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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really mad at my BF ?

64 replies

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:01

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship. At first we would call each other everyday and text multiple times a day. Where he lives, he doesn't have access to affordable internet so when we moved to calling only once every two days, I didn't mind at all.

About a month ago, he started going 2,3 days no contact. I tried to tell him I needed a little bit more communication but he dismissed my feelings.

Last Sunday we had a brief phone call after which he pocket called me and I heard a female voice (didn't understand what she said) then he hang up. I tried to call back right away but he didn't pick my call which made me feel like something suspicious was going on. I texted him that "I now get why he's been acting aloof lately".

The next day he called me, told me the pocket call happened when he was on his doorstep chatting with his neighbors (A guy and his girlfriend). He said I was nagging him and acting unreasonably because I couldn't be in a LDRS and not trust him. Then he said we would now make daily facetimes if that's what I need to feel comfortable.

It's been a week now and he didn't call, not once. He texts but no call.

He's supposed to visit me in June (already went through the visa process, booked his flights etc.)
So now here I am, literally boiling because his behavior really makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my feelings or my needs. I don't want to bring the subject up again because he'll say I'm pestering him.
I've decided to stay put so it's been 8 days of random texts or facebook video links.
AIBU ? Part of me thinks since his making the time and effort to come visit me for an entire month, I should overlook this call thing. Another part feels like it's not just about the call per say but about the nature of this RS. If I'm not important enough for him to take 30mn in an entire week to call me, what's the point of even coming all the way here ?

OP posts:
MonderMomen77 · 06/05/2025 20:31

Hope you find the strength and self belief to end this and look to a better future without this man.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 06/05/2025 20:15

Where has he living? Is he genuinely wanting a holiday to see /be with you. Or are you a 'means to an end' I.E. A billet and a visa to stay. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I've seen it happen. Be very careful with this guy!

SophieJo · 06/05/2025 19:31

He isn’t a boyfriend. You are wasting your life.

Maybethisallthereis · 06/05/2025 19:30

He’s just not that in to you.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 06/05/2025 19:23

Get rid of him
Block him
Learn self respect
Move on

nam3c4ang3 · 06/05/2025 19:22

I had a LDR for about 2 years ish - in a different continent, in different timezones - we spoke daily, emails, calls - and it was old school Skype dialup! Sorry but your BF doesnt sound interested at all. I would consider leaving this relationship. Oh lord - just seen your other thread - you've had this for YEARS?! you're wasting your time - dump him and move on!!!

GoldBeautifulHeart · 06/05/2025 19:18

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

He's just not that into you. Don't let him get a visa here and marry you. Sounds like you'll get dumped at first opportunity. Find someone nearer who cares about you properly.

FatLarrysBanned · 06/05/2025 19:15

If this is the same BF you've had these issues for years. Nothing is going to change. Accept this is the way he is or don't. You wrote practically the same post in 2022.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4667240-seriously-mad-at-my-bf-aibu?reply=121168477

Boreded · 06/05/2025 19:11

Are you sure you aren’t in a long distance affair?

Pessismistic · 06/05/2025 19:10

Maybe you’re not exclusive yet. I would be wary having sex with him tbh.

Olika · 06/05/2025 19:02

Just end it. You are not important to him. If you were he wouldn’t be treating you like this.

catlover123456789 · 06/05/2025 18:59

Terrribletwos · 06/05/2025 17:51

Is he from a country that would require a visa to enter the UK?

She said he's got his visa for the trip, but that doesn't mean much now we're out of the EU almost everyone needs a visa. I'm interested to know if he needs a visa to live here.

Lotsofsnacks · 06/05/2025 18:54

Can you tell us what country he’s from OP, and where did you meet? He’s not keeping the momentum going in this relationship, texts and Facebook links aren’t very loving and personal. Does he say he misses you and can’t wait to see you. I would be on the phone loads if my beloved partner was a long way away, just to talk and keep connected. So texting is quite informal, he should want to hear your voice regularly etc

HeronTwist · 06/05/2025 18:53

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

Is it possible he’s in it for the visa to your home country? That would explain the lack of interest in maintaining closeness, but still wants to come over to visit.

Daizen · 06/05/2025 18:46

OP, I mean this sincerely, my partner is currently deployed in a submarine and he makes more effort to chat as often as possible than your bf is. A man will show you before he tells you of how he feels. If he is making you question yourself or your relationship then it is one question too many and you deserve more than that.

Trust me, long distance is hard never mind having someone who doesn’t even have the decency to call you frequently to keep a connection going.

Horses7 · 06/05/2025 18:38

🚩 🚩🚩🚩

RickiRaccoon · 06/05/2025 18:35

Long distance relationships don't work in my experience except for very limited periods, sorry. I'd end it too.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 06/05/2025 18:26

Sigh.

whitewineandsun · 06/05/2025 18:24

OP, you should want more and better for yourself. Regardless of that woman.

nomas · 06/05/2025 18:23

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

Do not move for him. He can move of he wants to. Tell him to get his own place though.

WhitbyWoo · 06/05/2025 18:22

This isn’t a relationship.

MounjaroMounjaro · 06/05/2025 18:21

You don't need a year to decide on this. Just re-read your opening post and you'll see there's only one decision you can come to.

Gyozas · 06/05/2025 18:21

I think he is in an actual relationship with that woman, and that’s why he’s neglecting you. End it. It has no future, or even present, at all.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/05/2025 18:21

Where are you? Where is he?

Someone2025 · 06/05/2025 18:19

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:01

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship. At first we would call each other everyday and text multiple times a day. Where he lives, he doesn't have access to affordable internet so when we moved to calling only once every two days, I didn't mind at all.

About a month ago, he started going 2,3 days no contact. I tried to tell him I needed a little bit more communication but he dismissed my feelings.

Last Sunday we had a brief phone call after which he pocket called me and I heard a female voice (didn't understand what she said) then he hang up. I tried to call back right away but he didn't pick my call which made me feel like something suspicious was going on. I texted him that "I now get why he's been acting aloof lately".

The next day he called me, told me the pocket call happened when he was on his doorstep chatting with his neighbors (A guy and his girlfriend). He said I was nagging him and acting unreasonably because I couldn't be in a LDRS and not trust him. Then he said we would now make daily facetimes if that's what I need to feel comfortable.

It's been a week now and he didn't call, not once. He texts but no call.

He's supposed to visit me in June (already went through the visa process, booked his flights etc.)
So now here I am, literally boiling because his behavior really makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my feelings or my needs. I don't want to bring the subject up again because he'll say I'm pestering him.
I've decided to stay put so it's been 8 days of random texts or facebook video links.
AIBU ? Part of me thinks since his making the time and effort to come visit me for an entire month, I should overlook this call thing. Another part feels like it's not just about the call per say but about the nature of this RS. If I'm not important enough for him to take 30mn in an entire week to call me, what's the point of even coming all the way here ?

Oh come on, this has to be a wind up
If it isn’t a wind up please wise up, this guy is using you for a visa and has someone else back in his own country, I suppose you have been sending him money as well

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