We have just returned from a weekend away with friends and respective children. All of the families bar one have children of a similar age (7-12). The exception have slightly older boys at 13 and 15. The exception family genuinely seem to think their kids can do no wrong and can be left "unparented" because of their ages. They also allow their kids to swear - which is their choice but uncomfortable when they allow it in front of the other families' children. The parents of the teens genuinely believe they are amazing parents and give the rest of us parenting tips. Tips that- it is safe to say- we do not follow.
On our return from the weekend away, I found out that my 12 year old son was slapped across his face by the 15 year old (who is tall and broad and a good 8 or so inches taller than my son) because my son annoyed him.
I feel that the slapping is completely inappropriate given the age (and size) difference between the children. It is clear that my son was too intimidated to mention it at the time of the weekend away because the 15 year old was still present and is still a bit shook up by it. My son has younger siblings himself and they do occasionally physically fight (and told off for it). However, the experience of being hit by someone considerably bigger and older has clearly rattled him.
There are also issues with the 13 year old child of this family. He does furtive mean things to the younger children (nothing too sinister- things like removing toys to deliberately upset them - nothing dangerous). However, I feel like he needs to be watched at all times. In our group situations, this seems to fall on the other parents to do, as his own parents think as he is older, he does not need close supervision.
I feel awful that I did not know that the slap happened at the time. We were all in a holiday house and not all the people were in the same room at the same time all of the time (we were spread out across the garden, bedrooms, lounges).
As we do not see this friendship group too often, I am tempted to not say anything. By the time we meet up again- possibly in a year's time- I will just need to ensure that my kids have an even wider berth from the older troublesome teens.
However, I have a doubt about this "burying my head in the sand" approach; is it better to put a marker down and make the parents aware?
As I feel at the moment, I am not inclined to see the teen family at all. I am not the sort of person who likes to exclude others, so it's a tricky situation: it is not as simple as "just don't invite that family in future"- we have been meeting up as the same group (with or without kids) for more than twenty years. It would be obvious if we simply stopped inviting one family.
I think my question is: at what point is it appropriate to comment on other parents' discipline/parenting approaches?