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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a LOTR one. I feel so upset over my DHs comment about elves.

366 replies

UnhappyHobbit · 06/05/2025 19:53

Name change for this one as it’s slightly outing.

My DH is a huge lord of the rings fan. When my DH and I first got together, he used to “lovingly” joke that I was his hobbit. I’m only 5’3” and I do dress quite quirky so I took it as a compliment. It soon became a bit of a pet name for me and as he’s short too, I likened him to a dwarf.

Over the weekend, We were at one of his friend’s house and he has a relatively new girlfriend. Their kitchen /lounge is slightly open plan so I could hear slightly the conversation my DH was having with his friends. All of his friends are lotr fans and this new gf in the group is very tall. DHs friend was bragging that he had finally managed to pull an elf. My DH exclaimed that it was every man’s dream to pull an elf… One of DHs friends said I thought it was your dream to pull a hobbit, my pet name is known to his friends. DH said he wouldn’t touch a hobbit with those big and hairy feet.

I felt so defeated over this. He has called me a hobbit for years, affectionately so I thought.

I approached him about this after the party and he said that the whole hobbit thing was him teasing me because I’m short. He didn’t want to bring this up as, in his words “I made hobbit my whole personality”. We argued and I said, why is he with me if his dream is someone very tall and well the opposite to me.!? We haven’t spoken since and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting.

Aibu for being devastated and embarrassed by this?

OP posts:
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Uricon2 · 09/05/2025 19:46

Remember: hes not settling for a hobbit:
Hes just lucky that he met a lovely lady like you who shares his interests

This, 100%

SamuelDJackson · 09/05/2025 19:40

So glad you have talked to him and are feeling a bit better
It seems trivial but sometimes the weirdest things can hit a raw nerve

Remember: hes not settling for a hobbit:
Hes just lucky that he met a lovely lady like you who shares his interests

And thanks for the patience with the derailing, I rather adore LOTR despite all my critiques

Uricon2 · 09/05/2025 19:05

UnhappyHobbit · 09/05/2025 18:15

Thank you for all the helpful replies. I am so pleased to see the LOTR fans hanging out at the end of this thread and I don’t think we will take much notice of those who mock us.

I spoke to my DH about it and he has apologised and understands how I’m feeling the way I am. I guess he’s just had to settle for a hobbit and I best keep my eyes peeled for any elven folk that come his way 😂

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Glad you're OK @UnhappyHobbit and thanks for being patient and understanding of the massive derail!

If you've never read him, Alan Garner. Fabulous.

Original poster
UnhappyHobbit · 09/05/2025 18:15

Well1mBack · 08/05/2025 21:10

I'm a massive LOTR fan. I'm also a fan of reading AIBU threads, especially lurking on relationship ones. I think I'm going to save this thread and read it all and I hope it becomes one of my favourites of all time. 😆

Oh and Op, don't worry too much; my DH calls me a hobbit because I DO have hairy feet! Well...toes! I was upset at first but I laugh now. Sometimes men just say things and they don't actually properly think it through. I hope you can get past this, it sounds as though you will. X

Thank you for all the helpful replies. I am so pleased to see the LOTR fans hanging out at the end of this thread and I don’t think we will take much notice of those who mock us.

I spoke to my DH about it and he has apologised and understands how I’m feeling the way I am. I guess he’s just had to settle for a hobbit and I best keep my eyes peeled for any elven folk that come his way 😂

OP posts:
redcord · 09/05/2025 10:20

And in defence of female spiders in literature:

"It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

(You can all start sobbing now).

Uricon2 · 09/05/2025 09:40

In a bit of a defence of JRR, he seems from all I've read to be quite a decent man, although obviously of his time and very much affected as many were by his service in WW1. Long, happy marriage which had a bit of a Romeo and Juliet start and he relocated to Bournemouth from his beloved Oxford on retirement purely to make his wife happy.

Apparently he did intend to have Eowyn and Aragorn end up together but changed his mind as he felt A was "too old, too lordly and too grim" for her (obviously, Viggo wouldn't have been!) I think her transformation into a healer from a warrior might be a reflection of his own experience of warfare. He believed that self defence was necessary but did not glorify it or diminish the horrors. Maybe he genuinely saw Eowyn's later chosen role as more worthy, not because she was a woman but because it is better to heal than to kill.

Just my thoughts and probably totally wrong!

Ownedbykitties · 09/05/2025 09:17

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2025 23:34

Nah, Aragog was a rip off of Shelob/Ungoliant (a pretty meaty female role in the books, too).

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I see! Being a bloke spider he wouldn't have fitted in to LOTR.

Ownedbykitties · 09/05/2025 09:16

SamuelDJackson · 09/05/2025 05:15

Id forgotton the spider - of course the spider would be female in the Tolkien canon - I missed a whole role, though it fits with all the rest
The evil, ever-hungry spider, spinning webs and making traps, sly and decitful in the shadows, lurking to catch unsuspecting prey, poisoning but not quite killing them, leaving them to rot and sucking them dry
Classic femme fatale/evil temptress role (though with no seduction element)

😂😂.

SamuelDJackson · 09/05/2025 05:15

Id forgotton the spider - of course the spider would be female in the Tolkien canon - I missed a whole role, though it fits with all the rest
The evil, ever-hungry spider, spinning webs and making traps, sly and decitful in the shadows, lurking to catch unsuspecting prey, poisoning but not quite killing them, leaving them to rot and sucking them dry
Classic femme fatale/evil temptress role (though with no seduction element)

Foostit · 08/05/2025 23:45

WTF have I just read? 😳😂

Ownedbykitties · 08/05/2025 23:38

I knew I did not like LOTR at all. Now I know why. It's a pile of 💩. Thank you for this explanation @SamuelDJackson

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2025 23:34

Ownedbykitties · 08/05/2025 23:30

I though Aragorn was the huge spider from Harry Potter

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Nah, Aragog was a rip off of Shelob/Ungoliant (a pretty meaty female role in the books, too).

Ownedbykitties · 08/05/2025 23:30

LittleLabrador · 06/05/2025 20:43

I don’t know what or who Kili is. All I remember from LoTR is that Aragon was very fit. I’m not sure if he was an elf. I would def prefer him to Frodo or Orlando bloom with the long white hair.

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I though Aragorn was the huge spider from Harry Potter

Arraminta · 08/05/2025 22:52

RhiWrites · 08/05/2025 20:51

I think the Uruk Hai are quite fit actually.

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I always think of the Uruk Hai as being the laddish, university rugby team players of Middle Earth. Burly shoulders, muscley thighs and loads of stupid drinking games.

Arraminta · 08/05/2025 22:49

Uricon2 · 08/05/2025 20:13

I was never as struck as some by Gandalf as Cadellin Silverbrow was "my" wizard.

I always wanted to own a brace of Irish Wolfhounds called Gandalf and Cadellin.

Well1mBack · 08/05/2025 21:10

I'm a massive LOTR fan. I'm also a fan of reading AIBU threads, especially lurking on relationship ones. I think I'm going to save this thread and read it all and I hope it becomes one of my favourites of all time. 😆

Oh and Op, don't worry too much; my DH calls me a hobbit because I DO have hairy feet! Well...toes! I was upset at first but I laugh now. Sometimes men just say things and they don't actually properly think it through. I hope you can get past this, it sounds as though you will. X

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/05/2025 21:07

I had to google what LOTR was

obv im not a fan

i get you are upset as he was taking the piss out of your cute name you have for each other

thi how hobbity (if that is a word) are you ?

Uricon2 · 08/05/2025 21:00

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 20:45

Not forgetting Grimnir his identical, evil brother.

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That was quite some reveal.

RhiWrites · 08/05/2025 20:51

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 06/05/2025 22:31

He incorporated you into the thing he loves and the only group you really fit in are Hobbits if you are short but don't have a beard.

Calling you an elf would be silly if you are obviously not tall and slim.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
It just means that while you fit in the smaller group that are best described as Hobbits, you are the exceptionalyl attractive Hobbit, while most of them are not attractive due to features you don't have (aka large hairy feet).

The fact he found a place for you in his fantasy world is a compliment.
He's hasn't said you are Uruk-hai or Gollum (both also short).
Those would be insulting.

I think the Uruk Hai are quite fit actually.

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 20:45

Uricon2 · 08/05/2025 20:13

I was never as struck as some by Gandalf as Cadellin Silverbrow was "my" wizard.

Not forgetting Grimnir his identical, evil brother.

Uricon2 · 08/05/2025 20:13

I was never as struck as some by Gandalf as Cadellin Silverbrow was "my" wizard.

Iceboy80 · 08/05/2025 19:52

Not sure what the issue is to be honest, I prefer petite women, rather than tall woman but each to their own. LOTR theme going to far at these parties I think!

JudgeyJudie · 08/05/2025 17:47

Give him his ring back. 💍

SamuelDJackson · 08/05/2025 17:33

I seem to have found my tribe, and it wasnt the dwarves
SelinaPlace - you aren't by any chance my D sis posting anonymously? - she also has a phobia of caves and enclosed spaces because of that bloody scene with the rabbit tunnels and water
I have just read the last book a few weeks ago - can see it ties up but am too old and cynical compared to my childhood self

OutsideLookingOut · 08/05/2025 16:48

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 06/05/2025 21:06

stop reading and noticing the ONLY post that agree with you.

If he didn't fancy you, he wouldn't be with you. Simple.

Your nickname started between you 2 as a private joke, you don't actually expect him to fancy an ACTUAL hobbit? You do know what they supposedly look like?

You have a nickname based on a your height, it's private. He doesn't fancy "real" hobbits and all their characteristics.

You are being ridiculous to be offended here.

Wrong. Men can be with women they hate for years and years (not saying this is the case for OP).