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AIBU?

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Original poster

It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

366 replies

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 19:53

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

OP posts:
Charlottejbt · 06/05/2025 21:02

Sherararara · 06/05/2025 20:50

Maybe op should call her dh a dwarf or ork then.

Is that where “dork” comes from?
Mind Blown!

Show quote history

Idk whether that's where "dork" comes from, but LOTR is certainly where dorks gravitate to. Maybe the OP should hang out with some normal people and get some perspective: dream girl might be an "elf" (not generally a compliment AFAIK) but if she's into this embarassing kids' fantasy stuff she's just another dork.

loulouljh · 06/05/2025 21:02

what??! This is mad.

S0j0urn4r · 06/05/2025 21:01

Were you both a bit moody because you hadn't had second breakfast?

unlikelywitch · 06/05/2025 21:00

Elves and hobbits and dwarfs, oh my!

Sorry but this has given me the absolute ick. It’s like a cringey storyline from The Big Bang Theory.

Butchyrestingface · 06/05/2025 21:00

WileyCyrus · 06/05/2025 20:31

Agreed! I meet so many women who say “oh I’m a short arse, I’m tiny, I’m only 5ft 4”
That’s only an inch shorter than my very average 5ft 5. It does annoy me

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Well, imagine how I feel at 5ft 2" when women of 5ft 6" and above complain about how short they are.

Get tae fuck, you giraffes.

RobinHeartella · 06/05/2025 20:58

Yanbu, I'd feel the same in your place op.

(As it happens my dh does quite resemble an elf, and I married him and made two beautiful half elf children. So I get it.)

I also think your dh accusing you of making hobbit your whole personality is very ironic considering he seems to live and breathe lotr.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/05/2025 20:57

I think he’s been extremely elfish.

Seriously op it’s just a cute nickname she’s that was just a jokey conversation with his mate.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 06/05/2025 20:53

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 19:53

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

Oh :( I feel like that was really unkind, that friend almost seemed to be bringing you up in a kind way, and he could have just said something affirming of you. To me I'd feel like he'd compared me negatively to the new girl in the group and that's harsh. Also a bit mean about how he's then critical of you leaning in to your nickname from him...maybe that was him being defensive ..but he's not been a good guy here, not shown loyalty. How are things generally?

TeaAndTattoos · 06/05/2025 20:53

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 06/05/2025 20:36

Mate, I would love to pull Simu Liu, but my husband doesn't fret over not being a six foot tall Chinese man with insane abs.

Mate absolutely with you on that one he is so easy on the eye I only willingly sat through Shang-Chi and the legend of the ten rings for him my DH actually thought I was really enjoying the film.

Original poster
UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 20:53

allyjay · 06/05/2025 20:51

I would be hurt by that too OP. Take away The Lord of The Rings thing and he's basically saying he finds a completely different type of woman to you more attractive. And worse that he wouldn't be attracted to your 'type'. It's cruel, insensitive and unnecessary. Also don't know why people are being dicks to you on here about it, saying things like 'I'm at a loss' and 'have no words', well don't fucking reply then, it's not compulsory!

Thank you for this. I know it sounds petty to some and I do welcome feedback from all but I’m really taken aback by it.

OP posts:
WetBandits · 06/05/2025 20:52

OP, if it makes you feel better…

DP and I are big LOTR fans and rewatch the films fairly frequently. I had my hair in a topknot once and he told me I looked like Lurtz. Every time I have it in a topknot now, he asks if I’m going to find the halflings. I laugh because it’s funny, and I know he doesn’t actually think I look like an Uruk-hai.

He also makes no secret of how much he fancies Miranda Otto and Karl Urban whenever we watch it.

Get a grip 😂

allyjay · 06/05/2025 20:51

I would be hurt by that too OP. Take away The Lord of The Rings thing and he's basically saying he finds a completely different type of woman to you more attractive. And worse that he wouldn't be attracted to your 'type'. It's cruel, insensitive and unnecessary. Also don't know why people are being dicks to you on here about it, saying things like 'I'm at a loss' and 'have no words', well don't fucking reply then, it's not compulsory!

Sherararara · 06/05/2025 20:50

Okrr · 06/05/2025 20:49

Orlando/Legolas was an elf and Aragon was human. Idk kili.
Maybe op should call her dh a dwarf or ork then.

Show quote history

Maybe op should call her dh a dwarf or ork then.

Is that where “dork” comes from?
Mind Blown!

AgnesXNitt · 06/05/2025 20:50

I'm short and have always been quite curvy - my DH has always said he finds me beautiful and exactly his "type". If I heard him saying to his friends that his dream woman would be tall and willowy I would be quite upset. YANBU.

GoldBeautifulHeart · 06/05/2025 20:50

Now we have LOTR fetish 🧝‍♀️🧝‍♂️

Okrr · 06/05/2025 20:49

LittleLabrador · 06/05/2025 20:43

I don’t know what or who Kili is. All I remember from LoTR is that Aragon was very fit. I’m not sure if he was an elf. I would def prefer him to Frodo or Orlando bloom with the long white hair.

Show quote history

Orlando/Legolas was an elf and Aragon was human. Idk kili.
Maybe op should call her dh a dwarf or ork then.

MamaLenny · 06/05/2025 20:48

Tell him he's an orc

MoominMai · 06/05/2025 20:48

@LittleLabrador Kilinis a dwarf and yum yes Aragon was fit asf! He was a man of the Dunadan lineage so don’t need to feel silly fancying him haha 😅

Weekmindedfool · 06/05/2025 20:47

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 06/05/2025 20:46

Love how your title is, “It’s a LOTR one”… as if this is a very common Mumsnet problem.

Right up there with the MIL ones.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 06/05/2025 20:46

Love how your title is, “It’s a LOTR one”… as if this is a very common Mumsnet problem.

WetBandits · 06/05/2025 20:44

I think you’re being a bit…Precious 😏

Okrr · 06/05/2025 20:44

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 20:22

It is real and no I don’t have hairy feet.
I just can’t help feeling a little betrayed that he would prefer someone different to me that’s all.

Elves are beautiful and live much longer. Are they saying the gf is beautiful and you are not? I don’t understand the context of the insult unless it’s a beauty/refinement thing. If so, and they mean and and are not joking, I can see your displeasure.

LittleLabrador · 06/05/2025 20:43

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 20:37

Kili would.

Show quote history

I don’t know what or who Kili is. All I remember from LoTR is that Aragon was very fit. I’m not sure if he was an elf. I would def prefer him to Frodo or Orlando bloom with the long white hair.

StandFirm · 06/05/2025 20:42

Missing the point of the thread but how has no one mentioned Aragorn?? Wouldn't settle for anything else personally...

Dontlletmedownbruce · 06/05/2025 20:41

It never occurred to me that DH is with me because he thinks I'm the most gorgeous creatures he ever laid eyes on. Nor do I think that of him. We just ended up together. Most men on TV are more attractive, he wouldn't be upset if I say l like this man or that. Likewise I'm well aware that many of his colleagues and our neighbours are more attractive than me. Of course we'd rather in theory be with beautiful people but we got each other and I'd like to think there is a lot more to our relationship than looks.