Page 5 | To do my daughters GCSE course work?

LolaLouise · 2025-05-05T06:28:44+00:00

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task. Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now. So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision. Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images. How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:32

Cosyblankets · 05/05/2025 11:31

You have already decided that it is OK to do this bit for her.
I'm not sure why you asked

Show quote history

i already agreed NOT TO GIVE HER TO SODDING SKETCH

OP posts:

Cosyblankets · 05/05/2025 11:31

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:24

Well you do you. My other children are successfully working and successfully starting at a decent uni, i feel i have parented all 3 of my children to the best of my abilities, and if they come to me asking for help, they will get it.

Show quote history

You have already decided that it is OK to do this bit for her.
I'm not sure why you asked

RobinHeartella · 05/05/2025 11:31

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:29

Im not doing her bloody exams, and she had done atleast 40 pages prior to asking me to help her finish it off. Again, you do you, shes a kid, shes stressed, shes asking me to help,nothing has been done by me as she isnt using the one i drew, which in all honesty looking at it again this morning is shit, im not about to say no toddle off and do it yourself if you fail you fail your fault for not trying hard enough (or asking for help when you need it which is something i have encouraged) to my child.

Show quote history

no toddle off and do it yourself if you fail you fail your fault for not trying hard enough

She's not going to fail if she doesn't do this one drawing...!

I can see why she's catastrophising though when you have that attitude

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:31

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 11:30

Really can’t see the point of this thread. You’ve decided exactly what you’re going to do and are justifying going beyond support and actually doing tasks/ parts of tasks for her. Presumably you’re also going to encourage her to sign the document confirming the work is entirely her own.

cool. Your decision. I preferred to support not do the work for my Neuro divergent child. I feel it’s preferable to model honesty and to foster resilience and acceptance, not easy with a child who gets overwhelmed and has meltdowns but better to learn this lesson in a safe environment at home, with a loving parent, than when they’re out in the big wide world of university or work.

But as I say, if you’ve decided what you’re going to do for your daughter’s work, there’s little point in continuing the thread

How? I literally said on like page one the posters were right and havent given her the sketch to use

OP posts:

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 11:30

Really can’t see the point of this thread. You’ve decided exactly what you’re going to do and are justifying going beyond support and actually doing tasks/ parts of tasks for her. Presumably you’re also going to encourage her to sign the document confirming the work is entirely her own.

cool. Your decision. I preferred to support not do the work for my Neuro divergent child. I feel it’s preferable to model honesty and to foster resilience and acceptance, not easy with a child who gets overwhelmed and has meltdowns but better to learn this lesson in a safe environment at home, with a loving parent, than when they’re out in the big wide world of university or work.

But as I say, if you’ve decided what you’re going to do for your daughter’s work, there’s little point in continuing the thread

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:29

Swiftie1878 · 05/05/2025 11:26

This is enabling craziness. You are practically doing her work for her. The assessment is supposed to be of what your child can do, not her parent. You have micromanaged ALL of her coursework , and now even have her tracing your work to include as her final piece.
If she can’t do it, she can’t do it, and her grade will reflect that. It’s not the end of the world.
You continue like this and you’re going to end up doing her Y13 exams too. None of her achievements will feel like her own, and it’s catastrophic for self esteem.
Stop it. Please.

Show quote history

Im not doing her bloody exams, and she had done atleast 40 pages prior to asking me to help her finish it off. Again, you do you, shes a kid, shes stressed, shes asking me to help,nothing has been done by me as she isnt using the one i drew, which in all honesty looking at it again this morning is shit, im not about to say no toddle off and do it yourself if you fail you fail your fault for not trying hard enough (or asking for help when you need it which is something i have encouraged) to my child.

OP posts:

Kreepture · 05/05/2025 11:29

OP, i know how pushy art teachers can be. I point blank TOLD my DD's Art Teacher when i was getting email after email about something DD was struggling with due to her ADHD that unless she actually wanted me to write it for her, it wasn't getting done, so they needed to pull their own fingers out and help her.

It may be the tack you need to take with her teacher.

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 11:28

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:24

Well you do you. My other children are successfully working and successfully starting at a decent uni, i feel i have parented all 3 of my children to the best of my abilities, and if they come to me asking for help, they will get it.

Show quote history

You aren’t helping.

RobinHeartella · 05/05/2025 11:27

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:21

Seriously, she wants to do it, she feels she needs to do it, she has sat crying hysterically at me for hours and hours because she cant draw a picture that looks like a photo that her teachers has told her she HAS to include in her project. So i shelved it and helped her focus on teh other elements, now we have circled back to this one bloody drawing. Im trying to help her figure out how she can achieve what she believes, wholeheartedly, she has to achieve. Im not making these decisions, she is, and asking for my help.

Show quote history

What she needs is reassurance that it doesn't matter. Because let's be honest, it really really doesn't matter. She could withdraw from the whole art gcse and it wouldn't make a jot of difference to her future.

You scrambling around to do as much of it for her, that you can plausibly get away with, is teaching her that 1) "this really, really matters! This is crucial! Panicking is justified!" 2) "You can't do it yourself because you have adhd, you poor thing, you need my help, you are helpless."

Teach her to shrug it off. You are doing the opposite, you're feeding her anxiety about it.

Swiftie1878 · 05/05/2025 11:26

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:18

Have you ever dealt with autism/adhd in teenagers? Its not enabling craziness. Its how her brain is wired. Ive already said many times im not giving her my sketch to use in the project, but that still leaves her stressing over a drawing that in her brain she absolutely has to complete well enough it looks like the person she is drawing. There is no alternative for her at the minute.

Show quote history

This is enabling craziness. You are practically doing her work for her. The assessment is supposed to be of what your child can do, not her parent. You have micromanaged ALL of her coursework , and now even have her tracing your work to include as her final piece.
If she can’t do it, she can’t do it, and her grade will reflect that. It’s not the end of the world.
You continue like this and you’re going to end up doing her Y13 exams too. None of her achievements will feel like her own, and it’s catastrophic for self esteem.
Stop it. Please.

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 11:26

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:21

Seriously, she wants to do it, she feels she needs to do it, she has sat crying hysterically at me for hours and hours because she cant draw a picture that looks like a photo that her teachers has told her she HAS to include in her project. So i shelved it and helped her focus on teh other elements, now we have circled back to this one bloody drawing. Im trying to help her figure out how she can achieve what she believes, wholeheartedly, she has to achieve. Im not making these decisions, she is, and asking for my help.

Show quote history

Then as a parent rather than doing her work - something that you cannot facilitate life long - you should be teaching her regulation strategies instead. Helping her walk away etc.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 05/05/2025 11:25

Yes, supporting your child with SEN is intense and exhausting and when you're putting in so much effort it's easy to get to a point where you're so fixed on getting the child through this one exam right now that you cross a line and forget the longer term effect on her. Doing too much is making her dependent on you and unsure of her own abilities. Short term comfort, long term pain.

The most important thing you can do for DD is to let her submit all her own work and all the work she has done. That's even more important than pass or fail.

Have you ever dealt with autism/adhd in teenagers?

Yes 😀And in university students. Students whose parents do too much for them have a tough time later. It's a difficult balance and as a parent I wouldn't say I always got it right myself - it's easy to get caught up in our child's hyperfocus!

If she hasn't done a big drawing, well they'll have to mark the drawings she has done. As a pp has said she wont be the only one. And in my experience of marking just in handing in something - anything! - gets you a few marks. Maybe see if she'll put a couple of lines on a big piece of paper and tell her it'll do to hand in. And with any luck it'll get her over the hump and she'll do a bit more for herself. But if not, never mind.

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:25

Ahsheeit · 05/05/2025 11:23

Ask someone with a printer to print it for you.

Draw a 12 square grid on the printout, and do the same on her paper.

She can then draw a grid at a time, which is more manageable task wise than looking at the whole picture.

Fellow autism/ADHDer here. This method follows the recommendation to break tasks down into several simple ones. It makes the metaphorical wall easier to circumnavigate.

This is the route were are now taking, but with my sketch not a print out. She is currently sat at her desk on facetime with her art class friends attempting it.

OP posts:

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:24

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 11:21

Yes. I have. And the reality is you’re still crossing the line here and setting up for huge issues down the line.

Show quote history

Well you do you. My other children are successfully working and successfully starting at a decent uni, i feel i have parented all 3 of my children to the best of my abilities, and if they come to me asking for help, they will get it.

OP posts:

Ahsheeit · 05/05/2025 11:23

Ask someone with a printer to print it for you.

Draw a 12 square grid on the printout, and do the same on her paper.

She can then draw a grid at a time, which is more manageable task wise than looking at the whole picture.

Fellow autism/ADHDer here. This method follows the recommendation to break tasks down into several simple ones. It makes the metaphorical wall easier to circumnavigate.

Cosyblankets · 05/05/2025 11:21

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:39

Its not exam piece, its the prject leading up to it, which the teachers have given plenty of direction on, and shes done all the work up until now. She just cant draw a face that looks realistic.

Show quote history

If she can't do it she can't do it and her grade will reflect this.
Sorry but no

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:21

RobinHeartella · 05/05/2025 11:18

Can you really not see this as micromanaging? I'm not creating a narrative that doesn't exist, I'm reading the narrative you are telling us.

You're making your own sketch.
You're drawing a grid.
Copy this honey!
Oh don't you want to do that?
OK go buy some tracing paper!
Trace my sketch!

It's just a really high level of over-involvement in a child's art project.

As I said, I don't think this is good for her self esteem. Just let her do it her way, let her learn to problem solve.

I really doubt one sketch would make the difference of a grade anyway. You say she is hyperfixated on it, but your attitude isn't helping. If she doesn't want to do this sketch, let her not do it! It sounds like it wouldn't be in her own style anyway

Show quote history

Seriously, she wants to do it, she feels she needs to do it, she has sat crying hysterically at me for hours and hours because she cant draw a picture that looks like a photo that her teachers has told her she HAS to include in her project. So i shelved it and helped her focus on teh other elements, now we have circled back to this one bloody drawing. Im trying to help her figure out how she can achieve what she believes, wholeheartedly, she has to achieve. Im not making these decisions, she is, and asking for my help.

OP posts:

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 11:21

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:18

Have you ever dealt with autism/adhd in teenagers? Its not enabling craziness. Its how her brain is wired. Ive already said many times im not giving her my sketch to use in the project, but that still leaves her stressing over a drawing that in her brain she absolutely has to complete well enough it looks like the person she is drawing. There is no alternative for her at the minute.

Show quote history

Yes. I have. And the reality is you’re still crossing the line here and setting up for huge issues down the line.

Azdcgbjml · 05/05/2025 11:20

If she is caught cheating it will not only get her disqualified from that GCSE but also from others with the same exam board and she would likely be barred from resitting them for a number of years. There could also be consequences for the school as an exam centre.

It's not worth the risk. It would be better to just not do that drawing than to cheat.

Mum of an autistic/ADHD daughter who did art GCSE and really struggled. And TA to ND students also really struggling with it. It's a really tough GCSE for them to do.

Are you planning to give her this level of support for the rest of her life? I know it is hard, especially when they have these extra struggles, but ultimately we need to be encouraging independence. That includes letting them mess things up sometimes. It's possible that you fussing around her will be escalating her anxiety about it. Perhaps making sure she has what she needs to do it herself, then walking away and leaving her to it, might help her to be more productive? Just check in on her now and then and make encouraging noises.

Whatsitreallylike · 05/05/2025 11:19

My mum didn’t involve herself AT ALL in my school work. Not even proof reading. I took accountability very young and am thriving. I have 6 figure salary in a senior professional role, I did very well throughout school etc… you get the idea. (I’m ADHD, diagnosed through school in 2005)
A close friend of mine, who’s mum was over involved, organised everything for her child and ‘helped’ her with school work. That girl was predicted good grades and did well at school, mediocre at 6th form and dropped out of uni. She couldn’t cope, because she had never been given the opportunity to do It for herself.

Don’t take your child’s independence from them, it will only harm them.

RobinHeartella · 05/05/2025 11:18

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 10:03

Whilst she has been out doing her paper rounds, ive drawn a grid over my drawing, for her to be able to use to copy on to a grid she draws, as like i said, the image was on a screen, and this one i have done is atleast the size she needs it to be and she is able to move it around and try different angles etc. im going to suggest this, although my drawing is far from perfect, and if she doesnt like that idea, or it doesnt go to plan, she can pop out and get something to trace, if that doesnt work, ill just have to try and encourage her to draw a line under this project, submit it how it is, have a movie night, and start on her revision as best we can tomorrow.

Thank you to all those who posted helpful advice without judgement, all im trying to do is help her the best i know how to help her.

Edited

Can you really not see this as micromanaging? I'm not creating a narrative that doesn't exist, I'm reading the narrative you are telling us.

You're making your own sketch.
You're drawing a grid.
Copy this honey!
Oh don't you want to do that?
OK go buy some tracing paper!
Trace my sketch!

It's just a really high level of over-involvement in a child's art project.

As I said, I don't think this is good for her self esteem. Just let her do it her way, let her learn to problem solve.

I really doubt one sketch would make the difference of a grade anyway. You say she is hyperfixated on it, but your attitude isn't helping. If she doesn't want to do this sketch, let her not do it! It sounds like it wouldn't be in her own style anyway

Original poster

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:18

Swiftie1878 · 05/05/2025 11:15

Well, she’ll have no choice.
Don’t enable this craziness. Cheating is cheating. You need to teach her that lesson rather than doing her work for her.

Show quote history

Have you ever dealt with autism/adhd in teenagers? Its not enabling craziness. Its how her brain is wired. Ive already said many times im not giving her my sketch to use in the project, but that still leaves her stressing over a drawing that in her brain she absolutely has to complete well enough it looks like the person she is drawing. There is no alternative for her at the minute.

OP posts:

Squr123 · 05/05/2025 11:17

I am not sure if you have decided on a solution.
I am sorry I can't catch up with the thread ...
But I would do it OP ...
I have ASD and ADHD and I remember vividly my mum doing the same for me for my art class when I was 12. School is very difficult and so overwhelming for me. I never grew to expect the help.. I have a phd and was top of my year at a RG uni for undergrad so It clearly didn't do me any harm ( degree is not in art obviously)

Perx · 05/05/2025 11:16

My first thought was that is absolutely cheating, but if your DD is struggling, becoming anxious, hyperfixating on this one little drawing amongst a hundred others within the course work, then a little bit of help must be OK surely. It's only like a History or English project getting read through by a parent, who then suggests a better adjective or points out a spelling or grammatical error.
It's not like you've sat and done all of the work whilst she is out with her mates. Although I see the moral dilemma, this is eating you up, and eating your DD up, it's a small thing, done out of love to protect her. I think it's absolutely OK in the circumstances. X x

Swiftie1878 · 05/05/2025 11:15

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:13

This is easy to say, its not easy to convince a child hyperfocussing on one element, that this isnt even going to affect her grade, she will likely still pass at her predicted grade. It really isnt as simple as telling her to just submit it, thats not how her mind works.

Show quote history

Well, she’ll have no choice.
Don’t enable this craziness. Cheating is cheating. You need to teach her that lesson rather than doing her work for her.