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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

366 replies

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 19:53

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

OP posts:
SnoopyPajamas · 06/05/2025 21:41

It sounds like he's jealous of his friend for pulling a conventionally 'hot' woman. He settled for you because he knows he's no Aragorn, but if a woman his mates admired showed any interest in him, he'd leave you for her.

I'd guess he spoke about you the way he did because he was feeling resentful. His friend mentioning that you were a hobbit will have set him off because in his mind, all his friends are laughing at him. He's got a short and homely hobbit type, and his mate has 'got' an elf. You've wounded his ego.

You were supposed to try and transform yourself into more of an Arwen. Or at least stop reminding men you're the hobbit type. Be good arm candy and make the lads jealous.

Sorry, OP. I'd think twice about him.

babyproblems · 06/05/2025 21:41

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 20:22

It is real and no I don’t have hairy feet.
I just can’t help feeling a little betrayed that he would prefer someone different to me that’s all.

This is not what it means op.

‘Please both grow up soon!! This is madness.

AnotherDayanotherNameChangeX · 06/05/2025 21:39

Wtf is this 🤣

lucya66 · 06/05/2025 21:39

Can you please file this in the LOTR area so we can find it properly. Thanks.

RedToothBrush · 06/05/2025 21:38

PluckyCheeks · 06/05/2025 21:32

Just tell him an elf would not go out with a dwarf.

Ouch.

Dwarves. Notoriously shallow and grumpy and were corrupted by Sauron into being greedy leading them to mine too deep at Moria which ended in the fall of the dwarven kingdom when they unleashed a balrog.

Yes indeedy. Call him a dwarf. It's not a compliment.

Littleoakhorn · 06/05/2025 21:37

Take a break from LOTR and read Terry Pratchett’s ‘Lords and Ladies’ instead. You won’t want to be an elf after that 😊

Cherrytree86 · 06/05/2025 21:36

You could just dump him OP? @UnhappyHobbit

RedToothBrush · 06/05/2025 21:35

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/05/2025 21:29

Do people really have conversations like this? How old are you all ?

You clearly don't know enough nerds.

(This isn't really my cup of tea as it's on the weird end, but I know people like this and have to be able to hold a conversation about shit like this. Believe me it's better than dungeons and dragons talk and multi sided dice - no I have never played before you ask).

crinkletits · 06/05/2025 21:35

If your husband called you an alien with 17 heads you wouldn’t argue you weren’t as it’s a ridiculous thing to say. Can I suggest you feel a little intimidated by the new gf and are reading meaning into his words hence no longer feeling being nick named a hobbit is cute. You don’t need to argue that you’re not a real hobbit as that’s silly but your meaning and your own feeling about the meaning has changed and not his.

Teaandtoastserveddaily · 06/05/2025 21:35

Can't believe how much of a knob everyone is being. Just because OP likes lord of the rings.

Lots of adults have 'special interests' mine is currently motorways.

Very bitchy of everyone.

Hope you're OK, OP. I'd have been hurt too.

PluckyCheeks · 06/05/2025 21:32

Just tell him an elf would not go out with a dwarf.

RedToothBrush · 06/05/2025 21:32

And there was me thinking that elves were beautiful but exceptionally cold and rather aloof, whereas hobbits were short but your best friend, loyal to the bitterest end, never let you down and were exceptional at making you feel comfortable and at home.

In shag, marry, avoid LOTR version with elves, hobbits and humans what would you do?

Apreslapluielesoleil · 06/05/2025 21:31

Well it’s way past his bed time and it’s a school day tomorrow. He is 12 isn’t he?
Because a man chattering on about elves, hobbits etc as if they matter is deeply unattractive.

Sherararara · 06/05/2025 21:31

nocoolnamesleft · 06/05/2025 21:30

So you admit being a bully? There's something to be proud of. I think geeks are much nicer people than bullies.

God you’re right. I apologise. I will immediately go and throw myself into a fiery chasm from whence I came!

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 06/05/2025 21:31

I'm sorry OP. It's a bit harsh when you are upset and wearing your heart on your sleeve and then people start ridiculing you. What he said was arrogant, thoughtless and mean. His lack of proper apology is also of a similarly disrespectful and uncaring attitude. I can see why you are upset. I hope he reflects and improves

Gundogday · 06/05/2025 21:30

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/05/2025 21:29

Do people really have conversations like this? How old are you all ?

You’ve never watched The Big Bang theory then?

nocoolnamesleft · 06/05/2025 21:30

Sherararara · 06/05/2025 21:27

Yes. Very much yes.

So you admit being a bully? There's something to be proud of. I think geeks are much nicer people than bullies.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/05/2025 21:29

Do people really have conversations like this? How old are you all ?

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 06/05/2025 21:28

SpryUmberZebra · 06/05/2025 21:19

I agree, it’s the fact that all his friends know he calls her hobbit and they even thought this was his type, his response was an insult to her in front of his friends.

I think people are hung up on the LOTR reference but that’s not really the point.

Edited

The point is that the OP is getting hung up about a jokey, fantasy conversation.

If a dwarf and Aragorn were both desperate to go to bed with her, is she really going to tell us she'd pick the dwarf?

None of us is as gorgeous as we'd like to be, and most people have fantasies about people (or, in this case, imaginary creatures) we could never have. Big deal.

Gundogday · 06/05/2025 21:28

I’d be put out too. He’s disrespected his affectionate name for you.

Sherararara · 06/05/2025 21:27

nocoolnamesleft · 06/05/2025 21:23

If people despise LoTR so much, why come on a thread that clearly mentions LoTR in the title? Was it just so you could mock the OP?

Yes. Very much yes.

RobertaFirmino · 06/05/2025 21:27

My DH says I look like a gibbon. I'm almost certain he'd not want to shag one though.

BusyExpert · 06/05/2025 21:26

mums net , the gift that keeps on giving........

Icreatedausernameyippee · 06/05/2025 21:24

Oh honey. That's horrible.
Take away the LOTR aspect.
He's effectively been teasing you for the way you're built your entire relationship, which you took in good faith as endearment. Now you've overheard him insulting the very quality you thought he was so fond of.
And he's doubled down.
He's an arse and he owes you an apology.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/05/2025 21:23

If people despise LoTR so much, why come on a thread that clearly mentions LoTR in the title? Was it just so you could mock the OP?