Not to have gone to DSDs tournament?

YANBU. Far too long a day for a 5 year old. Your DSD already had 3 adults supporting her! You don’t have to attend every single event as a step parent.

Sounds like he found out last minute that her mom’s husband was going so then asked you as he thought it would show him up with you weren’t there. If it was about you supporting her he would have mentioned it earlier. Sounds like he’s putting his own image before your child’s needs.

I think it's fine not to have gone.

You mentioned that DSD's mum has a newborn. I actually wonder if this is why her stepdad was there too? To support mum with the baby, enabling her to attend her daughter's event, as baby is too young to be away from mum all day and being out all day with a tiny baby is tough. So having stepdad on hand to do nappy changes/make bottles/push the pram for a nap makes sure mum can be there for her older child when needed.

That's a very different situation to trying to entertain a bored 5yo at a sports event all day. I can't imagine the whole family will be going once the baby is old enough to stay with another caregiver for a bit!

I have sporty DC. If one of them has a match or tournament or whatever, one parent takes them - either me or DH, not both of us. Therefore I wouldn't expect a step mum and step sibling to go along either.

What @Oldraver said. I bet he only just found out about ex's partner going and that's why he asked you at the last minute.

Step mothers can't win can they . Nice opportunity for DH and DSD to have alone time. He just doesn't want to as it's probably tedious and boring as a lot of parenting is . Guilt tripping you is not nice . Tell him next time you might consider it if he gives you some notice.

So OP’s plans with her own dd don’t matter, eh? Everything has to be sacrificed at the altar of the step-child?

I dont bring our youngest to dds sport as he would be bored. One parent attends hobby and other has younger sibling. Very occasionally we all go, but that would be because it is local and shorter def notbfor a full day.

Offer to go and support dsd next time and he has 5 year old elsewhere would be the best I could do.

I think I would have said 'let me know when her competition is and DD and I will come up'. I would have made sure whatever other plan I had for the day could flex around that rather than say 'we went out'. A 5 year old is old enough to understand needing to do something for a short period to support a sibling, even if they don't have the patience to stay all day.

The step-mum shaming has truly jumped the shark when a step-mum is being berated for not being present when the father, mother and step-father were there. OP was minding her dd which enabled her husband to support his older dd.

Unless your child would have been an absolute nightmare I think I’d have taken her to show support for DSD as it sounds like a really big deal for her. Take snacks, colouring, games etc and make a day of it. Really surprised no mention was made of you attending either way, by DH or DSD, until the day before.

YANBU. You are not her parent, her parents attended.

Why did your husband even guilt trip you? I suspect you are doing far too much at home. Who does DSD’s cooking/washing?

I’d have taken your 5 year old for an hour or two to show support.

I have a 5 year old and an older DD who does tournaments. We would always just send one parent without ds5 because it's torturous for everyone otherwise. Take turns, say next time you go, without your DD.

It's all about appearance and no commonsense.
Next time he asks why not say, "yes, I'll go for an hour as you can entertain our 5 year old at that point as she won't understand the competition but I can be seen to be there for DSD. Then I'll take DD off so DSD can have your attention, what time is best?"

YANBU. She had two parents and a step parent there for support. That’s plenty. You might go to another event another time, and one of the other three misses it. I don’t go to all of my kids events, and I consider myself to be a very supporting parent. They don’t care so long as someone is there for them. It’ll all eventually even out on the parenting front over time.

I don't go to alot of DS games and festivals (rugby and football) as we have a younger DD as well. It would be boring for her and honestly just not fun for me having to entertain a younger child. I wouldn't actually get to see much of DS games/festivals.

My DS understands this - his words are his sister would just be annoying and I wouldn't watch him anyway. And he is only 7.5 years old.

I sometimes go IF they are shorter / closer / we make a plan with other parents with siblings for entertaining the younger children. Or we switch which parent goes and which looks after our youngest.

I’d have got DH to text me once they knew her competing time and gone to watch her. Obviously sitting there all day with a 5 year old isn’t realistic but I’d have made an effort, kids remember who shows up. My DSD is double blended (two parents and two long standing step parents plus associated grandparents) and brings an army to her comps and shows etc but we all love her and want to be there!

DH and I always divide and conquer when it’s something unsuitable for the other one. Why would you put yourself and a five year old told through 8 hours of watching an event.

YANBU. We never took the other sibling to stand around at a tournament or match. What's the point?

Does the ex also have other children or is your dh absolutely full of it?? I’d say dd won’t sit and watch, so if I come then I think you’d expect me to not watch dsd as much as keep dd occupied somehow in a less than ideal space so YOU could watch dsd. It’s a whole day and totally unfair on dd, and pretty bloody rich of you to spring this expectation on me, I certainly noticed yoy didn’t say anything like ‘I will watch dd half the time. And then if he’s spluttering and rude and you know it would have been awful and he wouldn’t have looked after dd at all during dsds thing, add Anyway, thank you for the kind invitation to have a pretty shitty day with dd so you feel like we are all a family, maybe some other time.’

that was my point exactly.

No child needs 4 adults and two siblings watching something like this, it’s excessive and unnecessary. It’s a tournament not the fucking Olympics.

If he really wanted you there he’d have brought it up much earlier than the night before.

You wished her luck, checked on her progress and made a fuss of her once she was back. That’s plenty of support.

He’s being a twat if he makes a big deal of this.

It sounds like a nice thing for her to share just with her dad.
You could have all had a dinner afterwards all together.
Is DSD even bothered? Or is it more him sulking that his ex had her partner there and he didn’t?

He should understand that taking a young child to something like that will need a bit of preparation and I'm guessing he wasn't putting himself forward to do that. There are often younger siblings at my daughter's events and the parents are well prepped, you can tell it's not their first rodeo. Personally I would hate having to occupy a young kid in that environment but depending on the proximity it would be fine to go along for an hour - knowing that an hour can feel like a lifetime with a bored five year old.