It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

Kili wouldn't! The whole Hobbit trilogy was sacrilege.

OT but I saw a video of her recently saying that she chose those characters deliberately because there was such a hideous response to her playing the character in Leon. She was stalked, there was a countdown to her 18th birthday, she received disgusting letters (“fan mail”) and was just so put off that she only ever wanted to be seen as academic and studious. Really sad. I know it happens to most young women, like Emma whatsit who played Hermione Granger; Billie Piper… Why, men, why??

And here I thought elves were short.

OP, you are not unreasonable to feel hurt. I would be upset too if I were you. I'm sorry about the people on this thread who are being so nasty. I think that there is a big contingent of people on Mumsnet who have miserable lives and get their fun from tearing down vulnerable people. It's like they never grew out of the mean girl stage from their school days.

What?? Are you saying it isn’t?

Umm, she’d pick the one she loved? Just guessing.

@UnhappyHobbit it sounds like you’ve really leaned into the hobbit nickname where it doesn’t mean as much to him (for whatever reason) maybe you put more significance on the meaning behind it than he does…

I get why it would be hurtful and I think others would too if they could get past the whole LOTR thing. Sorry so many posters are such dicks.

It was a joke.... Blimey. That's super sensitive and silly

I mean he basically called you a short, homely woman and the new girlfriend tall and radiant.

id be upset too

Ohh i would've been hurt by that too. What an arse.

Sorry for all the stupid comments you're getting too. People just can't seem to use their brains sometimes.

he says he doesn’t like hobbits. You aren’t a hobbit. Unless you identify as one I really don’t see the problem

Sounds like she would be better placed to be a hobbit identifying as an elf?

Seriously, this whole thing is so odd. How you could go on a house visit like that and stay during such weird chatter is beyond me. I would have claimed headache, grabbed car keys and ran after 5mins thus sparing myself any weird hobbit/elf talk.

100% this.

This seems like an over reaction on your part. Your husband made a light hearted comment about anyone wanting to pull an elf. That's like saying no one would turn down Marilyn Munroe. It's a reference to the fact that non-existent Tolkien style elves are supposed to be stunningly attractive in a supernatural, un-human way, not an actual statement of preference.

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(If after this my social media feeds becomes flooded with Lord of the rings fan posts I'm going to pretty peeved, just saying.)

OK, op I've read your posts but got bored on page 2 of the replies (sorry, I just can't stand Lord of the rings).

When I first read your post I thought, like others, that he's been a completely insulting knob and yanbu to be so upset. A quick re-read however and I've altered my opinion.

He's still been a bit of a knob, but not such a massive one, just insensitive.

Firstly, he said the turn off with hobbits was the big hairy feet and I don't think that's unreasonable! You don't have hairy feet so this is obviously not a comparison to you. Don't be so sensitive.

He should have been sensitive to the fact that you took up the hobbit nickname and did, to be fair, build an identity around it so it was a bit of a knobbish thing to say, particularly in front of you. Hardly crime of the century though.

It seems to me what he intended as a bit of laddish joke (and in this new light, a bit neggy let's be fair) in calling you a hobbit because of your height, you interpreted as an endearing nickname and....ran away with it a bit.

So, unless this also evolved into Lord of the rings roleplay with you as a hobbit and him as a ... whatever...then this is really a case of crossed wires and not a slur on your attractiveness.

It's reasonable to feel upset that something which came to be meaningful to you isn't to him, and I can understand that it felt like you being included in a special way in his interest, but don't get hung up on it.

Perhaps he has got a bit tired of the whole hobbit thing? There are also other ways to feel involved with his Lord of the rings obsession.

I think the sting possibly comes from what felt like a sweet, endearing expression of love between you both - and maybe made you feel protected- wasn't what you thought. One could argue that he didn't have to along with it and the fact that he did is perhaps in his favour (although again, makes his remark a bit knobbish).

So. Tell him he's a knob, explain why you feel hurt (about the meaningful, endearing aspect) but don't go around thinking he's not that attracted to you just because you're not the carbon copy of an imaginary, magical being.

Not even Kate Moss looks like an elf.

I don't understand how people are missing this. The LOTR stuff is irrelevant.

OP I'd be hurt too tho ironically it's the other way round - I'm tall & funnily enough have a name from LOTR but always feel shorter women are more attractive to men, so if my DH had made thy equivalent comment to his mates about one of their girlfriends then I'd feel quite insecure too.

OP start distancing yourself from this analogy by starting with a new username

Nah I get ya. My ex was like you're too tall you're like an elf I wish you where small etc. He's a prck for comparing his mates gf to you !!

We've been furnished with one line of an argument over which they haven't spoken in days. I'll take a punt that they both said stupid things.

Was the new girlfriend (the one they compared to an elf) part of the conversation about elves and hobbits, or was it just guys? With her involved in the conversation, I'd wonder if they were trying to flatter her (in a gross way); if not, I'd be a little concerned about this conversation about women which (of course, without hearing it, so maybe misunderstanding the tone) sounds really objectifying and misogynist. To be clear: not great IF the "Elf", and possibly other women, were there - potentially quite awful if not.

(I realise that this is an ironic username for discussing this topic! 😆)

Are the dwarves noble? I sat through watched LOTR and thought Gimley was an absolute bell-end.

And how does that explain the fact that when she called him out later he said he has only been calling her hobbit because she is short meanwhile she has always thought he called her hobbit because he likes hobbits and it was a cute pet name for her?

I'd be a Pratchett elf, much more fun :D