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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do my daughters GCSE course work?

387 replies

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:28

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

OP posts:
DaftOldBiddy · 05/05/2025 13:40

I was astounded when I found out my friends routinely helped their children with marked work. Two of them secondary teachers. So you are not alone.

However, YABU, as were they. You are giving your child an adbantage - cheating - against other children who don't have parents to help or whose parents won't help. It leads, eventually, to more and more pressure on all children as the expectations become to work at adult level.

Step back. Let her fail in the moment. Support her to understand why that it won't matter in the long term.

P.s. Autistic-ADHD child and autistic partner here, so I know the struggle.

Iwilladmit · 05/05/2025 13:32

OP you sound like a great mum. Give her the sketch. Support your child as you know her best x

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/05/2025 13:21

Onetwothreefourfivealive · 05/05/2025 13:14

It’s cheating end of

It's life and pragmatism (and not that uncommon) - end of

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/05/2025 13:20

QuickPeachPoet · 05/05/2025 09:38

No way! It’s cheating. She needs to learn to get things done by the deadline and not have temper tantrums and screw things up. That won’t be tolerated in the workplace. She will just get fired.

It's a bit of a leap that a trivial portrait the OP heavily steered/created is going to a lifetime of screwed upness and getting fired

Onetwothreefourfivealive · 05/05/2025 13:14

It’s cheating end of

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/05/2025 13:14

ChampagneLassie · 05/05/2025 09:03

This post nails it. Just let her submit what she has. A poor art grade won’t matter. You can’t save her forever

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OP is not trying to save her forever - just helping nudge her over a line that finishes in 24 hours and enabling daughter to focus on her work without the unnecessary distraction and hyper focus on this portrait/one element

mondaytosunday · 05/05/2025 13:14

@Maray1967and @moanafanmy recollection of DD’s GCSE is they had a themed sketch book that was separate to the exams. This included start to finish projects, and the preliminary planning for the examination piece, plus artist research etc. I think something in this is what the OP might be referring to?
OP I believe it’s important to show drawings where it didn’t work out - you then annotate what was learned from the exercise. The proportions off? Recognise that and explain it. That sort of thing. Encourage your DD to see those drawings as learning opportunities and to be included as such. Do not do the work - it already seems like you are doing too much (the research, the planning, the laying out). This is her course, and she should be graded on her ability. Progression is a big part of the grade isn’t it? Seeing how her rough ideas and planning allows her to produce well thought out pieces? This will not happen if you do much of this work for her.
I think too many believe Art is a less intensive alternative when it really isn’t, there is a ton of work involved. I hope she gets it done.

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 13:11

Isn't that what Prince Harry did with his A Levels? Got the nanny to draw his pictures for him?

You will be doing her a massive disservice in life by doing this.

It's art. They'll know she can't do it well as soon as they see her working. They'll probably be able to tell it's not her work.

She could get kicked out of the exam for plagiarism. How would you feel then?

She'd be getting a place at art college deserved more by another kid. Bang out of order.

Brickiscool · 05/05/2025 13:08

It's one tiny picture. Just do it and don't worry. But hopefully once she sees your not brilliant attempt she'll realise hers doesn't have to be perfect and just copy yours.

UnbeatenMum · 05/05/2025 13:00

I think the support you gave her to organise herself was fine, obviously not ok to include your own work as this could mean she's disqualified from all her GCSEs for cheating. Much better to get a lower grade for Art. I also think it might be good to be clear to her that the teacher has advised this drawing to help her get the best grade possible, but she will still get a grade if she doesn't do it. It may not even be a lower grade depending on the rest of her work. She can choose to include something she's not completely happy with or not to do that picture at all and she won't fail, it's not all or nothing.

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 12:59

Of course everyone isn’t at it, not sure what that poster was on about. Of course some do. Frankly if one of my kids asked me to help with a university essay I’d tell them to save their money and leave uni. Why get into a load of debt if you don’t have the ability or motivation to do the work?

I guess some helicopter parents take it to next level and can’t butt out and let their kids stand on their own two feet. I was far too busy with my own life and career to do their life for them!

BingoBling · 05/05/2025 12:57

No. Allegedly my eldest dcs art teacher was sacked for helping the students with their projects...

Choconuttolata · 05/05/2025 12:55

I think you have a plan now that will work with the grid.

My autistic DD1 also hyperfixated and stressed over the portrait sketch needed for her Art GCSE as she couldn't get the perspective right, so DH (also autistic) showed her how to get the right angle for the perspective using a grid and then she managed to do it herself.

Support and adapting the process when you have a stressed out ND child is not cheating. You know your child.

I hope that she can finish it and move beyond this today. She just needs to do her best it doesn't need to be perfect. It is hard I know to convince them as they can get very rigid ideas about getting it just the same as what they are copying. DS is also autistic and such a perfectionist, he gives up if any of his work doesn't look exactly right.

DrPrunesqualer · 05/05/2025 12:54

Sundappledlawn · 05/05/2025 11:34

Blimey - you really don’t need to stress out so much. It’s one little sketch, just give it to her. Everybody cheats in these exams. I know people whose parents have literally made their puppets/model houses etc. for inclusion in coursework. I know people who’ve rewritten university level essays for their kids! It’s not right, but everyone’s at it I promise you.

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No
They aren’t !

Thank goodness coursework for GCSEs is being removed if this is what everyone is up to.
Hopefully art will go back to being how it used to be. For mine I had to sit in the art room and produce all work under timed conditions. Maybe this will stop the cheats if, as you say, everyone does it at the moment.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/05/2025 12:50

ocelot3 · 05/05/2025 07:38

As someone with a DC with adhd I have done this. Frankly, working in this field and knowing the variation of help for students between one school and another, variation in the standard of what goes on in schools, and variations in marking nationally, I would say don’t stress and just work with her to get the job done. It’s one tiny part of a bigger picture. When you think of the variation in advantage that goes on between different children in different schools from different households along with access to tutors, the playing field is very far from level! The only issue is if she or you says anything to the school to raise this as an issue. It’s a nightmare for students working against the tide with SEN trying to get things like this done at home. I would say take the stress off this time and support. Maybe suggest ‘let’s try it this way and if you then want to do it yourself afterwards then you can do’ if you then feel more confident’ to ensure it is has been ‘her decision’. Then she at least has some something to hand in.

Yep - spot on (though 70% don't agree...)

Pomegranatecarnage · 05/05/2025 12:49

It’s malpractice. Cheating, basically. There’s no excuse.

AnxietySloth · 05/05/2025 12:48

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:40

because they are all now screwed up and binned after she got very upset trying to do it yesterday.

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Then she needs to learn that if you have a temper tantrum and throw your work in the bin you need to start again or fail.

You do her absolutely no favours by doing it for her. You teach her that someone will always run to her rescue. And you can't always. You can't go to her work and meet that deadline for her. It's worse later if they don't learn earlier. Plus of course you teach her that morals don't matter.

Mother of severely SEN child here so I do sympathise, but this is NOT kindness.

MigGril · 05/05/2025 12:48

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:39

Its not exam piece, its the prject leading up to it, which the teachers have given plenty of direction on, and shes done all the work up until now. She just cant draw a face that looks realistic.

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It really doesn't matter how well or realistic your daughter can draw it though. Art GCSE and A level aren't really market on talent anymore, DD's done both and been frustrated how some students who can't draw can actually get higher mark's as it all about doing the research and content and not as much on actually how good at art you are. I assume they have done this so that you don't have to be a brilliant artist to get a reasonable mark. It can however be frustrating for those who are good at the art and not as good with all the notation stuff.

I wouldn't do it for her, she just needs to have another go at it and submit what she can.

Parents doing to much course work for students is one of the reasons why we now have GCSE's that are heavily exam based. But it's not ideal for everyone.

DrPrunesqualer · 05/05/2025 12:47

Darkambergingerlily · 05/05/2025 11:43

My mum helped me with mine (told me what to write for the captions and helped me mount the words and stick in the book). I did all the artwork though (I was fairly good and she would have been pants!) but I’m always grateful as she helped me finish when I was dragging my heels with the details. And I got an a*

But if she was telling you what to write then it was partially her work too.
Can people ever feel a grade is truly theirs when it’s the work of more than one.

OP needs to encourage her daughter to complete the work herself

PermanentTemporary · 05/05/2025 12:44

A friend of mine effectively did large chunks of the GCSEs of her autistic son. I was shocked at the time but ten years later in his mid 20s he is coming into his adult self, starting to be able to access relevant courses and building a career in something he loves. GCSEs at 16 were simply too early for him but getting them allowed him to stay in education until he matured. So no judgement here.

DrPrunesqualer · 05/05/2025 12:43

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 12:37

I accidentally voted the wrong way!

YABU. Honestly, the young people I know who failed at exams, learnt from it, and went on to do better.

The ones who were ‘saved’ when they failed ( got into Uni through clearing, had parents who did their work for them, had contacts to pull on when the young person failed to do their own research etc) never learnt from going through failure, and went on to fail badly later in life ( such as failing their degrees as they never learnt from fucking up their A levels).

It’s better she fails at this and learns from it, than she fails at something important later down the line.

Spot on post 👏👏

DrPrunesqualer · 05/05/2025 12:42

No OP this is cheating.
Find whatever previous attempts she has made and encourage her to complete those.
Or submit them as they are.
Youstated it wouldn’t make much difference to the grade so there’s no need for you to be showing her cheating is acceptable.
Let her grade be just that……Hers

Whooowhooohoo · 05/05/2025 12:40

If you want to feel less bad -
be sure “lessons are learned” and that you don’t be doing this again.

Be sure child is clear you will Support and not be doing.

Magentaflies · 05/05/2025 12:37

I accidentally voted the wrong way!

YABU. Honestly, the young people I know who failed at exams, learnt from it, and went on to do better.

The ones who were ‘saved’ when they failed ( got into Uni through clearing, had parents who did their work for them, had contacts to pull on when the young person failed to do their own research etc) never learnt from going through failure, and went on to fail badly later in life ( such as failing their degrees as they never learnt from fucking up their A levels).

It’s better she fails at this and learns from it, than she fails at something important later down the line.

telestrations · 05/05/2025 12:24

I would rescue her attempts, possibly iron them and submit them

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