DH going away, 9 month old baby

A stag do would be too but OP would be fine with that.

OP has already explained that her baby has an allergy and it isn't as simple as grabbing standard formula and giving it to her baby, it would have to be hypoallergenic and it tastes foul to the point some babies refuse to drink it unless it's sweetened with Nesquik.

Is going back to work so you can pay your bills a choice now?

It's not a need. It is frivolous. Do you not understand the difference?

Does he feel in the least bit guilty?

I would get in as many ready meals as necessary. I would do the minimum in the house and I would leave him to sort it ALL out when he gets back

Although if there's enough money for a trip there's enough money for a cleaner to help you while he's away

You’ve chosen to breastfeed and go back to work. The fact that the baby cluster feeds is because you’ve chosen not to top up with formula - they need the nutrients overnight. There would be time to rediscover your own interests if you weren’t so rigid.

Funny how if he communicates a need it's deemed frivolous and selfish....

By communicating your needs? By being honest and thus avoiding resentment? By advocating for working as a team to get through the tough times?

You are wrong. This is what saves marriages.

No, it's not unhelpful just because the majority of us are not agreeing with you. You asked AIBU, most of us said yes, you don't like it. That's unfortunate but how it is.

OP say exactly the above to your husband and feel no guilt about it

He said he'll cancel if I ask him to but then I'm the bad guy and I know he won't like it

Have you asked him to cancel things before and he's vocalised that he is unhappy about it? Or is that a guess of what would happen?

YABU you should be able to cope.

I did a week with a 6 weeks old and a toddler.

wow, that sounds pretty intense for you, OP!

totally understand why a lot of mums choose not to breastfeed…

That's garbage. It's how adults talk to each other.

Sometimes life goes exactly as you want it to and you can go off and do leisure things, and sometimes you're in the trenches as a family and you suck it up.

And lose out on something to hold over his head for years to come?

This is exactly what I meant. 🫶

Haha

Actually read what I've written before turning it against me 😂

My comment was 'potentially driving a wedge' not 'his feelings more important than hers' as you said, nor with such certainty as yours 'the resentment he has created by going away'

Whereas my husband is genuinely hands on, does all the cooking and the food shop, parents his children when I’m doing other household stuff so it would not be at all easier. Good for you. For me, like I said, in my experience (which is not everyone's) I find it easier, 'I' meaning me, myself, personally. I have a ND DH, he finds it hard despite being incredibly hands on parent, doing all those things you say. Keeping tidy is not his strong point so yeah things do move about and don't stay where I'd expect them to. So for me, it's easier. But like you say - it's 2025, open you mind, stop reading things that aren't written. If iud like to discuss neurodiversity further - PM me, Knowledge is empowering, especially in 2025.

'She’s working full time with a nine month old baby! Why are you suggesting that isn’t enough?' Again, kindly stop putting words where they aren't. Did I say it's not enough? No, I kindly suggested getting on with the situation she finds herself in.

I have two kids, both extended EBF, worked with both (with kids incidentally - a busman's holiday if you will). I have a ND DH. Just because you seem require clarification, but lets remember this is about the OP. An OP who doesn't feel her DP should take a short break for a hobby. Why not, I'm wondering?

Now, which bar is it that's on the floor? And what is it that women are putting up with in 2025?

This is how marriages begin to erode after offspring are born.

“Thank you for your offer to cancel the trip. I’d prefer that at this time. Let’s look into rescheduling some trips away when things are easier.”

FML. Some of the commenters so clearly gave birth a generation or more ago and have completely forgotten what it was like. Or, they didn’t have a career to juggle with motherhood, or place any value on breastfeeding. There’s so much patronising ‘advice’ it’s cringeworthy.

@ChunkyFTMMum if you’re still here, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think the issue is actually that you want him to cancel the trip without you asking him to. And he is being spineless in forcing you to make the decision. You sound exhausted. You clearly appreciate that it’s important for both of you to have time to do hobbies etc, but this is a really bad time.

The mental and physical exhaustion of breastfeeding a baby is immense, I think even the most empathetic partner probably won’t understand what it’s like. I think it’s maybe a little unfair to hope your partner would understand your sacrifice and cancel his trip, unless you have first told him exactly how you feel about it.

I think you’re right to think him going away for work is different to him going away for a hobby, as it’s a choice and open to discussion.
I guess you’ll have to weigh it all up- is this a rare chance he won’t have again, or something he can easily go to in the future?
Is your sacrifice of having no support for a week worth the benefits he’ll receive taking a holiday for himself?

I imagine it’s hard to feel 100% happy for him to take a holiday for a hobby, when you have zero chance to take time for yourself at the moment and won’t be able to for a long time.
If he’s very supportive and takes an equal part in parenting and household responsibilities, then try not to compare the difference in him going away now and you going away in the future.

I would instead just try to focus on whether or not you can physically and mentally cope with him gone for this particular week, and if you think you can’t then it definitely wouldn’t be unfair to let your partner know and ask him not to go.

Or his dad

Oh man I would be cheesed off by this. It would be hard to say cancel, but the resentment is going to be tricky.

Could he stock the freezer for you before you go? Book an extra session with a cleaning service? He cleans the house from top to bottom before he leaves and does all the laundry? Maybe ALL of those things!

It wouldn't hurt you to find a way to relax for a few hours and leave your baby with his dad, that's probably what the poster meant, or should have meant.

Well they're only quoting what OP wrote in one of her posts: "he helps with bedtime and bathtime. He does all the settling before 2am if baby wakes then. He changes his nappy and outfit in the morning. He shares the cooking and cleaning." Clearly OP finds this support invaluable at a time when she's struggling with the demands of being a FT employee (50hrs pw!) and their baby.

OP I really feel for you.

DH should really have realised when booking, that when babies hear things may be different.

have you explicitly told him not to go (with reasoning) I get you shouldn’t have too. However I really think sometimes you need to just tell them how it is.

It’s funny isn’t it, women are slandered when a SAHM. Slandered when they work a career. slandered if they have “too much” held, slandered if they have none.

9M I found a hard age too! Teething may not happen as you expect but it also may happen exactly that way & DH needs to appreciate that.