DH going away, 9 month old baby

Ah god @ChunkyFTMMum 9 months was probably my LEAST favourite age so far for my daughter as she was exactly how you have described your LO to be and it was HARD. I totally feel your frustration, exhaustion and annoyance for being left in the lurch like that. When teeth are coming through and the sleep has gone to shit and you’re working full time it really feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting further away not closer. I think you wouldn’t be unreasonable at all to ask him not to go.

I have been where you are, and it isn’t easy. Sending hugs x

I think the difference is that you can’t tell someone you love (family/friend) when they can get married, have a stag etc. Those timings are largely out of your control and most people want to show up to these hopefully one off events to celebrate these big moments. Whereas the is going to an annual event when his wife really needs him. Yes, his mental health is important and it looks like it was prioritised in this instance but OP doesn’t have to be okay with this.

Not sure how feasible it is with a week to go but can you hire a night nanny or some sort of help for the nights? Yes I know they can't help with the breastfeeding but they could help with whatever your husband does eg the settling before 2am and the first morning change etc. Or if not hiring someone then maybe a friend can stay over for a night or two to do the same?

I'd be feeling the same as you but would also feel bad asking him to cancel at such short notice.

It sounds like it’s a huge deal to him but surely not as big as his wife’s mental health? Isn’t that the crux of what is going on here? She’s wants to be more important than a conference that happens every year (even if it’s a bloody great conference).

Given how LOVELY you're being I can't think why the guy wants six days away for his hobby..

Some of the replies on this thread are wild. Suggestions of leaving your job, stopping breastfeeding and that you don't like your child - bizarre!

Op, have him do every night settle that you don’t need to breastfeed until you go. Say it’s your turn again, you’re taking 6 days off and don’t care how hard it will be for me to do the whole night and work, you can do still only part of the whole night since you can’t breastfeed and work and if that’s too hard then you’re a really selfish jerk Now go and settle your baby, and support your wife a teeny tiny bit.

One could say the same about DH's hobby. Just because she doesn't think it's a big deal doesn't mean it isn't, to him.

Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal, that doesn’t make it fact. Other people find different things hard and you have no idea how OP is actually feeling so maybe try and have some more empathy. Telling woman with young children to basically suck it up because it’s not that hard is irresponsible.

She hasn't asked for advice. She asked if she was being unreasonable. People couldn't handle that and decide to offer unsolicited advice. Including to quit her job and to give up breastfeeding.

I can't lie OP, I'd be absolutely fuming. I'm all for giving each other time where possible, but 3 months back at work the fatigue sets in and novelty of being back wears off. Add to that the sleep deprivation and baby being attached to you constantly and it's utterly draining and the perfect circumstance for building resentment.
You're getting a hard time because your anger is misdirected but these people either had easy baby's (yes, by sheer luck and not your superior parenting, I have one of each so I know this for a fact), or would feel the same as you in the same circumstances and want to be the cool wife that never inconveniences her husband.
Make it clear you're pissed off at his empty offer to cancel, you want him to cancel it and seeing as he's chosen not to you expect him to make sure the house is sparkling clean and your fridge is stocked with meals ready to be heated quickly. You also need a couple of hours to yourself to get in the right frame of mind before he goes.

You asked for advice but haven't been able to take any of it for different reasons. It is rubbish I get that . Maybe little things like getting easy teas in so you don't create any dishes in the kitchen. Try to go to bed when the baby does. Just cut corners where you can. You will get through it. It feels hard now but it'll pass. I know others have said it but you definitely have to return the favour and take a week yourself at some point. Don't get mad, get even. Good luck x

He also offered not to go if things changed. Which they have. He's now going back on that deal.

Struggle to see what you and your husband did got to do with her situation.

And this isn't working away.

Her DH is fucking off for 6 days without a care in the world and OP is the one who doesn't like her baby very much?

Now you’re being overly dramatic. It’s just 6 nights. It’s really not a big deal - and she did sign up for it when she agreed in the first place!

That's a wild thing to say. I love my daughter more than the world. I'm also really happy to enjoy some time off parenting. I went to stay with friends the other weekend, overnight. I enjoy evenings out and day trips without her. I love being a mum, the best time of my life.

Before they knew what the baby would be like at this stage. She admits they were naïve.

OFFS

Read her posts.

She isn't a single parent or a military wife. Her husband is making a choice to go on a jolly leaving his wife with a tricky baby, lack of sleep and a full time job.

She has explained this to him and he doesn't care.

You signed up to be a military wife. She did not sign up for this

So? It doesn’t matter why he’s going. She should be able to cope without making him feel dreadful, it was already agreed!

I'm guessing you haven't actually tried cos sleeping. It's a game changer. My eldest was an awful sleeper, I'm talking about him waking 20+ times a night, the record was 26 times in one night. Co sleeping changed everything.

It doesn't sound like you like your baby or being a mum very much. I can't imagine ever wanting to be away from my children even for one night. It might be an idea to seek some support from your GP or health visitor.

Yes, for months. Like every single parent or military wife. This is such a non event the OP is making a huge mountain out of a molehill.

He's not going for work.