To hate women who make a big martyry song and dance about the housework

You realise they don't all start out like this. Once they've got themselves a wife - usually when she's on Mat Leave - they backpedal on all the life skills they've ever learned. And it goes on from there. If they were useless to start with do you REALLY think we still would have married them?

’I’m not like other girls’ 🙄

Living the dream fantasy of no housework =

Bin overflows everywhere all over the floor
Toilet is crusted with shite
No clean clothes and stink waves rising from piles of dirty laundry
No clean dishes and mould and vermin move in
Beds are now fetid fart boxes
Dusty cover on everything and dust bunny chandeliers
Climbing through piles of detritus never tidied up

Unless your house is like that, you are doing housework. And if you're doing housework and no one is helping, you're a hero saving everyone from grimefightersville and can sing and dance as much as you like

It's hard to live life to the full when your house is a fetid shithole.

There's always constant housework needing doing even to keep it sanitary, never mind beautiful.

There's no escape! Someone always has to do it.

Personally I would rather die than live with Neat Women in some dedicated to cleaning hellscape

That's not what she's describing though is it?
She's acknowledging that women still take on the bulk of responsibility for housework.

Even if you dgaf about housework you must actually do housework unless your house looks like an episode of hoarders or grime fighters. And as you and/or DH must actually do some housework surely you can understand that if neither of you give a fuck about it but one of you ends up lumbered with it that would be pretty annoying.

If I had to do all of the housework for my household I would be making an Andrew Lloyd Weber level song and dance of it.

That's nice.

My daughter is 18m and since her birth I have become a stay at home parent.

I’m the skinniest I’ve ever been. As in 5’7 and under 120lb. I also make sure I eat full fat everything now too just to make sure I don’t get any smaller.

Everyone keeps mentioning my weight loss. I’m at least 20lb smaller than pre pregnancy weight.

Before I used to work out a couple of times a week but the only exercise I do these days is looking after DD and keeping the house ticking over. Bloody exhausting.

What state is your house in if neither if you do housework?

Walk into the bathroom you cleaned. Your bloke has left his beard trimmings and toothpaste spit in the basin. Look at the toilet. He's left piss on the floor, pubes on the seat and skidmarks in the bowl. Sigh. Sigh again, and take on board that he feels far too important to clean up after himself - it's your job. He actually sees it as your job to remove his shit from the bowl - and to wash the shit out of his underpants because he cba to keep his backside clean. Then - deep breath - try to feel sexual attraction to him . . . No wonder women instigate the majority of divorces.

I like this quote but seeing as I do a lot of living in my house, I like it to be clean and relaxing.

I don’t think housekeeping and ‘living life’ are mutually exclusive. The former is an inevitable part of the latter.

Aren't you amazing op?
Can l assume you don't have children?
Anyways you do you.

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. —Rose Macaulay

My favourite quote.

Yeah I do hear what you’re saying especially with the last part. It’s not always so black & white. Things change.
I guess it’s something I feel strongly about because I grew up seeing it every day with my own mother, doing absolutely everything around the house because my step dad did (and still does) fuck all, and now she’s still taking care of him and two other adult children who live at home (not me). She’s so stressed she barely sleeps. But she takes some weird pride in it, like because she’s a wife & mother this is how she must live her life, a servant to everyone else. She is a proper martyr about it, and I’m sick of hearing about it because she won’t see the issue or change. I swore I’d never end up like that. And so far so good.
As a result my brother is totally fucking useless and whoever marries him needs to seriously give him a kick up the arse, or get out of there before she ends up like my mother.

Your house is messy, ain’t it

I didn't have a family with a person like that.

But, with many, they stop doing a lot once kids come along. Or it becomes more apparent than when it was just the two of you.

Yes, YABU.

I haven't heard the term shaddup since Joe Dolce spelled the words out on a blackboard in the 80s. Doubly BU.

The fact you read the Daily Mail and are happy to live in a dirty untidy house makes it clear what type of person you are. Most of us can manage to tidy/clean our house but still have fun. I don’t spend any longer than about 30-45 minutes a day on housework/tidying. No song or dance or martyring going on.

You do you though.

well for a start if you’re having to resort to forcing your grown ass adult partner to learn how to clean/cook/tidy and generally contribute to the running of a household, you probably need to take a long hard look at the relationship and why you even had a family with this person in the first place. Not accept your lot in life. These are the ‘martyrs’ that OP is referring to.

Yet another weird thread from the OP they haven't bothered returning to 🙄

So if the partner doesn't learn, who feeds the kids? Who makes sure they go to school clean and not looking homeless?

You can't stop doing things for kids just so your husband will learn. And you can't live in mess, especially with kids, because it makes life really hard work.

So how do you make them "learn"?

I agree some people clean themselves because they have irrationally high standards when there's zero real need. Lots of women though choose to live with lazy men who they let take them for granted and don't do any cleaning which is gross.

Yep you get it!

I am laughing at some of these replies because OP hasn’t articulated herself very well, but I think a lot of people have misunderstood what OP is (clumsily) trying to say. She’s not saying, don’t bother cleaning your because it’s not important. Shes saying don’t absolutely exhaust and depress yourself by doing everything for everyone else and then complain about it. Ask for help, or stop doing it. They’ll learn (‘they’ refers to lazy husbands/partners and kids).