Am I a terrible daughter for feeling this way about my relationship with my mother.
i want to start by saying that i love my mother deeply but my relationship with her is feeling very strained and I believe it’s going to get worse and I’m not sure what to do for the best.
For context, my mother is in her early 70s and I’m in my late twenties and due to have my first child with DH. My mother has lived alone and not dated for the last 15 years or so. My father has never been on the scene. I’m an only child.
We are very close but since I can remember I have been a crux for my mother mentally and emotionally. She is a very gentle and devotes her life to her large extended family of brothers and sisters, but shields them from her mental health issues. She is long term grieving a very close family member after dedicating the last few years to being their primary carer. I’m the only person in the world who she confides in. She doesn’t have any friends outside of her family, even though she could have many given her warm personality.
I’m about to go through a massive life change becoming a mother for the first time, but I’m worried knowing this will mean I won’t have the physical or mental capacity to be there for my mother like normal. Some things that concern me are:
she regularly says “I don’t know what I would do without you” “I couldn’t live without you”
her age has rapidly caught up with her and will ask me to do even the smallest of tasks for her when she can, such as turning a TV on, booking train tickets or helping her cut up a steak for example if we are out for dinner. She will just say she can’t do it and won’t try.
her physical health has declined but she is stubborn about looking after her body properly. She doesn’t cook meals for herself and sometimes it feels like her body is just falling apart.
she is financially secure in the sense that she has a comfortable home but has very little disposable income, which is ok as I enjoy spoiling her and have taking her on all her nice holidays and days out since I was 18. she appreciates this so much but the emotional burden is a lot when she says ‘I would never do anything special if it wasn’t for you’
ive tried talking to her so many times over the years but she is very vulnerable and actually very stubborn when it comes to talking any of my suggestions.
i know she won’t be around forever which is why i feel so guilty thinking these things, how can I feel better about what’s to come and her being ok without hurting her feelings and AIBU
i have struggled with my own mental health in the past due to childhood trauma but gotten on top of it with DH support, anti depressants and therapy. I need to be top of my game to be the best mom I can be. Please be kind!