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Original poster

Worried I’m about to move in with a cocklodger

278 replies

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 18:12

DP and I are currently house hunting. We’ve had a few conversations around chores etc and some of the stuff he came out with last night has really worried me. For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Is it wrong or me to reconsider…

OP posts:
Letstrythatagaineh · 06/05/2025 22:39

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 18:37

Buy

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Oh good grief

GG1986 · 06/05/2025 21:32

I moved in with my ex after about a year and he literally expected me to do his ironing, make his sandwiches for work, drop him off and pick him up from the pub every week, cook, clean etc, even though I was also working full time and had never lived away from home, because that's what his ex was like. Relationship lasted another year or so and I dumped him, he was a massive red flag, but I was so young I couldn't see it at the time. Think things through as it will be very hard to change a man that already thinks this way.

Lollipop81 · 06/05/2025 19:50

Eugh!! Thanks for clarifying, going off the subject slightly what is it with rimming. Porn has got a lot to answer for couldn’t think of anything more disgusting not to mention the diseases you could catch 🤮 anyway back to the subject 😅 is he being serious. If so it doesn’t sound good. I would definitely trial living with him before you make the commitment of buying.

laraitopbanana · 06/05/2025 19:36

Gosh he litterally IS telling you…

listen!

Laura95167 · 06/05/2025 19:07

Is he "rewarding" you for the chores you do too?

Laura95167 · 06/05/2025 19:06

OneStepOneStumble · 05/05/2025 18:13

Red flags are waving there 🚩🚩🚩

Funny. And not wrong

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 06/05/2025 18:56

Gently op you don't know him well enough to be entering into a financial commitment with him. Either buy the house yourself or rent with him and see what he's really like. Have a long chat with him about expectations first though and make it clear you need a man not a boy.

Pelsall116 · 06/05/2025 18:23

Run for the hills

Tonkie18 · 06/05/2025 18:11

You’re going to have a very exhausting life ahead. It’s a red flag, you’ve been warned and you know what you’re up against. Personally I would walk away. Not all men have that attitude and it just shows how misogynistic and immature he is. Do you really want to be stuck in a mortgage with him or fall pregnant with that??

Justchillinhere · 06/05/2025 14:57

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 21:20

Thank you, reading the replies has given me a bit of a reality check and backed up my gut feeling that it’s not the right time at all

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It will never be the right time, he would be your first baby, then he'd expect you to do everything still plus more if you had children. Id put him back in the reject bin 🤢

Codlingmoths · 06/05/2025 09:59

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/05/2025 08:35

Fuck that shit. Why do women have such low standards. There ain’t no way in hell I would lick a man’s arsehole. And there is nothing else I would do in exchange for housework they should be doing anyway.

throw this one back.

The reward for doing your own house’s housework is that the housework is done… and if you share the house it’s that your relationship is supported by you contributing. There are no other rewards and if you need them you don’t get to live with me.

Deckings · 06/05/2025 09:10

LaurieFairyCake · 05/05/2025 21:55

He wants you to lick his arsehole for tidying up?

well done, grimmest thing I’ve heard on Mumsnet Flowers

DUMP HIM

Agree.

Imagine being of such a low class that you would say this to any women?

He hasn't an ounce of respect for himself or the OP.

Only absolute desperation would continue to see such scum as an option.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/05/2025 08:35

Fuck that shit. Why do women have such low standards. There ain’t no way in hell I would lick a man’s arsehole. And there is nothing else I would do in exchange for housework they should be doing anyway.

throw this one back.

ClairDeLaLune · 06/05/2025 08:30

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 20:57

He said there was a time he got a rimjob (apologies for those who have recently had dinner) 😷

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Oh poor sweet OP. He has zero respect for women. He thinks they exist to clean up after him and lick his bum hole. I wonder why he and his ex really broke up….

Run OP. The hills are that way ➡️

Talulahalula · 06/05/2025 07:28

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 21:20

Thank you, reading the replies has given me a bit of a reality check and backed up my gut feeling that it’s not the right time at all

Show quote history

Or the right man.

Lurker85 · 06/05/2025 07:20

So basically he thinks housework is a woman’s job and if he helps her occasionally then he expects sexual favours in return for his selfless generosity? Run for the hills

LemonLeaves · 06/05/2025 07:17

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 20:57

He said there was a time he got a rimjob (apologies for those who have recently had dinner) 😷

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Eh? So he's quite happy to tell you he's been rimmed in exchange for doing a bit of hoovering. But he feels too awkward to cook in your kitchen?

Glad that you have decided to slow things down. You need a really honest conversation with him - TBH he sounds extremely juvenile and lazy if he thinks that housework is something he should only do in return for sex.

whynotmereally · 06/05/2025 06:41

You are right to be concerned. I think I’d back track a bit and he move in with you for 6 months as a trial. I’d also be clear jobs are shared. The concern is he thought this was acceptable behaviour there’s a risk even if he pulls his weight initially that he could end up being lazy.

healthybychristmas · 06/05/2025 06:24

He told you that his previous girlfriend gave him a rim job because he did a bit of housework? I've heard it all now. If this is true get the hell away from this man.

WhiteWashingSunnyDay · 06/05/2025 05:52

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 21:20

Thank you, reading the replies has given me a bit of a reality check and backed up my gut feeling that it’s not the right time at all

Show quote history

It’s not the right man, not the right time.

My prediction is that he will promise the world. But his attitude to housework is utterly
misogynistic. I’d need some pretty clear evidence this isn’t true.

Read Eve Rodesky ‘Fair Play’ and agree your ‘cards’ before you move in and before you have kids if you do stay with him.

’rim job’ for house work. Eurgh.

TiredCatLady · 06/05/2025 02:42

🚩 🚩 🚩- a whole field of them.

It was him who suggested buying rather than renting, right? And lives with mummy at the moment?

Throw this one back…

Inthetyreshop · 06/05/2025 01:00

Fking yuk

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/05/2025 00:37

Don't buy with him without living together and doing relationship therapy first

Littlemisscapable · 06/05/2025 00:36

No. Just no.

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 06/05/2025 00:30

TheFunSponge · 05/05/2025 18:23

I've just brought up a bit of sick...

And a whole lotta ick.