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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pay rise or WFH

95 replies

ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 21:16

I have an offer of a new role with a great pay rise. Situation as follows:

Option 1 - stay in current role on a salary of 90k, amazing flexibility, 3 kids from ages 4-11 all will be in school by sept, lower childcare costs with all in school by September and flexible role where I can collect from school 1 day a week and by 4.45pm at childcare on other days. I am under a lot of pressure in current role to deliver unrealistic demands on occasion. However, I know the role very well and can do it with my eyes closed. 2 days commute 35 mins each way, 3 days wfh.

Option 2 - new job, limited flexibility, 5 days commute 15 mins each way, 120k salary, no flexibility to wfh and it will be possible - 1 / 2 day wfh in approx 9 months.

AIBU to go to new role where I cannot drop my kids any days to school, they will be dropped by child-minder, currently I drop every day to school due to flexibility and they are collected by a childminder 3 / 4 days per wk. In new role they will be at childcare before and after school 5 days a week to approx 5.30pm. My DH has no flexibility to do and is gone each day to work from approx 6.45 to 5.30. Is it just better to stay on less salary with great flexibility. I have a very good pension pot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 22:47

@Landoftherisingsun yes onboarding rule, you are right it is unusual at that level to have limited flexibility. I applied for role as it is really interesting, I would not of applied if I had known no option to wfh, but now that I have to offer with extra money it’s hard to not consider!

OP posts:
SanctusInDistress · 05/05/2025 22:46

What kind of work do you do?

Sjhegsb · 05/05/2025 22:46

You do know that tax free child care can be used for wraparound at school age. If either parent earns over 100k you will also lose that benefit as well.

MsCactus · 05/05/2025 22:46

Personally I'm in a 90k a year flexible job and have decided to try and stay put until my kids are older, purely for the flexibility and good culture. So id choose option 1

IwasDueANameChange · 05/05/2025 22:45

You won't see the extra 1k. It will be annihilated in tax, pension contributions & extra childcare costs.

IwasDueANameChange · 05/05/2025 22:44

Option 1, every time

Original poster
ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 22:43

@MadeleineAllbright over £1k a month is a significant amount over time if managed correctly, it could could mean saving it for an early retirement, saving it to help kids on property ladder, paying mortgage off really early. But the guilt of not being there for kids as much is holding me back.

I was raised in a low income family in a council estate, the long term benefits of having an extra £1k per month could be amazing.

OP posts:
Bananafofana · 05/05/2025 22:43

Also bear in mind additional rate tax kicks in at £125k - it’s 45% so with NI you end up paying 50% tax. So if you’re looking for annual pay rises in future even small ones or bonuses will have you hitting this very quickly. Absolute pain in the arse. Go for option 1 with 3 kids in the mix.

Landoftherisingsun · 05/05/2025 22:42

Option 2 -, you wouldn’t have applied it you didn’t want to leave. Is it an on onboarding rule of no WFH - for a set period of time? It seems really unusual for there to be no flexibility at that seniority

Genevieva · 05/05/2025 22:40

ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 21:37

@Stickortwigs option 2 is definitely more interesting role with good potential, it’s just to give up all that flexibility with kids is hard.

This is important. Plus 15 minutes is better than 35 for the commute.

Shelby2010 · 05/05/2025 22:40

I think if your youngest child is only just starting school in September then the flexibility for school shows, and class open morning type events will be invaluable.

Also you eldest child will be starting secondary, so too old for childcare but too young to be at home on their own every day after school. Also too young to be home alone for their inset days which will be different from the primary school. I know plenty of kids do have to do this, but I wouldn’t want it if I had the choice.

So my choice would be option 1 at this time.

HonoraBridge · 05/05/2025 22:40

After tax, it doesn’t sound as if the pay increase in the new job would be worth it.

AliBaliBee1234 · 05/05/2025 22:39

with 3 school age kids and the fact you do have a good salary at the moment, I wouldn't give up a flexible job for a pretty unflexible one.

Birdsongsinging · 05/05/2025 22:37

This is one of these examples of where women are disadvantaged with the expectation that they are responsible if children are unwell, cost of childcare etc. I think you should do what is best for you - if you love your job and want to progress take it and see how it goes. If you’re not that fussy about career progression and it’s only got the money then stay put! Good luck!

SalfordQuays · 05/05/2025 22:34

Option 1. Your kids won’t be young for long. Blink and they’ll be teenagers and all those school picks, sports days, nativities etc will be over. And you’ll have missed them.

Peacepleaselouise · 05/05/2025 22:33

I work FT, drop my children at school every day and have childcare 3 after schools and do 2 school pick ups. I have flexibility to see my child’s plays etc, Personally I wouldn’t trade flexibility for anything. Time with my kids is priceless.

Mumontherunn · 05/05/2025 22:33

Definitely stick! Think about the easier life and more time with your kids. You’ll lose a lot of the increase in tax anyway

Wowwee1234 · 05/05/2025 22:32

It's up to you.

If it were me, I'd stick with the flexible one a year or two more then go for the payrise. But, I would also see if existing employer would be able to offer something more interesting and challenging, knowing you have an active offer elsewhere!

Someone2025 · 05/05/2025 22:32

ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 21:16

I have an offer of a new role with a great pay rise. Situation as follows:

Option 1 - stay in current role on a salary of 90k, amazing flexibility, 3 kids from ages 4-11 all will be in school by sept, lower childcare costs with all in school by September and flexible role where I can collect from school 1 day a week and by 4.45pm at childcare on other days. I am under a lot of pressure in current role to deliver unrealistic demands on occasion. However, I know the role very well and can do it with my eyes closed. 2 days commute 35 mins each way, 3 days wfh.

Option 2 - new job, limited flexibility, 5 days commute 15 mins each way, 120k salary, no flexibility to wfh and it will be possible - 1 / 2 day wfh in approx 9 months.

AIBU to go to new role where I cannot drop my kids any days to school, they will be dropped by child-minder, currently I drop every day to school due to flexibility and they are collected by a childminder 3 / 4 days per wk. In new role they will be at childcare before and after school 5 days a week to approx 5.30pm. My DH has no flexibility to do and is gone each day to work from approx 6.45 to 5.30. Is it just better to stay on less salary with great flexibility. I have a very good pension pot.

If you can afford to stay on the lower wage then I would I think for a while, the money is still quite good

Although my question would be why were you doing interviews in the first place, is there something about your current role that you are unhappy with?

MaybeItsTimeForMeNow · 05/05/2025 22:30

Option 1!!

Comingtosunset · 05/05/2025 22:28

After tax it’s about a £13k difference
(over £100k you lose your tax free allowance)

Is the stress worth £13k?

Original poster
ItWasCalledYellow · 05/05/2025 22:26

@DottyDandy 15 mins is the dream commute! It’s just means less flexibility and it’s invaluable to be able to collect kids even 1 day at school and it has been a great way to meet other parents.

Sick kids may be okay once in a while, holidays I’m not sure if I could get what O want, when I want, thats the thing on current role I can get whatever holidays I want.

OP posts:
MadeleineAllbright · 05/05/2025 22:26

As I’m sure you know, that additional £30k will be taxed at 45%, so your monthly earnings will only increase by £1375 (and of course, the cost of commuting & any extra childcare will come out of that too). Will that make enough of a difference to your household finances to justify the loss of flexibility?

Klozza · 05/05/2025 22:24

Personally as I have two young kids under 5 I’d always choose WFH, especially at 90k. I can’t stand being in the office. My most recent job was hybrid, originally 3 days at home, 2 in office (office is an hour drive away), they changed it recently to at least 3 in the office, so I’m now looking for something else and I’m willing to drop the pay by 20k if it’s 3 or more days working from home. As others have said you’ll lose a lot in tax and travel anyway.

FrangipaniBlue · 05/05/2025 22:19

Option 2 and negotiate a 4 day week - salary £96k so still an increase, no 60% effective tax and you get an extra day per week off.

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