It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

Now, I know little about LOTR. I do know that elves are like the ultimate beauty, etc.

It’s blatantly obvious that this actually has nothing to do with LOTR but is down to being compared to another woman. Another woman who has been deemed very hot by the males in the group, apparently by your partner too. That is going to cause some pretty sensitive feelings and I can very much understand why you feel upset given his later comments on the character which you are compared to. Essentially, it feels like he is admiring this other woman while disrespecting you.

I think you need to have a calm, mature and confronting conversation about how this has made you feel and elaborate on how the situation came across to you, without dwelling too much on the fact it is his pet name for you. He needs to listen and understand- if he doesn’t than frankly he doesn’t care about your feelings.

You are honestly restoring my faith in humanity. It’s concerning how many people have completely missed the point!

I sort of agree with this, OP! Clearly your DH and his friends are LotR mega fans to be chatting like this and, unless there are other issues with your relationship, I wouldn’t read loads in to it at all. Everyone has their own random fantasies don’t they; could be an elf, it could be Michael Fassbender side eyes own DH who couldn’t look less like him if he tried - it doesn’t mean we love our own partners any less. However I do understand you’re feeling upset by what you overheard and his reaction isn’t brilliant - is your relationship usually a good one?

Why is it sillier than falling out over any other subject? It could be a disagreement over football. Would people judge in quite the same way? No. Because this is about social status and snobbery. Certain subjects are associated with lesser social standing in the pecking order. Nerd things are looked down on in a certain way by certain social groups.

It's always fascinating to watch play out in action.

The OP likened herself to a hobbit from LOTR, collects hobbits, paints hobbits, has a partner who is into LOTR and all friends seem to be into LOTR, hasn’t spoken to her partner in 2-3 days as they had a falling out that involved LOTR characters,

All a bit silly

I'm half worried in case OP spent the rest of her evening smashing up her hand-painted hobbit mugs and tearing their limited-edition LOTR prints from the walls.

And I half think it'd be a good idea, not to mention cathartic ... as long as she also smashes up The Dwarf's most prized theme-related artefacts.

So it's much better to talk about the fantasy of your team winning the match this weekend? Or signing X star player?

Or winning the lottery and what you might do with the money?

And it's soooo much better than talking about the latest hit TV show - if it's a drama, that's not real. If it's reality TV, that's not real either.

We should all be ultra serious and stern and talk about the news. All the time. In a very earnest way.

(Fucking hell I'm a news and politics nerd, and fucking hell I also like talking about all kinds of utter bollocks cos I don't have a stick up my arse).

Even if this is how the conversation went, or what the actual nuances were, which I doubt (this is OP's interpretation of it), so what?

The point I and others are making is that it doesn't matter if people fantasise about people / creatures who look wildly different from how their partners look.

The writers of The Big Bang Theory will so nick this as a story line.

Yes, Because they are 'childish‘, they are fictional characters

Yep he’s a beastly golem

“DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet”

OP, I think when he said this he was envisioning an ACTUAL Hobbit, but when he calls YOU Hobbit it is more of a nick name.

For example, imagine my DH calls me Chicken as an affectionate name and then I hear him having a discussion with friends about Chicken Run and says ‘I wouldn’t shag a chicken with those horrible scaly feet’ . Obviously he doesn’t mean me at that moment, he means a real chicken.

(Disclaimer: my DH does not call me Chicken. Or discuss shagging chickens. )

as you are showing!

they didn't just randomly bring up hypothetical hobbits and elves out of nowhere, like they were playing 'would you rather?'

the conversation started because they were talking about the new GF (i.e. a real person) and they compared her to an elf because of her physical attributes. They were saying it was every man's dream to have a girlfriend with those physical attributes. Then the friend asked the DH didn't he prefer hobbits because he knew that was the DH's nickname for OP, you know, another real person. That was the whole reason for bringing hobbits into it, to ask the DH, 'Hang on what about your wife?' Otherwise he could have just said 'haha yeah right you'd be lucky to pull an (orc/a dunlending/literally any other creature in LOTR) let alone an elf,' or something.

replace elf with supermodel or cheerleader or something if your imagination is so lacking that the LOTR aspect is impacting your reading ability.

I'd probably step away from the whole thing. No watching it or entertaing mates going on about it.
He should have apologised instantly. He takes you for granted, I think.

I wouldn't talk to him either. You aren't one of his mates. Wait for him to apologise.

Change his nickname to fuckwit.

Preciousssssss

Silly LOTR chat or small talk about mortgage rates, mother in laws, the footy, which kid is beating the shit out of yours, DIY, who has the most efficient solar panels, the latest episode of celebrity get me out of here...

Why are people so snobby about certain topics? Because they are 'childish'?

There are much fuller things to talk about.

For people on this thread who haven't read the original LOTR trilogy and are too young to have encountered the brilliant old-school Internet's Book-A-Minute summary of many great literary works, I offer you these links.

The summary of the Two Towers is particularly fine, IMO.

www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.fellowship.shtml

www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.twotowers.shtml

www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.returnking.shtml

But they were not "literally" saying that - they were referring to their real life partners in terms related to characters from a shared interest piece of fiction.

Which op overheard, fully understood, and so got the dig at her.

how is it the only group she fits into?
there aren't just elves and hobbits in LOTR, there are lots of humans too - in fact the whole overall plot is about the time of the magical creatures coming to an end and the race of men becoming the dominant species.
short (or in OP's case pretty much average) women are still human!

I didn't say the new gf was actively involved in the discussion. The men were (rudely) discussing the differences in their partners, not realising op could hear everything.

And yes I know the later discussion was just between those 2, but op was still embarrassed by what he told her because it was hurtful and insulting.

I know, can you imagine being at a party with a whole load of them and they are conversing about hobbits and elves….I would be out the door

They were literally saying would you rather shag a hobbit or an elf!

The reading comprehension on this site is something else.

Shag marry avoid

Rosie, Galadriel, Arwen.

I think even Sam would pick Galadriel to shag tbh...

but it's not jokey or fantasy, because both OP and the friend's gf are real women, not hypothetical characters.

If they were saying 'would you rather shag a hobbit or an elf,' or even 'Rosie or Galadriel?' it would be one thing, but they were talking about two actual people.

Unbelievably silly