5 years together and talked about living together

I think he’ll soften in time, it may come across harshly but the heart of this is protecting himself, he’s probably too old to pay off a third mortgage. If you built up your rent and a f* off fund as your tenants will probably have a six month clause where you’d need somewhere to stay - or to head off round the world if you could. I’d not be keen on not making his house your home to some degree but that can be considered somehow.

Personally I wouldn’t be keen to live like a lodger when I’m used to owning my own home. I’m used to making decisions about my own furniture and surroundings and would find it difficult to cede control.

I do get the once bitten twice shy thing but you are not her and shouldn’t have to live your life making up for her/ his previous decision making.

I personally wouldn’t be keen not move in and maintain your own spaces.

Looking at the finances, why does he get all the assets here and you don't? What if he decides to leave you? What if he dies?

Looking at the relationship, he clearly isn't ready to live with someone else again as he's deeply mistrusting and only concerned about protecting himself. He's treating you like you're out for what you can get which is insulting and disrespectful. He is also not coming at this as a couple but as an individual. The "I keep everything because it's mine" mentality really just can't work in a relationship.

I think he's being reasonable. I think althought you are together and you hope to be together, you have to think what if. Only issue I see is, if you did split up you need to think what would you do having to leave immediately? This part doesn't seem fair on you

He’s not correct in some of his thinking - having a joint account wouldn’t allow you to claim on the house. I would probably suggest you both talking to a solicitor about how you would protect yourselves and what is reasonable (how much notice you would need to give your tenants for you to move out quickly and drag things out).

As you own your own home would you be renting this out for an income?

As long as you still have your home as an asset in case of a split it seems a sensible option that you pay half towards bills (either into a joint account or directly to him/the billing company). But that you have no other claim on his house, and he no claim on yours.

He's being perfectly reasonable imo. You're hesitant though , do you want to live together or do you think you're fine as you are.

Common law wife does not exist but people can make claims.

I would be exactly like him and want to protect my assets. In your case everyone selling and buying 50/50 plus a 50/50 on all expenses would be the only way I would consider it.

No such thing as a common law wife.

is the plan for you to move into his house? And rent out your own house?

On one hand it’s sensible. No one likes talking about it but having agreements in place for splitting is technically a good thing. If it was the other way around you’d want to protect your house.

On the other hand, what if you’re paying his mortgage for years - is it fair to walk away with nothing?

I presume he is reflecting on his previous marriage and is now 'once bitten, twice shy'. I think it's showing a lack of trust, but he's obviously scared about what may happen if your relationship broke down. Is marriage something you'd both hope for further down the line?

Edited to add - I think he's being a tad extreme, but objectively it'd be wise for him to protect his assets in some way, if that's his concern. Sorry it's such a sensitive situation op.