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Original poster

Argument between my best friend and DH

218 replies

NeedAHol25 · 05/05/2025 14:30

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

OP posts:
fattytoadboy · 05/05/2025 18:00

nomas · 05/05/2025 17:56

It’s one thing to not be offended, that is your right, But on this thread the OP’s friend has been called ‘woke and wet lettucy’, ‘can’t handle a joke’, ‘dramatic twat’, ‘fucking idiot’.

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Obviously rude and unacceptable but I’m still not sure how that correlates to people having low standards when it comes to the situation in the op.

nomas · 05/05/2025 17:56

fattytoadboy · 05/05/2025 17:47

Why oh why must we always suggest that women who aren’t automatically offended by everything a man says have low standards? It’s ok to have different boundaries and opinions. It doesn’t mean anyone’s standards are superior to the others.

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It’s one thing to not be offended, that is your right, But on this thread the OP’s friend has been called ‘woke and wet lettucy’, ‘can’t handle a joke’, ‘dramatic twat’, ‘fucking idiot’.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 17:53

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 16:19

Women have periods. That is factual, not sexist.

Ergo, the friend IS a fucking idiot for saying so.

Amazed you cant grasp something so straightforward and simple. JFC 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

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Are you deliberately missing the point?

Being on her period is factual (although none of his business).

Being 'bad enough' to be around due to her period, is sexist, lazy stereotyping.

Try printing it out and colouring it in with your crayons.

This may help you better understand it.

fattytoadboy · 05/05/2025 17:47

nomas · 05/05/2025 16:15

Raise your standards and expectations of men.

Yes, this needs to be pinned to the MN collective.

Why oh why must we always suggest that women who aren’t automatically offended by everything a man says have low standards? It’s ok to have different boundaries and opinions. It doesn’t mean anyone’s standards are superior to the others.

ThatNimblePeer · 05/05/2025 17:46

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 15:25

I'm seeing the word 'misogynistic' being thrown around quite a lot on this post. Misogynistic meaning: someone who dislikes, despises or is strongly prejudiced against women.... it is a well known fact that alot of women are moody, sensitive etc when it's TOM. The fact that he made a joke about this is not misogynistic or sexist. Women quite often use TOM as an 'excuse' for behaviour... 'oh, sorry I snapped, it's my TOM' etc.... your friend is being unreasonable as are the majority of the other snowflaky comments on this post. I dont know anyone IRL that would take such offence to his comment.

Edited

Generalising about women as a class rather than viewing them as individuals is misogynistic and sexist (and dumb, lazy and boring). Some women (including me) have bad periods which affect their mood, some don’t. Some women don’t have periods at all. I’m not making an ‘excuse’ when I apologise in advance to the people around me about the fact that I will likely be unusually irritable over a couple of days, I’m reflecting reality. But that’s my reality, not every woman’s.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:46

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 17:34

Categorising menstruation and race as one of the same is a bit of a leap.... even for MN

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It's up there with the poster telling me I shouldn't sit on a rape trial

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:45

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:26

I’m sorry that you failed to understand what I wrote.

Also sorry that your computer screen is showing you words I never typed. Nowhere have I dictated to anybody what they are meant to be offended by. Quite the opposite. Just because some women joke about themselves and their periods doesn’t somehow give men a pass to spread those sexist jokes to all women.

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But you are implying ALL women must be offended because otherwise it wouldn't be sexist

Topseyt123 · 05/05/2025 17:42

None of this would have bothered me in the slightest. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 17:35

noworklifebalance · 05/05/2025 16:09

I don’t know any men IRL that would make such a comment to a woman.
Raise your standards and expectations of men.

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Absolutely bat shit

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 17:34

JHound · 05/05/2025 16:58

It’s misogynistic and sexist. It’s a tired sexist trope.

The fact that some women may be difficult on their periods does not mean all women are. He should not even be mentioning her period.

I would if instead of making a joke stereotyping her sex, he made one stereotyping her race if you would still be defending that.

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Categorising menstruation and race as one of the same is a bit of a leap.... even for MN

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:26

Bundleflower · 05/05/2025 17:11

Fucking hell. Your repeat comments accusing anybody who isn’t tripping over themselves to be offended on the behalf of others as being misogynistic and sexist are insane.
I, actually, find it a bit misogynistic that you’re telling other women what they have to be offended by.

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I’m sorry that you failed to understand what I wrote.

Also sorry that your computer screen is showing you words I never typed. Nowhere have I dictated to anybody what they are meant to be offended by. Quite the opposite. Just because some women joke about themselves and their periods doesn’t somehow give men a pass to spread those sexist jokes to all women.

Zippidydoodah · 05/05/2025 17:23

Your husband is a complete dick. Especially horrible to comment about her period when she is TTC. Dick.

NannyPlum7 · 05/05/2025 17:22

😦 my husband would NEVER.

But…I mean I can see why she’s a bit pissed off but it’s hardly worth dying in a ditch over.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:19

Bundleflower · 05/05/2025 17:11

Fucking hell. Your repeat comments accusing anybody who isn’t tripping over themselves to be offended on the behalf of others as being misogynistic and sexist are insane.
I, actually, find it a bit misogynistic that you’re telling other women what they have to be offended by.

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Welcome to MN where if you're opinion isn't all men are trash and everything they do is wrong then you're a man/sexist/full of internal misogyny/a handmaiden/a pick me/an incel

And never just a woman with different ideas

Tulipsontoast · 05/05/2025 17:16

Did she know that he was aware of your initial conversation?

If she’s ttc and is upset as she got her period it’s especially dickheadish for him to comment on her cycle (It would be a dick move regardless imo) and I would imagine that she’s feeling particularly vulnerable.

PinkiOcelot · 05/05/2025 17:13

nomas · 05/05/2025 14:41

Please never sit on a jury. Especially if it’s about a woman being raped.

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WTF?!

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:12

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:08

It does when they expand what they know to be true for themselves as an individual to all women.

The fact a woman makes a joke about HERSELF does not suddenly make it ok for this husband to stereotype ALL women.

And women who think it does are dealing with internalised misogyny.

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I've never said all women?

Bundleflower · 05/05/2025 17:11

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:08

It does when they expand what they know to be true for themselves as an individual to all women.

The fact a woman makes a joke about HERSELF does not suddenly make it ok for this husband to stereotype ALL women.

And women who think it does are dealing with internalised misogyny.

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Fucking hell. Your repeat comments accusing anybody who isn’t tripping over themselves to be offended on the behalf of others as being misogynistic and sexist are insane.
I, actually, find it a bit misogynistic that you’re telling other women what they have to be offended by.

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:08

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:05

Women joking about their period isn't internalised misogyny

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It does when they expand what they know to be true for themselves as an individual to all women.

The fact a woman makes a joke about HERSELF does not suddenly make it ok for this husband to stereotype ALL women.

And women who think it does are dealing with internalised misogyny.

ForestFox44 · 05/05/2025 17:08

Personally think she's being OTT... can no one give a quick wit response back anymore or just realise things aren't that deep 🫠 if he's willing to apologise and she won't accept it just leave it...I'm sure they will both get over it

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:06

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:04

You don't have to be sexist to know women can be more temperamental and emotional when due on

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You really do have to be sexist to believe a sexist stereotype is true for the whole enough to make a sexist joke about it.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 17:05

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:00

The fact that some women have internalised misogyny does not make what he said ok.

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Women joking about their period isn't internalised misogyny

JHound · 05/05/2025 17:05

HunnyPot · 05/05/2025 17:03

My friend said that was sexist and not funny.

She said that to your husband in his own house? Instead of throwing a strop, She should be thanking him for letting her stay.

It’s OP’s house too.

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 17:05

nomas · 05/05/2025 16:44

So because not everyone is a female who has periods, women are therefore fair game for jokes about their bodies?

Pull the other one.

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OPs friend shouldnt have dished out her juvenile joke if she cant fucking handle one back in return.

Thats called equality.

As for him knowing about her "TOM", he overheard it - I highly doubt the OPs partner lunged for the fone to hear all about it.

Some people - proper straw and pearl clutchers in extremis.

nomas · 05/05/2025 17:04

BlackPantherPrincess · 05/05/2025 16:57

Extrapolating much?

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Being able to understand a few basic points should be mandatory for a jury. It’s not extrapolating to say if a poster can’t comprehend a post then I hope they’re never on a jury.