To expect my 4 yo to walk next to me in public?

I got them to start being helpful at this age. So sent them off on little errands in the supermarket (get the milk, yoghurts, help bag the apples etc) and made them responsible for looking at different prices etc when they were a little older. They’d help me put things on the conveyor belt etc. They’d be allowed a treat if they’d behaved.

When I failed to be strict enough it went to shit. For about a period of 2 weeks I could find a corner anywhere and they’d stand in it for 30 seconds or whatever. Honestly I never had an issue afterwards.

I live in France and parents here are incredibly strict about behavior in public. The only time I’ve ever seen a child that ran off he was thoroughly punished. He’d never have done it again.

I would expect a four year old to be able to walk holding hands or just in front/behind.

Was she late to leave the buggy? Is she a relatively new walker?

Well of course you have to deal with it !! You need to teach her! She doesn’t ‘just know it’. Put the effort in and she’ll give it back

She’s 4. Yes it’s that odd that a 4 year old wants to explore and not just dutifully walk by her mother’s side.

She is 4.

Mine had two choices

1. Hold my hand
2. Walk next to me

One preferred hand holding, the other two preferred walking next to me.

But if they played up or ran off, it was hand hold or big consequence.

Their choice.

Perfectly normal, get some reins. My 7 year old DS still has backpack reins in certain occasions (airports, busy shopping centres) as he is so easily distracted and far too friendly. At 4 he was like moth just bouncing towards anything shiny! He’s slightly better now, just not if it’s silly busy or there are long queues.

You have described my DS (he is 22 now) and it drove me insane.

Reins and bribery and consequences was my default. I would reward him with a couple of haribo if he walked nicely. If he was too troublesome then we just came home and if that meant we didn't do something he wanted to (park on the way home) then tough. If mummy didn't get to do what she wanted to do, then neither could DS.

She’s not 4, she’s 3. For another few weeks yet. Big difference between a child who’s still 3 and a child who is almost 5 in terms of ability to meet parental expectations to walk ‘nicely’!

And yeah… they get there in the end, even ones like mine. I didn’t find reins particularly useful, although have no objection to them as long as children aren’t being dragged around with them. We never really used a pushchair/pram as she was very clingy with me (she’s autistic) and happier being carried. So that was always the consequence for walking in a dangerous fashion; I had a large backpack-type carrier that we used until around the time she turned six and that I found it easy enough to carry her in. If she wasn’t walking safely, she went up on my back to keep her safe. She might kick up a bit of a fuss, but she wasn’t going to be able to get out of the sling and she generally liked being up high and snuggling in anyway.

I can confirm that, at the age of 14.5, she is very capable of walking nicely next to me and not running into roads etc. No ‘threats’ of being put in a sling required. 🙂

And as others have suggested, FFS don’t try to take a 3-year-old on supermarket shopping trips etc if you don’t REALLY have to. Online supermarket deliveries are a godsend!

My reaction would be behave or go on reins then follow through with it. You can't risk your child's safety

Oh @JHound do stop it. Does that mean we can let her do whatever she wants. Regardless of safety? Because she's 4. How is repeating that comment even remotely helpful?

It isn’t ridiculous to point out reins aren’t designed for children aged four and older!

I also have a 4 year old who does this. I don’t take her anywhere where it’s going to be an issue, and keep showing her how to walk next to me nicely. One day it’ll happen.

Don’t be ridiculous @onlyandoverbetter a child on reins than some of the alternatives. @JustSoFrustratedi always carried reins but mostly the threat of having to have them on was enough to stop them running off. I put them on my oldest twice. He soon got the message.

My child is like this, impossible to do anything.
He just to loves to go off chatting to everyone!

My sister’s son stays by her side, sits in cafes.
She thinks I “can’t control” DS. So it’s my fault.

Mine would’ve held my hand or got a stern eye-level teachery explanation of exactly why she should be holding my hand and not running off. Why don’t people do this any more?

I have honestly never seen a four year old with reins and if I did I would assume special needs. I know I’ll get flamed for that but I don’t think they are for children over the age of about two!

She’s 4.

My eldest did most of the time, youngest was a nightmare. There’s a lot of variation in 4 year old behaviour and it is a lot to expect them to walk nicely all the time, especially when they’re somewhere boring like a shop or somewhere exciting with lots of things to touch and see!
The main issue is safety, how about concentrating on walking holding your hand when you’re near a road but when it’s somewhere safer give them some freedom? If you really can’t trust them not to run off backpack reins are great and 4 is not too old to wear them.

Just put backpack reins on her. Or in a buggy so you can shop in peace.

So shouldn't be running around in streets or busy places, as it's not safe.

She’s 4.

I think the advice on using a backpack with built in reins, or setting clear expectations and leaving if not met are good advice. It's not safe for a 4 year old to running about in lots of places - traffic, knocking into people etc.

It might be a normal impulse but can be dangerous, so needs to be managed and corrected.

Both mine were bolters (my 3yo still is occasionally!) You need to work on training her not to run away. We practised loads in (safe) fields and then in shops, lots of praise for walking nicely, put on reins if they run away. Car parks and roads they have to hold my hand, if they try to escape its an iron grip and ignore the tears. My 5yo is great at staying with me, or can be trusted to run ahead but stay in sight and come back if asked. I'm jealous of the people who it looks effortless for, but I also know people who never bothered, we know one 5yo who's terrifying as he'll just run off across a car park, round corners on busy streets etc. We try to only meet them indoors now.