2 children with ex.(11,13) Ex was horrifically abusive, sexually, mentally and financially. Finally left with the children 8 years ago. I haven’t stopped access despite the abuse I suffered. I would argue that the children suffered second hand abuse from being in the environment, certainly not directly.
in the last 8 years ex has barely paid. Current arrears for child maintenance stand at 30k. CMS dealing with it. Still haven’t stopped contact. Children with him one weekend a month, if he can afford to have them. He still gambles dreadfully.
AIBU that I want to stop contact? I don’t see why he should have the children if he doesn’t pay for them. But then I understand that children aren’t “pay per view”. But how am I suppose to cover the petrol to take them down to his? (2 hrs away)
we’ve had some utterly heartbreaking moments over the 8 years, kids have gone for their bdays/xmas and he’s got them nothing. Not a single present. He says it’s because he has no money, and they’ll get something the month after. My argument is that he knows when Xmas/bdays are and he should a budget for it like I have to do.
when the kids go to his they’re allowed to do what they like, every meal is a take out. Don’t have to shower/ can go to bed when they want etc. obviously when they’re with me I have the very normal household rules that I assume 99% of households have with school age kids.
when I ask what they did at their dads all I get is “nothing, we didn’t go out, dad slept all the time”. My DD (11) even said “there was not much point in going” the last time they went.
BUT here’s the thing- were I to stand in front of a judge and the judge ask what my safeguarding concerns were? I have none. He’s lazy, and gambles, and is financially abusing me still but he wouldn’t hurt the children.
I don’t no if im BU? Should I just leave it? I’m hoping the kids will see what he’s like the older they get. I’ve kept all proof of non payments for when/if they ask when they’re older.
any constructive feedback/legal advice about where I stand would be appreciated