Is he 'sensitive' or controlling?

He's not necessarily controlling because he wants to control you IYSWIM, it's just intolerable to him. But he hasn't explained this well to you or actually asked. I would guess he's autistic and used to being accommodated. But yeah it sounds too restrictive to live with. I'm sound sensitive, I will control the volume and type of music when I'm in a confined space with someone e.g. driving (obviously if I was a passenger I would ask politely). If it's playing in a room I would just go in another room. I'm OK with normal scents and I think it would find this hard to live with in another person, I'd probably be ok with the sound thing.

I was with someone like this for a while. It of course go worse over time. The tension in the house, no radio allowed, no washing machine allowed, no dishwasher allowed, no TV allowed. RUN

he sounds like hard work. From what you’ve written I would let him go

Perfume and podcasts are two little luxuries in my life. It would be a no from me.

I have a friend who developed an extreme smell sensitivity in adulthood. It’s quite disabling. Smells other people would barely register cause vomiting and violent headaches. He doesn’t go to the theatre or cinema or gigs, his workplace has a no-scent policy, I don’t wear perfume or scented deodorant if I know I’m going to see him, and he once spent several weeks sleeping on the floor of a house he was selling because something slightly wrong with the plumbing in the house he’d just bought meant he couldn’t stay in there for more than ten minutes without feeling very ill. Once when the condition was fairly new, his brother forgot and wore deodorant before picking him up for a two-hour drive to a big sports match. Even though the brother got out at the first lay-by and scrubbed his armpits with a bottle of water, my friend had to give up and make his own way home.

He says he knows someone who is so badly affected that she had to stop working as an interior designer and live by herself in a remote rural area where the terrain means there’s little farming activity. Hers eventually became far less extreme.

But none of that means you need to be in a relationship with Yoir guy. It’s not working for you.

Why wouldn’t she leave the podcast on?! She can do whatever she wants in her own home! The man is a tit

Probably a neurodivergent man with strong sensory sensitivities.
The podcast thing is really annoying though, why would you leave background noise like that when you're with someone?
I'd say he's probably controlling of his environment out of necessity, but lacking the social attunement to understand how it might affect others. He should have spoken to you in advance.
You're probably incompatible.

I understand that he has sensitivities but the way he deals with them is all wrong. It might be right for HIM in the moment, but he seems to have no consideration for how it might come across to anyone else. Asking you to change/not wear certain things, turning off your radio, adjusting your car - these are all things he can ASK to have changed, but he shouldn't just be wading in and making it all about him.

That would be my reason for binning him off. Not the sensitivities themselves, but the way he handles them and his lack of concern for other people.

So many pp on here have this but are aware so make adjustments. ND autism, they work around it and compromise.

This man is either totally unaware or not able/willing to adjust . He's been honest from the beginning so believe him @Finulasfriend .

Having sensitivities is one thing that potentially could be compromised on somehow. Turning off what you were listening to in your own home is totally another thing and just sooo rude. You just can't live that that and will have no life at all. What about when you are on holiday and happen to be at a pool with music on?! Or a million other scenarios. Just leave him and get back out there asap.

YANBU and it will only get worse as he reveals more 'sensitivities'. You are right to stick up for yourself but I wonder whether he's able to change. (An ex started off saying he'd eat everything -except raw tomatoes, go anywhere, loved adventure. Then he revealed he wasn't keen on mushrooms. Or lettuce. Or whisky. Then fish, runny cheese, fried eggs, olives... And holidays were a nightmare because everything was wrong - shower too weak or too strong, bed too short, TV too high, weather too sunny, plane too early, music too loud etc. Soon found out he ate the same things ALL THE TIME and really just wanted to stay at home. In his house.)

he's sensitive to noise and smells and he really needs someone who'll understand that and be happy to change her life to accommodate him

You shouldn't have to change your life to accommodate a man - not to this extent. The right partner for you is someone who fits into your life naturally, and vice versa.

This is just plain old incompatibility. It doesn't seem like he's lying about his sensitivities so I wouldn't call it controlling - I'm allergic to cats, and I couldn't live with a partner who had them, and that's not controlling! But it doesn't work for you. It wouldn't work for me either - particularly his sensitivity to noise.

It doesn't need to be a blame game and no one's at fault. You're not compatible; time to move on.

The perfume I could maybe forgive as some people drench themselves in scent (looking at you my daughter!) but asking you to change foundation and moisturiser? Nope!

He's basically asking you to mute two of your five senses to suit his needs. That'd be the end of the relationship for me.

That's not sensitive, it's extremely controlling. And rude!!

I'm like this with noise, too. My husband has been watching snooker. It's a quiet game, but it's the loud round of applause after good shots that tips me, and I can't stand the noise, even after asking him to turn it down. However, I wouldn't limit him to watching it later when I'm in bed or watching it on mute. I bought them cheap foam earplugs, and we're both happy.

You compromise, OP's partner is not doing this; he is dictating.

Relationships are about give and take. At the moment you’re giving and he’s taking. He’s not prepared to even try and put up with some things to accommodate your feelings but expecting you to change your whole life for his.

no thanks. Run for the hills OP. He will only get worse if you were to end up living together.

It's sensory issues (I have similar) but he's not going about it in the right way. He needs to explain and ask, not march in and change things for you. And further down the line, men tend to use their needs as a get out when kids etc come along, whereas I imagine women just have to crack on, like I did.

Understanding is not code for being treated badly, there is too many excuses for bad beaviour

Get the hell out of dodge. That type of behaviour would be a massive turn off for me & I wouldn’t the able to get past it

Run for the hills. This is his “best self”—the first impression, before he gets really comfortable with you.

No noises or smells, or anything not “his” way—he’ll be a great candidate for parenthood….

The person may have anxiety and need understanding. But OP is not obliged to give it at 5 months in. She wants a partner, not a project.

I have really bad Misophonia, it is awful. I get very anxious and upset at all sorts of noises (and sometimes smells, but not as bad). People eating, tapping, ticking clocks, any repetitive sounds really. It’s torture and the only way to stop my panic attack is to remove myself from the noise.

My husband is so so understanding - he doesn’t chew gum around me, we play background music whenever we are eating, if he’s having a snack he’ll eat it in another room. But I have never demanded he do those things, he does it because he is kind and he doesn’t want to cause anxiety in me.

There are many many times when my husband (or other family members) are tapping their fingers, have annoying beeping noises on their phone game, friends chew gum etc ……… it happens every day. But it is my problem. I have to suck it up sometimes and bear it, even though I hate it and it causes real feelings of fight or flight in me. I cannot control the people around me, I cannot make it other peoples problem, and if I want to be around people and have relationships…… then I have to suck it up.

I would run from this man. It’s not his fault that he has serious sensory issues. But it is his fault that he is utterly selfish and wants to control you and the environment so badly. I would guess his selfish and controlling nature will spill over into other areas of his life. He needs to compromise and be uncomfortable sometimes if he wants to be in a relationship. If he can’t, then he should just stay single.

He’s not unreasonable to have these sensitivities but should be considerate and good humoured and recognise they’re his problem and not yours.
He should go and find a nice Amish wife or one of those cults that eschew anything modern.

Does he have autism OP?
I say that because of the sensory issues but also the not being able to see that the way he’s taken action is a bit rude.

(I say that as someone who does have autism and has had to apologise for the actions I’ve taken in the past because in the moment I haven’t realised I’ve come across selfish/non empathetic, and then been mortified when I’ve taken a step back really thought about it and realised!)

Wear the perfume and ditch the bloke, he is only interested in himself and his wants. It's never going to improve, you deserve better.