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Original poster

To have made a Sarah’s Law request? **Trigger warning: contains discussion of child abuse and other content that some may find disturbing**

179 replies

nyki · 05/05/2025 18:09

More of an “have I overreacted” more than a “have I been unreasonable”.

Someone has made some strange remarks around my child. I’m not in a relationship with this person before anyone jumps on me, and they don’t have any access to my child anymore.

Remarks have been talking about rape, talking about my child’s “itty bitty cl*torous”, her “boobs” (she doesn’t have any, she’s a toddler). Bouncing her up and down “she likes that, like her mum” with a sexual overtone. There have been others similar, remarking on body/private parts in a sexual way. Family member hence why they were present at times when child being changed etc for context.

This person has already been confronted and would say that I can’t take a joke, my child doesn’t understand and thinks it’s funny basically. Hence why they aren’t around my child anymore.

So I’ve done a Sarah’s law application on advice of NSPCC. I’ve never been in this position before. It’s it an overreaction? With the type of job this person is in, I really doubt they have any offences against children, so I think it will come back with nothing.

OP posts:
TY78910 · 05/05/2025 21:08

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What a shitty reply. Have you ever second guessed yourself? Especially when those around you try to make you seem like you’re overreacting?

JMSA · 05/05/2025 21:07

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Give her a bloody break.

NeatJoker · 05/05/2025 21:05

Sofiewoo · 05/05/2025 21:01

I can’t believe you’ve even been around someone to have them say all these comments to you. As a decent mother you should have had nothing to do with them immediately and kept your DD away from them.

In your rush to post a judgey comment, did you miss the part where she said he isn’t allowed near her child anymore? Or where she has contacted the NSPCC and police? Sound like a decent mother to me seeking a bit of emotional support from mumsnet.

Sofiewoo · 05/05/2025 21:01

I can’t believe you’ve even been around someone to have them say all these comments to you. As a decent mother you should have had nothing to do with them immediately and kept your DD away from them.

LucyEleanorModeratz · 05/05/2025 21:01

Please do let not this disgusting man have access to your daughter, OP. They really do hide in plain sight.

londongirl12 · 05/05/2025 20:59

You’ve done the right thing. I would go and speak to the police too.

and whoever told you he’s just immature, it was a bad joke etc, I’d be cutting them out my life too. No normal person makes jokes like that whatsoever. I can’t believe anyone would think it’s ok.

JANEY205 · 05/05/2025 20:59

I have no idea why anyone wouldn’t be taking this seriously and be as horrified OP. Who the hell was justifying it for him? It’s not a sign of immaturity. I can’t think of any young males that would make such disgusting comments about a baby. A baby ffs! And as for saying it to get your attention?! WHAT?! There are no excuses, NONE.

NeatJoker · 05/05/2025 20:57

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That was rude. She has sought professional advice and contacted police.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 05/05/2025 20:53

I’ve been on Mumsnet for many years and read some truly awful things but this made me feel sick.

Don’t doubt yourself, you have done the right thing. Do everything you can to keep him away from your daughter.

SansaStark90 · 05/05/2025 20:53

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EveryOtherNameTaken · 05/05/2025 20:52

This is way beyond dark humour. It's seriously concerning let alone inappropriate.

It's sick and I'm sorry OP.

Original poster
nyki · 05/05/2025 20:49

Smokesandeats · 05/05/2025 20:44

I’m really hoping that this isn’t real, as it’s horrifying to think there’s a parent out there who made those comments about a toddler.

I’m really sorry but it is real.
I am trying not to think worst case scenario, which is that he could harm my child/has harmed a child or is that way inclined.
But even the best case scenario is horrible to me, which is that he’s hugely inappropriate, doesn’t understand boundaries and could potentially sexualise/damage my daughter as a girl/woman.

OP posts:
Americano75 · 05/05/2025 20:48

My God, that's turned my stomach. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
nyki · 05/05/2025 20:46

Glitchymn1 · 05/05/2025 20:43

Can you record these instances? Would it hold up?

It’s disgusting, I cannot imagine being around anyone that made these comments full stop, let alone a child. It’s not a ‘joke’. It’s not ok at all. I don't think it’s a leap if that’s the way his brain works. He’s a sick individual.

I haven’t recorded them, and I don’t have any contact with him and not planning on. The only “evidence” I have is text messages where I’ve disclosed to several people at the time they’ve happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
nyki · 05/05/2025 20:45

I’m really sorry if I’ve upset anyone. The reason I ask is because the reactions I’ve had from family and friends that I’ve asked have varied. As I said some horrified, some saying he’s just immature and doesn’t know how to act around children, some said he was probably saying it for my benefit etc (as in making sexual type comments to try and get my attention).
This happened when as I said, he’s mostly been absent, but I gave him the opportunity to try and build a relationship and was trying to show him how to look after her. Over several visits these are the type of comments made.

OP posts:
Smokesandeats · 05/05/2025 20:44

I’m really hoping that this isn’t real, as it’s horrifying to think there’s a parent out there who made those comments about a toddler.

Glitchymn1 · 05/05/2025 20:43

Can you record these instances? Would it hold up?

It’s disgusting, I cannot imagine being around anyone that made these comments full stop, let alone a child. It’s not a ‘joke’. It’s not ok at all. I don't think it’s a leap if that’s the way his brain works. He’s a sick individual.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 05/05/2025 20:43

Sorry just to add, if you have any other concerns about his behaviour that could be warning signs you should share them with children’s services. It’s important you give them all the information you can to enable any assessment they may complete. This list is a good starting point to get you thinking.

To have made a Sarah’s Law request? **Trigger warning: contains discussion of child abuse and other content that some may find disturbing**
To have made a Sarah’s Law request? **Trigger warning: contains discussion of child abuse and other content that some may find disturbing**
alimac12 · 05/05/2025 20:41

nyki · 05/05/2025 19:46

I was trying to be vague but yes, it’s the other parent. I’ve not been in a relationship with this person since I was pregnant, and they’ve mostly been absent. I have entirely stopped contact since.

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Omg OP I’m so sorry! You must be really worried. The comments are disturbing and I wouldn’t be at peace knowing he can be around my child. Is he in the birth certificate? Does he have any parental right?

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 05/05/2025 20:39

They are some very disturbing comments to be making. That is 100% not a normal way to think about a baby or child. I hope you manage to keep him far away from her.

hotpotlover · 05/05/2025 20:38

I think I would have punched him hard if he made these comments in front of my daughters.

But see it this way: He's shown you who he is. At least you're now aware that he's a risk.

NotARealWookiie · 05/05/2025 20:35

Those comments made me feel sick

Yellowdaffodilss · 05/05/2025 20:32

Not an over reaction at all! I know some people with very dark humour that has shocked me at times but there is a line and that is way past that line!

You are right to be cautious. Even if the check comes back clean , all that means is they have never been caught for something .

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 20:32

EnjoythemoneyJane · 05/05/2025 20:16

It’s not a leap to assume that was what was on his mind, whether a replay of past events or anticipation of future ones. The phrases he used are sickeningly direct leakage of his sexual fantasies and intentions regarding small children. At the very least, the fact he’s so open about saying such shockingly bizarre and socially unacceptable things suggests he’s spending a lot of time in online environments where this is totally normalised.

This is one of the darkest things I’ve read on here, OP. Do anything and everything you need to do to prevent him ever having unsupervised parental access to your little girl.

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I agree with everything you’ve said. I not agree he has 100% raped a child. Fortunately the majority never act on their thoughts.

Sarahs law is a good starting point but it only encompasses those who act on the thoughts and get convicted for doing so.

TY78910 · 05/05/2025 20:31

I know a few posters have suggested report to police. For anyone that knows - does making the request go down on that persons file? Eg if they have a chat with OP about why she’s making the request and they see it as robust grounds and carry out the check, does that get noted?

edited to clarify: noted on the guys police file

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