DH going away, 9 month old baby

Regarding your update. I think he's more of a jerk than before.

If she didn't want him to go AT ALL, I would disagree but at least there would be some integrity to her stance.

But she has plainly said that there are events she would deem worthy of her coping alone, such as (bizarrely) other people's weddings and stag dos. So she CAN cope, she just doesn't want to if it's to accommodate HIS hobby.

Deciding what she will and will not facilitate regardless of HIS personal feelings and priorities is the absolute epitome of controlling.

!

My husband always travelled, leaving me at home with four children. It wasn't unusual for him to be away for several months, even when the children were tiny. It was his job, which he had trained hard for and enjoyed.
We're older now and retired and he says how grateful he is that I didn't try to stop him travelling when he was younger, the work was enjoyable, well paid and he loved it.
I can see that it's different if it's for his hobby, but I'm hoping for your sake that he doesn't start to do this regularly.

Why not try the old method of giving a very milky Rusk at his last feed? This should be enough for the whole night. You’re making a rod for your own back. As a new mum, you’d do well to heed some of the advice in this thread, given in good faith to help you. Single mums, and mums who have husbands who work away, manage fine…you will too.

why not his dad?

But what if he goes and she's resentful. Does that not matter?

It's not unreasonable to ask him to cancel, but I think you'd probably prefer if he worked out for himself that he needs to be more present. I think you need to say 'I am finding things very tough and while I understand we both want to retain our pre-child lives, the reality is that I can't do that. Can you see that? Please consider how would you feel if I left you with the baby for 6 nights?' See if you can get some acknowledgment of what you've had to give up and what he's asking from you.

Yes, but why should she get through it?
You didn’t have a partner she does.
Let’s not race to the bottom

Most posts have said OP should be a ‘cool wife’ and facilitate her H’s trip, and offered parenting advice. Not ‘controlling’ of her not to want him to go in the circumstances she’s outlined.

It doesn’t sound unlike my DC at the same age. I was by this time a single parent, with no family to support me and working full time.
I went to bed pretty much as soon as they nodded off. I figured resting was of some use to me. Phone off so I could rest.
I bulk cooked meals and used a slow cooker too. These strategies were helpful with cutting down food prep.
You’ll get through it. Just try and cut as many corners as you realistically can beforehand to cut down on domestic jobs.
Good luck 🍀

um you came for advice but have shunned all advice. You sound a bit controlling and have been a bit confrontational.

I breastfed for 8 years in total (different children). It was a choice and I had to accept it was going to be more demanding and there would be a loss of sleep.

You don’t know that tooth will come through, there will never be a good time when you have kids - even when they’re older - there’s always something. If you deprive your partner of the trip he will be resentful trust me. I think your best bet is to try and take some of the great suggestions on here to make it easier for yourself. Start planning your vacay to look forward to.

Ashtons teething powders really helped mine.

What goes around comes around, no, but my 3 are older (9/11/12) but neither of us would veto another’s weekend away etc (albeit a week is a long time. Sounds like you live in America (?) so work/life balance not so respected. I feel your pain but the baby years are a distant foggy memory!

Didn't her DH also choose to be a parent?

single?

Did you choose to be a parent? This is just one of thousands of things you will have to accept are not your ideal scenario...

that's life! no parent has it easy!

Just muddle through. The week will end before you know it.

I agree, I’d be pretty disappointed if my partner chose to do this. But given it’s already booked and paid for I think I’d be inclined to just make it very clear it wasn’t likely to be a repeat situation. I just can’t see any good coming of cancelling one week before.

As an employer this pisses me off. Anyone who did this in my company would face disciplinary action.

Why should her employer suffer because some selfish bloke wants to have a jolly?

It means showing care and consideration to your loved wife, wanting to make her life easier, being there for her in the tough times, and not being the “me first” twat you were as a single man

So you get a fun trip for 6 days(or 2x 3 days) as well and he can cope alone too;fair is fair.

Spend your time away catching up on sleep/resting/enjoy things you like/having a long hot bath in peace.

I don't know. I think everything's so crazy that first year. Every time you think you've found a routine, something happens. Teething, weaning, sleep regression. It's really intense, and going back to work can be exhausting, physically and mentally. I can completely see telling yourself, this is fine, I've got this, and then realising you're feeling overwhelmed.

I do think hobbies and outlets and other interests are important. But I also don't think they need to be treated as sacrosanct and it doesn't kill anyone for them to take a backseat for limited periods of time. We both have hobbies, but accepted that we were going to put each other and the baby first for a while.

Everyone's different, but I have to say, at 9 months we were alternating between tearing our hair out and being completely besotted. I can't imagine actively choosing to be away from the baby for a week, as opposed to needing to for work or being away for a day or two, particularly that pfb. I think I would have been disappointed in a partner with those priorities, particularly if they could see I was struggling.