New guy I’m seeing had a fling with someone much younger

My dad was two years older than my mum. He wasn’t the one who needed care.

Quite both my dad and his sister ended up.being carers ,for their spouses,my Dad for my mum. And his sister for her husband
In his sisters case there was a ten year age gap but they were married for 60 years and it was only in the last few years he needed care
My Dad was my mum ,s carer in the last few years too there was four weeks in age between them!
As you say it can happen to anyone

@TheRubyPoet I met my husband ( 7 yr gap) pre internet dating etc when you met in pubs / clubs / at parties . My first question was not how old are you , we were mutually attracted to one another and as it panned out he’s been the kindest , sweetest , most romantic and loving husband I could have wished for plus being a fabulous father . Nobody at that age is thinking that they may end up having to look after someone and rightly so because shit happens and can happen at any age - my own dad died aged 50 , but after 30/40 yrs of a very happy marriage , if something happened to my husband would I regret it if I have to look after him - no I won’t because 36 yrs in we are still very much a loving couple and happy to care for each other . I certainly dont think I was ‘duped’ and I certainly got the better end of the bargain in our marriage . Stop being so cynical , you may find you have a happier life .

The lack of awareness about power dynamics inherent in age gaps is staggering.
90% of age gaps are older man/younger woman so all this 'age is just a number' 'my father was 15 years older than my mother and they were happy' ignores the fact that statistically men do not date significantly older women but women are expected to think that older men offer advantages.
They don't. Women end up being young nurses and widows when they end up with older men.
Women who had flings in their teens and early 20s with older men typically regret it when they're older, realising they were duped by serial sleazeballs.

It's something we need to talk about.

Your just making that up in your head ,we can only go off what the Op tells us it's all hypothetical anyway.

He says it was a fling. What would she say? She may have thought it was a serious relationship.
its like when married men tell their mistresses that their wife doesn’t understand them and they never gave sex. We have no idea if this 20 year old also thought it was a fling.

I don’t think you ABU in the slightest to feel the way you do, I would feel the same. I guess it depend on whether you feel you can move forward knowing it

I also think people are forgetting it was just a fling it never became a relationship,who knows why that was maybe they both realised they were incompatible .

And for all those "He was doing X when she was doing Y", that's just trying to make it sound worse
She was an adult. At 20 she is well an adult. She was not at high school even if she was when he was graduating uni.

I think in the last few years people have taken the idea that there can be power imbalances in relationships due to age and ran with it to the point they think there is always a power imbalance due to that, and that's not always the case.

The same goes for all potential power imbalances. It being possible and worthy of consideration is a good thing, assuming it always applies is not.

How old were you when you met and got together?

'I guess it just indicates he was comfortable with that power imbalance. It seems a bit gross.' What makes you think there was an automatic power imbalance? Especially if it was a fling. I think this reads as you being insecure about her being a younger model.

I get so sick of people assuming this with age gaps. My DH is 17 years older. There has never been a problem.

I’d end the relationship OP.

@Disturbia81 Oh, dear a very very narrow minded and pittyful post, I met my husband when i was 19 and there is a 12-year age gap with us, Im now 56 and never been happier.

We have had a wonderful marriage and he has given me the most amazing life so far, I really pitty posts like these.

FYI I was the only person he ever dated that was younger than him, we met and clicked thats all there was too it.

There's so much insecurity on this website that it just leads to low level snipping or open abuse when it comes to women feeling insecure about other women.

So this un-named, unknown 19 year old has been referred to with some of the most derisory names on here, just because she dares to commit the mistake of being herself (namely, young).

These are the same people who boast competitively with each other on here about not wanting sex from their husbands anymore, "I'd rather have a good book and a glass of wine"..... yet get upset, hurt and confused when their partner leaves them for someone 25 years younger (again, both were threads on AIBU this month).

So yeah, I'm not surprised this poor unknown woman is being called derisory names. The insecurity on here is visible from space.

There is nothing remotely strange or perverted about a man in his early 30s being attracted to a woman in her early 20s. She is an adult. He met her at work. A 20-year-old woman doesn’t look or behave like a child.

We have interns temping at my organisation all the time and they’re usually aged between 19 and 22. They’re treated as, and behave like, any of the other junior level staff, whose ages range from 21 to 40ish, and everyone socialises with each other.

A ‘perversion’ is something that’s outside the realms of an adult being attracted to another adult. Bestiality would be a ‘perversion’. Most fetishes are technically ‘perversions’. An adult man fancying an adult woman is not, by any definition, perverted or abnormal. You can disapprove of it, if you wish, but that doesn’t mean it’s strange, perverted or wrong.

You started with the insults first so I just matched you. Anyway.. can’t be bothered arguing with perv apologists. 😂

Just let young adults be adults. Stop infantalising them.

The irony ...
When you have to resort to being insulting ,then you have lost any chance of being taken seriously yourself
And you have still not explained how it's perverted ,assuming you know what perverted means?

Nope I’m in my 40s. Maybe learn how to write your posts properly as it’s hard to take them seriously.

U don’t know that he knew her age when they met. Meeting in the workplace can be tricky to determine age. Then they may have developed a relationship before he found out, it clearly didn’t work as she was never a girlfriend.

The friends gf could be exaggerating the age difference. Maybe she doesn’t like u or the attention u are getting. Maybe she fancies you bf.

This is a conversation to have with him, that would be the mature thing to do. Listen to what he says and then think it over if it still makes you uncomfortable then it’s not meant to be.

I think you should do him a favour and dump him @Sroia. It won’t take him long to find someone a bit less judgemental.

you will always wonder how many other girls he's been with
@TheRubyPoet other girls? He hasn’t been with any girls, has he? He had a fling with a younger woman.

Yes the foetus thing was beyond weird.

I really think the OP should dump him before he ends up dumping her anyway.

She obviously can't get over this previous very short relationship and so she's bolstering the way she feels, by adding ridiculous hyperbole.

Daft and unnecessary.

I don’t think you understand the meaning of perversion.