Is he 'sensitive' or controlling?

It's a no from me as well, he sounds exhausting to be around. He's also showing you that he thinks his preferences always override yours, and that's not OK

This sounds really controlling from so early on! I am sensitive to sounds and smells and did mention it to my bf early on but would never dream of behaving so entitled (and I am pretty cheeky). I wouldn’t even do this now, years down the line. Some of these things are really rude and controlling. It is really odd behaviour. Run for the hills.

OP, I have noise sensitivity and it's awful. I tense up with certain noises. BUT not once have I asked anyone to change what they are doing to accommodate me. I know I have a problem and fight through it. I make an excuse and leave the room if I am uncomfortable with anything. No one except my therapist knows about my noise sensitivity, not even close family or partners and I want it to stay that way.

Your partner is controlling despite his sensitivities. He needs to try to get help not change you, otherwise you might end up falling into the same habits as him. He is incredibly hard work and not worth the effort if he is unwilling to get help or at least not control you.

He sounds an absolute nightmare, and I’d actually question whether he has sensitives at all. Seems to me as if it’s his way of very slowly seeing how much he can control you, and very slowly, bit by bit, he will erode your whole identity before you even have chance to process what’s happening. To be fair, when you said you had ‘’instant chemistry’’, that in itself made my eyes widen slightly. It’s often the case that instant chemistry is felt with love bombers and narcissists because they are charming and mirror people very easily. It’s all part of it. It should be a natural progression normally.

Edit to add: I know some people are sensitive to noise or smells, but I don’t believe he can’t make any compromise. I’ve never known a foundation or any make up to have a strong smell, especially after being worn for a period of time, ditto deodorants?? Perfumes, yes, I can understand, but even that smell weakens after a while. This is what’s making me think he’s making it up.

Does he ever complain about smells elsewhere eg in your house if you have any room sprays, candles or air fresheners? Or what about when you’re out, smells in shops etc? Is it just you that he complains about smelling strong? Something to think about. Notice his patterns.

As an autistic woman, my first thought was that he’s neurodivergent- and I see others thought similar.

Im not as sensitive as him but certain smells/strong smells are just way too much. They’re overpowering in a way that’s hard to describe. Ditto noise. Especially layers of noise.

I agree with others that I would have switched off my podcast when he arrived. It’s a bit rude to just carry on listening to it, regardless of his sensitivity to noise.

But he was very rude in just switching it off. Some ND people, particularly ND men, aren’t great at seeing beyond their own needs. I suspect the relationship would always have revolved around his preferences, with no compromises made.

Shame, but you’re right to walk away. He either needs to learn to consider others or else find someone who shares his preferences.

Jesus OP! No wonder you were ready to settle for this PITA since your bar is so low! So all it takes for a man to qualify as a potential Mr Right in your book is "Not a farter, a secret dope-head or a beer-mat collector." What men have you been dating so far? 🤣

Seriously, I get the whole being sensitive thing ; I'm very noice sensitive- but I would never ever walk in to someone's house and take over. I would gently ask if I could turn down the volume a little at the most. It's about RESPECT and he doesn't respect you. It's all about HIS needs and no consideration of yours. There is a good reason this man is single. Just think about having kids with this bloke. Kids are not silent and changing diapers is not smell proof. I hope he won't ever have any.

Smile! You dodged a bullet!

I didn’t see the other comments I thought i was the first to comment… wait maybe it was my seizure.. now I’m confused,, sorry

I’m not going to lie .. sound like he is cheating ,, my gut feeling. . I say it as I see it , I hope I’m wrong but your smells are yours and it’s. Ur scent , he should take a pill to control it , why should u have to change

He sounds like an exhausting prick.

You're doing the right thing breaking up with him Op, compromise means you both make changes or allowances not that one person gets all their own way.

I know it’s a cardinal sin to even suggest it but this absolutely screams neurodiversity to me.

As someone who’s ND and also had relationships with other ND people in the past, this isn’t going to get better so I’d get out now to be honest.

Hang on a minute.
7/10 in bed?

Kick him to the kerb for that alone.
You can do better.

Ah. Just what he wants. I’d say to be in a lasting relationship I need my preferences to matter too. You must understand this at least theoretically since your own condition seems to be only your own preferences matter, and this won’t work for me.

He might have a point about current TA storylines... but to just turn it off? He didn't even say, "would you mind if I turn it off?" Same with the car temperature- driver should get priority IMO, but either way, ask first.

It does sound like sensory issues, but he's not even asking or negotiating, and it's at the beginning when most people are trying to make a good impression - nah. It's just going to piss you off more and more.

He’s likely autistic, these are classic signs. He should learn how to communicate tho,

Taxi!

Get rid!

Fuck that. Put him back on the shelf

He may well have super sensitive hearing, sense of smell, struggle with being overwhelmed by these things...

But deciding his needs are the priority, everywhere, and yours come last is not the way to mitigate it.

He needs to find someone with matching issues, not demand you totally change things you're comfy with, prefer and enjoy to suit his needs!

Thank you for answering, I appreciate that. I agree that I too would personally walk away.

If you knew up front about his sensitivities, you wouldn't have given him day light. Run, run away.

That's not my particular sensitivity but with the right person and the right communication it's not an issue, so yes absolutely with my current husband it's something I would have been able to speak to him about at the beginning. I wouldn't have demanded it and if he didn't want to do it, well then it's my choice about what to do from there isn't it, not his problem. The point being I would ask politely with reasons or make a joke, and if they didn't want to and acted all 'well what about what I want' then I would make my own decision about whether to stay or go, and I'd know they weren't the one. If you can't talk to each other and make compromises, you're not in a relationship that's going to go on long term. In the scheme of things these sensitivities are no big deal compared to many other potential issues you could have with a partner. BUT this is more about is he being CONTROLLING and forcing his sensitivities on somebody or is there a big lack of communication about it all. They are quite extreme requests and quite honestly if it's an issue at this early stage then walk away!

I did also think he was ND, but he is extremely controlling, and you did well to get rid. Just on the “aren’t relationships give and take” - what is he giving? That’s right nothing, and that because he doesn’t acknowledge what you have done as being anything short of his entitlement.

I thought this too. Sensory issues.

It's hard really without knowing him.

Sounds like too much hard work to me and also that he's possibly a bit entitled about it. But on the other hand you say he's great in other ways, so maybe he just has genuine issues with this and is being up front and honest. I know a few people with allergies to cats etc and they just have to be honest from the get go.