Worried I’m about to move in with a cocklodger

After reading your updates, I'm revising my initial response.. run. This is a man who's lived with his parents to moving in with a girlfriend and then back to his parents! At no point has he lived by himself or had to fend for himself. I can guarantee his ex broke up with him, and asked him to leave. No, you don't know 'what he's like', because he stays twice a week. You will only know what he's like once you start living with him full-time. Living with you to start, actually sounds like a better plan, you can ask him to leave if it doesn't work out. He's trying to push you into buying a property, when you've never lived together. That's a red flag. Is it because without your income he'll never be able to get on the property ladder? and also if you have a joint mortgage and are both on the Deeds, you can't ask him to leave!! The property would be just as much his, as it would be yours. You'd be stuck with him. Continue dating if you want but don't buy a property with him.

OMG he sounds vile and grim. Like a prehistoric animal. Or someone living in the dark ages. Still living with mommy and daddy, and moving in with you, no WAY is he going to be sharing the housework/chores! And all the talk about sex/anal. Grim. 😖 RUN @Holly9

Also, as an aside, how come this poll is closed when the thread was only opened 4 hours ago?

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ewwww! That would kill anything for me & I’d bin him! 🤮

OK that is the line crossed there...vile!

Tell him his reward is that he gets to live with a woman out of his league and that anything else he has in mind he’d have to clean the whole house for a year and only then you’d think about it…

Or, you could just give Pervy Pete his marching orders. Thats what I’d do, CF!

Urgh, he’s gross. At £12.21 minimum wage for a cleaner he can probably afford to pay a sex worker every few months.

At the rate that you are no doubt doing the housework and making up his slack, he could buy you a designer bag every few months.

Or….you just don’t. Don’t start off on the wrong foot, doing everything for a pathetic mummy’s boy. It’s a hiding to nowhere, trust me.

The mere thought of rimming someone who is basically a walking arsehole makes me want to be sick.

Even if he has done the washing up.

You can do so much better.

I would force him to move in with you. When me and DH bought a house, we were practically living together at each others houses anyway. 2 nights a week and he does the drying up. You have no true idea what it’ll be like to live with him.

Do NOT buy with him.

If you really think that this can be worked though - and I'd be very sceptical of that, he's on "best behaviour" at the moment to prove his worth and I'd lay good money that it stops within months of moving in together - then rent. Bugger any rise in house prices, it will be far more expensive in the long run if you have to distress-sell a house/buy him out in order to get shot of him.

I would also be VERY wary of being financially tied to someone you have such misgivings of, both because you don't know how he'll behave financially and because it's so very much harder to leave (which is what I suspect he wants). At least if you rent and he turns out to be the cocklodger he would appear to be, you just have to sit out the minimum period then give notice and walk away.

Nooooooooooo........run away!!!!

Brilliantly said!!

You need to trial living together before making the commitment to buy. I'd reconsider the relationship entirely though, as this has so many red flags. I think he was trying to give you a heads up to set expectations, luckily your guy instincts kicked in!

No chance I would make a financial commitment with him that will be a nightmare to get out of. How bizarre that he expects to be rewarded for doing his share of the work. Red flags ahoy.

He wants you to lick his arsehole for tidying up?

well done, grimmest thing I’ve heard on Mumsnet

DUMP HIM

Why in the name of fuck would you be looking to buy a house with someone you know so little? Stop. Don't buy a house with them. I don't know whether they aer a good person to buy a house with, that isn't really the point, the point is you don't either!

Absolutely do not move in with him.
You can’t know what it’s like living with someone based on holidays and 2 nights a week staying over, I’d be suggesting a 6 month trial of him staying with you and go from there.

So today, in terms of tasks, DP dealt with the cat shit as needed, put the bins out,hung out the washing and did the washing up. 0h and went to the shop for bits we'd forgotten in the online shop.

I stripped and made the bed, put the laundry on, cooked dinner and fully bleached and changed the cat tray.

As we are adults sharing a home. Nobody required a sexual reward for any of it.

this would indicate he’s lazy and disrespectful, not a cocklodger, unless he was planning on living off you financially too

He’d rather stay with his parents than try living with you whilst you house hunt together to buy??? 🚩 🚩 🚩

lol - he’s really not wanting you to see what he’s like!!

Will he be expecting you to suck his dick WHILE he washes up his cup or do you think he'll be willing to wait till afterwards?

Will he expect anal if he picks the Dyson up?

Sorry to be coarse but you need to take notice of the expectation he just revealed in front of you.

Be aware also that if you challenge him on it, he will say he was only joking. He wasn't.

It's easier to be alone and do everything yourself than having a man who makes you look after him and clean his mess too.

Sorry but that is seriously depressing. He needs a ‘reward’ to do basic tasks in the home? Really grim. I think you can do better.

🤢🤮

There's never going to be a right time. Raise your bar and chuck this revolting specimen. You can do better.

@Holly9

I was replying to @SpringGreenOnion They raised a doubt, for me, that, surely, no man could be so crass, 'cos it just seems so unbelievable that he could possibly think that way.

Anyway, I'm glad you're having a wee re-think.

Stay smart and good luck lovely.🌼

There is no right time for this man, he sounds disgusting.