DH going away, 9 month old baby

Tbh it’s always going to be a bad time. I’d rather be left alone with a 9month old for a week than a toddler.

Can you book some time for after he gets back? Even if it’s just a day you can have to rest and recuperate?when you’re burnt out everything feels huge, you need some you time. Or could you at least work from home or leave early or start late?

Which is why they said book a couple of days of annual leave.

Sorry just seen your reply above, but you obviously have your mind made up that he is being unreasonable, so doesn't matter what any of us think

You said he booked this trip a year ago, your kid is 9mo.

Why did you leave it to now to "tell" him to cancel?

This conversation should have been had weeks if not months ago, but even if he stays home, you're the one with the breasts. He can't feed the child.

Leave everything - the cooking, laundry, dishes etc and get either a one-off clean or let him do it all when he gets back.

Book annual leave.
Ask for help.

consider reducing your breastfeeding in the future. No need to feed baby this much now.

bank this trip and take one for yourself.

Which is what I said in my first post. You quoted me about something else and then agreed with me.

I didn’t say that if single mothers can cope she can’t or whatever you’re insinuating, but she didn’t ask if she COULD cope, she asked if it was reasonable that she should have to because she has a whole other parent. It’s a different situation, it doesn’t need to be conflated.

I would ask him to cancel, simply on the basis that the trip is too long. If it was a weekend fun trip or away for a week for work I would get that.
6 days for fun activity is unreasonable when you work full time and your baby is being fussy a lot.
He can go next year.
And I really don't get the mentality on MN that you must be doing something wrong with your baby because he wakes up frequently or fusses. Giving you advise or judging you on how you raise your baby is not necessary.

The question is simple should your husband cancel his trip or not. In my opinion you shouldn't feel bad and also you shouldn't even be asking him. He is not blind and can see how much hard work it is. I'm sure if it was the opposite and you were to leave he would be begging you to cancel.

Well yes you are being unreasonable asking him to cancel this late in the day, after much expense. That’s the general consensus, hence you’re being so rude to posters. If you’re just going to be rude to your DH for months after his return then tell him to cancel. He has offered to, take him up on it if you don’t want to cope alone. Just because most here coped alone for periods of time doesn’t mean you have to in this instance. You clearly think he’s being very unreasonable going, so just tell him.

I actually think that you will probably be fine. Take it one day at a time. A weeks not long. What can go wrong apart from you being tired?
If you really feel like you can’t cope you would have no choice but to tell your husband not to go.

I agree - OP may not he stupid but definitely rude. Those suggesting a day’s annual leave in the middle of the week greeted with ‘I’m not a stay at home wife. I don’t need ideas about cafes and crèches’. Lots of good ideas here, I think OP is just pissed off with husband, and those that don’t agree either her!

OP, you're getting an unreasonably hard time. DC2 was a clingy baby who breastfed all night long until he was 14mo. He would have been impossible to sleep train and it didn't matter who slept where, he woke up constantly and screamed as much as he could. It's hard bloody work and I totally get why you don't want to face additional time doing this alone. My DH wouldn't have even considered leaving us in this stage, especially not for a hobby- and would have put as many work trips on hold as he could, though I appreciate that's not always possible. I would talk to him and explain your fears. If he still chooses to go, then make your life as easy as possible. Take some AL if you can to nap during the day, etc.

Even if he stays, you need to find some solutions long term. I didn't until I basically hit breaking point (genuinely scared I might throw my baby out the window in the middle of the night; that was horrifying and terrifying and i don't want to think of anyone else reachingthat point).

He needs to support you in taking time for yourself every week to switch off and recharge. That might be alone or with friend(s), it could be a walk, a coffee, nails/massage/etc, swimming, a lunch out. I cannot emphasise enough what a difference this has made for me. Sometimes things get busy and I can't fit it in but I can always feel the difference.

Im quoting you because you quoted me 😂

You don’t agree with “If single mothers can cope then the OP can too” so I’m not going to carry that on with you.

When what she wants to know is - ‘Is my partner being fair?’ Respond to her about that instead.

IMO - if she previously agreed and was happy for him to go on this trip - then YES, I think her partner is being fair.

If the OP has changed her mind and thinks he is being unfair by going on this trip then she needs to communicate that with HIM. Not strangers on the internet.

It doesn’t have to be this complicated. They could have already sorted it out by now with a simple adult conversation.

Calpol and baby ibuprofen can be given together - this should cut down the nighttime wakings if it's because of teething.

Otherwise, I'd revisit sleep training. OR book a week off work when your husband is away and sleep in

OP isn't in the UK. If she's in a country with poor maternity leave then there's a very good chance that annual leave isn't very good either and she may to save anything she does get just in case her baby gets ill and can't be at nursery.

My ex went to St Lucia when my youngest of 3 was 9 months. Yes it was a bit harder with no help, but I coped. If it’s booked, i’d just suck it up. Maybe sort yourself out with a little break once you’re able to.

I think it's too late to cancel now, but what he can do is try to make those six days easier for you. He can do a big shop/batch cook so that you just need to heat up some meals while he's away, for example.

If I were you, I'd do as PP's have suggested and take a day or two of leave during his trip. Put the baby in childcare those days and use the time to catch up on sleep and pamper yourself. Even one day to yourself will make a big difference.

It's a tough stage, OP, but you'll get through it and when your baby is weaned, it'll be your turn to have a trip while your DH holds the fort.

Well you have your majority answer it’s yes, so are you going to accept that verdict or carry on complaining and trying to get everyone to change their mind.
Let him go it’s only for a few days out of a lifetime, I’m sure you’ll manage admirably.
Oh and put a smile on it, don’t spoil it for him, you can have lots of lovely days to yourself on the future.

Breast feeding babies do not feed to the same patterns as bottle fed.

you can’t just drop the 4 am feed, or start combi feeding. At this point in bf that would probably cause more issues than it solves.

o/p I’d let it go this time as it’s booked with a warning it’s not to happen again until things are more settled.

I’d also take some annual leave. At least so works off the table- have a mini- break yourself, take child to nursery, go home, and sleep. Or go shopping, or whatever you want to do. Nice food, takeaways, spoil yourself.

Or take off to your parents for a few days if they will help out.

You've already had a conversation. He's offered to cancel.
You only need to ask him.

I wouldn't. I'd manage and then have a conversation about how he can better help and look at DC routine when he's back.

It will be tough OP but you can do it. And you will reap the reward another time (I'd be making this VERY clear to DH). If I were you I'd schedule one day leave if you can get it and go for a nice afternoon nap to catch up on yourself. If not just power through and plan what you'll do when you go away.

It sounds like you are getting very little sleep right now but in the overall scheme of things your baby seems like a good sleeper so it's not like you've had this bad patch for 9 months. I totally get why you are annoyed but i think you would be very unreasonable to ask him to cancel.

you’re obviously struggling and I can see why you want him to cancel the trip but it honestly doesn’t seem the fairest option. If you already have 45 hours of childcare in place why don’t you take a few days annual leave and do some nice, relaxing things so that you’re ready and prepped for the evenings, hopefully then they won’t feel so tough!

I think it would be very unreasonable to ask him to cancel, it’s a knee jerk reaction to being in the midst of a shitty time