@HelloHelloHelpNeeded do NOT sign the form or hand over your DS's passport.
You and/or your ex can apply to the crt for an order which grants permission for a holiday abroad, but it has to be reasonable and a reasonable amount of notice must be given. He won't get a crt order for this holiday due to not enough notice, unreasonable amount of time away from the primary carer (3 weeks) and he doesn't have time to get the crt order. If you want to go abroad in the future you just need to give reasonable notice and if he refuses apply to the crt and they will most likely agree.

I wouldn't sign the form either. He's been made redundant so has no need to come back to the UK quickly.

Going forward given how volatile he is you would be advised to get a legal order in place stating that your DC lives with you.
Without that he could keep your child after contact and not return him (assuming he has PR) and you'd have to go to court to force a return.

Is any of his abuse toward you recorded anywhere official? Police, women's aid etc?

Is he Canadian?

If he's being made redundant he'll have no need to return to the UK and may try to remain their with your child.

Do not sign the form and make sure you keep his passport somewhere nice and safe. Taking a 2 year old to Canada for no real reason is daft and obviously a power play from him. I would also be tempted to make child visits formal and go through the court, whilst it won’t stop him wasting your time by not turning up etc. as you would have to make your son available on mandated days, it would mean he couldn’t say you are preventing him from seeing his son.

Say no. Let him try taking you to court if he likes, I doubt the court will agree jt