Family in crisis

You cannot be detained under MHA for alcohol dependence. It’s a specific exclusion under the act

she would be best advised to engage with d uh and alcohol services but she would need to call them herself and show some motivation for change

kindly she is only able to behave like this because of you propping her up and enabling her and one day that has to end. She will be worse for a while but it might be what she needs to get better. Have you tried speaking to Al-Anon for families of alcoholics who can give good advice.

I hope you don’t buy alcohol for her or give her money to get it or allow her to steal it from you with no consequences. If you do you should stop.

There is nothing worse than contemplating throwing your child (even adult children) out of the family home.
In your case OP I think you should have kicked her out a long, long time ago. People need to hit rock bottom to make changes, you are keeping her too comfortable.
Personally I would ring adult social care and tell them she is being removed from the home in 1 week as you are no longer able to cope.

So are you giving her money for alcohol (or actually going and buying it for her), or is she drawing on savings and buying it herself?

Does she work? How is she paying for the drink?

It comes to how far you’d be willing to go with it. None of us wants to see our children struggling, but at the very least I’d give her a month’s eviction notice and follow through with it. Give it a few weeks at least to see what she’s capable of doing on her own without you supporting her

Sorry that this is your life OP, sounds tough. Honestly I think while you're popping her up then nothing will change. It might be a case of kicking her out now. I understand that's daunting but there comes a point where all of your help is just enabling her to continue.

I think you’d need to ask her to leave at this point. If at this point she’s not sorted her life out with you helping her, then she never will with you enabling her. Would she be likely to seek help for herself?

You should be able to self refer.

You would have to google the number for adult social services in your area.

Ask social services to do a care needs assessment, or if she has any other services involved, they refer her. You need to be clear that you can't do it anymore. Unfortunately, the cogs move slowly. You need her to be in supported housing. It's just too much for you now.

She can't stop drinking abruptly, she's at risk of seizures if she does.

This is an awful and untenable situation for you.

The problem with getting her sectioned will be about her having capacity to make her own choices, even if those choices are bad. It's my understanding that someone has to be a risk to others, or to their own life (suicide attempt), before sectioning will be considered.

Alternative there is rehab. Getting her into rehab is only doable if she is willing to engage. Then you have the problem of accessing rehab services. Private rehab is expensive. You'd have to ask your GP what NHS or charity services might be available. But again, she cannot be forced.

If she is drinking in your house, you could ban her from doing so and remove all alcohol. You could also visit all local places that sell alcohol and ask them not to serve her or sell to her.

Sadly, I had a lovely neighbour who was in the same situation. They too were in their 70s and dealing with an alcoholic daughter at home. They wasted thousands on private rehabs with no success and she ruined their lives. One evening she nearly burned the house down by leaving a pan on the stove.

You cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves.

Yes you can - but only if it is as a result of their mental health. You or your husband will be classed as the nearest relative, (whichever is the eldest), and you can request a mental health act assessment. This means she could be sectioned under the mental health act and be detained in hospital for assessment and treatment. But you need to be fully honest with the team that come out and tell them your concerns. Ask to speak to them separately in another room if you can’t be upfront and honest in front of your daughter.

Does she have mental health services involved? if You think her mental health has deteriorated and she is a risk to herself, you can request a mental health act assessment where she could be detained in hospital for treatment. Unless she voluntarily agrees to go. The other alternative is to contact her GP and ask for help, or look to see if there are any mental health crisis teams operating in your area that can provide support and treatment at home.

does she have a support network such as Social Workers or Nurses or a specialist? it is not fair on you both trying to cope with her at your age. I think you should contact the hospital who looks after her telling them she has got worse. you really need to look after yourself