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Original poster

To do my daughters GCSE course work?

387 replies

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:28

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

OP posts:
HangingOver · 05/05/2025 23:21

BatChops1 · 05/05/2025 23:05

All I’m saying is that I was absolutely delighted to get a distinction for a piece of history homework I did for my son back in the day …

Edited

I wrote four other people's English creative writing coursework when I was at school. No fucker noticed, even when a boy predicted Ds submitted an A* piece of coursework.

SomeDanceToForget · 05/05/2025 23:17

BatChops1 · 05/05/2025 23:05

All I’m saying is that I was absolutely delighted to get a distinction for a piece of history homework I did for my son back in the day …

Edited

Well done . 😂🥳

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 23:15

Well done to.your dd op. You are a great mum. I am sure you will help her develop resilience and drop her perfectionist tendencies.
I am a recovering perfectionist. It makes everything much harder and not enjoyable.
Enjoy your new hobby.

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 23:09

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 11:30

Really can’t see the point of this thread. You’ve decided exactly what you’re going to do and are justifying going beyond support and actually doing tasks/ parts of tasks for her. Presumably you’re also going to encourage her to sign the document confirming the work is entirely her own.

cool. Your decision. I preferred to support not do the work for my Neuro divergent child. I feel it’s preferable to model honesty and to foster resilience and acceptance, not easy with a child who gets overwhelmed and has meltdowns but better to learn this lesson in a safe environment at home, with a loving parent, than when they’re out in the big wide world of university or work.

But as I say, if you’ve decided what you’re going to do for your daughter’s work, there’s little point in continuing the thread

Op has said a few posts before she is not going to help dd with coursework.

Reason she is replying to posters criticising her parenting is because perhaps it is a sensitive topic fot her with no black and white rights and wrongs.

How do you know she is going to make dd falsely sign? Develop some perspective so you can understand complexity of human emotions rather than use them to predict their actions.

BatChops1 · 05/05/2025 23:05

All I’m saying is that I was absolutely delighted to get a distinction for a piece of history homework I did for my son back in the day …

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 22:54

Whatsitreallylike · 05/05/2025 11:19

My mum didn’t involve herself AT ALL in my school work. Not even proof reading. I took accountability very young and am thriving. I have 6 figure salary in a senior professional role, I did very well throughout school etc… you get the idea. (I’m ADHD, diagnosed through school in 2005)
A close friend of mine, who’s mum was over involved, organised everything for her child and ‘helped’ her with school work. That girl was predicted good grades and did well at school, mediocre at 6th form and dropped out of uni. She couldn’t cope, because she had never been given the opportunity to do It for herself.

Don’t take your child’s independence from them, it will only harm them.

Everybody is different. There is a poster a few posts above whose mum helped and she still managed to do PHD on her own. There are other factors which add to a child's resilience or make them unable to cope rather than a parent willing to help when child struggles.
Maybe her dd will learn distress tolerance over time, maybe she will also realise how caring her mum have been and this would motivate her.
Op is not doing dd's school work anyways.

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 22:47

Swiftie1878 · 05/05/2025 11:15

Well, she’ll have no choice.
Don’t enable this craziness. Cheating is cheating. You need to teach her that lesson rather than doing her work for her.

Show quote history

Yoy are applying rules of nuerotypical to NTs. This girl has done a lot of hardwork towards her coursework. She is not a cheater. Her mother did not do her work. Mother is not telling her dd that it's better to cheat than to do her won work. Dd is hyperfocusedd on finishing this task which is causing her to not focus on more important tasks.

Even in real adult world, people sometimes get additional support. Education system is anyway old and not fair to all. Also, don't understand the difference between tracing the outline of image versus someone making the outline for you. In both approaches, artist is getting help and not solely relying on their talent. Tracing is also advantage over a person doubt free hand drawing but for some reason that it allowed.

Op has agreed to not do drawing for her dd but some posters still want to judge op and her parenting while completely ignoring the circumstances.

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 22:32

User79853257976 · 05/05/2025 11:03

Everyone has some level of anxiety, it doesn’t mean you can cheat.

Show quote history

Cheating is not right but not all anxieties are equal.

Some anxieties are debilitating while others more manageable.

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 22:29

ThinWomansBrain · 05/05/2025 11:01

She needs to do the task herself
Spend a while looking at less conventional portraits with her online
Who knows - she might find attempting something in the style of Picasso more fun.

Teacher wants a realistic image.

Trendyname · 05/05/2025 22:29

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 11:03

So if she’s managed every other part of the project up to now and it’s one picture she’s struggling with, then tbh she’s probably done a lot better overall than some others. In the cohort there are likely to be kids (whether ND or NT) who hand in incomplete work, rushed work, don’t meet the brief accurately…
Some kids won’t have had any encouragement at home and may not be given the time and calm environment to get work done. Sad but true.

so once again, this is about keeping it in perspective. It’s one part of a project which she can’t do. She may still get a decent ish grade or she may not - but the important thing is that she will have done what she’s able to do, within the parameters of her capacity.

Doing things for her isn’t the answer. Support: absolutely. support by providing the time, space, peace and quiet for her to work at home, by encouraging her that her best effort is enough. Yes she’ll probably ignore that because kids tend to not listen to what their mum says. But just quietly and without being patronising, keep reassuring that it’s ok to find things hard. It’s really important that she learns at this stage that letting someone else actually do the work for her isn’t helpful.

Op understands this but her dd does not. She is fixated at finishing this portrait like a true copy of an album cover.

Op had already said several posts back that she won't do any drawing for her dd.

Do you have any tip for OP to convince her dd?

notwavingbutsinking · 05/05/2025 21:36

Ah that's a brilliant update OP, I'm so glad your DD was able to focus today and get it done. Well done for supporting her so well.

I'm sure you already to this anyway but make sure you encourage her to reflect on how well she has done to overcome a really difficult situation, and to think about what she has learned from the experience that she could put to use again next time. Because yes you provided support but ultimately it was her that made it happen, and it's really important that that's what she takes away from it.

Hopefully you'll both be sleeping better tonight!

Perx · 05/05/2025 18:54

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 17:44

Well she did both ways, the grid and the tracing. Shes written a little bit about the technique used and what she found better, and why she is happy/unhappy with the result. They are both great but traced one turned out really good, she put alot more time into the shading on that one (in my somewhat biased opinion). Shes not completely happy, of course, but ive explained as best i can what people have suggested that she needs to explain the processes and reflect to get the marks, not just produce a photocopy of an image.

Whilst she was doing the traced one, i erased the grid off mine and shaded it myself, possibly why she spent longer on that picture as i was doing it with her, and asking for her tips. It was quite therapeutic and all though it looks slightly (completely) like a face thats been flattened, i enjoyed it, might have found myself a new hobby from this very stressful few weeks.

Thanks again for the helpful replies and the advice on how she could do better. Im going to try some myself with her now discarded art supplies.

I think you sound like a lovely, enthusiastic helpful mama. My parents did precisely zero to help me for exams, just eyerolled at me after when I didn't get all A grades! Ha ha. I hope I am as patient and well meaning and caring when my ASD daughter gets to exam age. In the big scheme of things nobody cares what exam grades you get in GCSE once you're an adult so I hope she can get some relief from this stressful time. Knowing her DM is always on her team will help. X x x

DreamedTheSweetestDreams · 05/05/2025 17:57

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 17:44

Well she did both ways, the grid and the tracing. Shes written a little bit about the technique used and what she found better, and why she is happy/unhappy with the result. They are both great but traced one turned out really good, she put alot more time into the shading on that one (in my somewhat biased opinion). Shes not completely happy, of course, but ive explained as best i can what people have suggested that she needs to explain the processes and reflect to get the marks, not just produce a photocopy of an image.

Whilst she was doing the traced one, i erased the grid off mine and shaded it myself, possibly why she spent longer on that picture as i was doing it with her, and asking for her tips. It was quite therapeutic and all though it looks slightly (completely) like a face thats been flattened, i enjoyed it, might have found myself a new hobby from this very stressful few weeks.

Thanks again for the helpful replies and the advice on how she could do better. Im going to try some myself with her now discarded art supplies.

Glad it’s all done OP. I’m sure your daughter will look back and appreciate what a loving and supportive mum she has. Good luck to her in the rest of her exams.

Oceangrey · 05/05/2025 17:51

Well done! Sounds like a good result and I'm glad you enjoyed it too.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 17:44

Well she did both ways, the grid and the tracing. Shes written a little bit about the technique used and what she found better, and why she is happy/unhappy with the result. They are both great but traced one turned out really good, she put alot more time into the shading on that one (in my somewhat biased opinion). Shes not completely happy, of course, but ive explained as best i can what people have suggested that she needs to explain the processes and reflect to get the marks, not just produce a photocopy of an image.

Whilst she was doing the traced one, i erased the grid off mine and shaded it myself, possibly why she spent longer on that picture as i was doing it with her, and asking for her tips. It was quite therapeutic and all though it looks slightly (completely) like a face thats been flattened, i enjoyed it, might have found myself a new hobby from this very stressful few weeks.

Thanks again for the helpful replies and the advice on how she could do better. Im going to try some myself with her now discarded art supplies.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 05/05/2025 17:15

MellowPinkDeer · 05/05/2025 07:35

All you’re teaching her is she can give up, someone else will fix it and there is no reason to bother

Exactly.

What else do you enable, what else do you pick up that she can just not do? what are you "teaching" her?

Mummadeze · 05/05/2025 16:42

People are being so over the top on this thread. As the mother of a Year 11 autistic daughter, am surprised you asked on here and didn’t just do it. I totally sympathise, it is just the hardest time and it sounds like your child has done so well to do so much work without much help already.

FiveBarGate · 05/05/2025 16:39

@LolaLouise hope you found a solution.

I really wouldn't worry. I had to make a jigsaw for woodwork. My sister drew it, dad cut it out and my mother painted it.

I have a first class degree in science and a post grad- no one has ever asked me to demonstrate my GCSE woodwork skills or lack of them.

It freed me up to do the project based work and the courses that really mattered.

If she wanted to be an artist or take art a level it would be different but she just needs to get it done and it will count for a very small fraction of her overall mark.

Reduce the stress in your house over something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life.

Whyherewego · 05/05/2025 16:17

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:37

Hang on - art teachers on this post have suggested light boxes, methods of tracing, etc etc. I gave her this with a grid, if that doesnt work, to get tracing paper to trace it off a screen, i didnt say trace the sketch i had done. But even so, even if i had, how is tracing off a screen of the photo NOT cheating, but traciing of a shit sktech i have done cheating? either way its tracing, which is either considered ok, or not. It cant be both.

Show quote history

OP, I suggest you leave this thread

Honestly everyone is helping their kids in different ways. You have a way forward with the grid which is helping but not cheating. Ignore all the rest now !

gattocattivo · 05/05/2025 16:00

I’m sure the OP will too :)

Darkambergingerlily · 05/05/2025 15:39

DrPrunesqualer · 05/05/2025 12:47

But if she was telling you what to write then it was partially her work too.
Can people ever feel a grade is truly theirs when it’s the work of more than one.

OP needs to encourage her daughter to complete the work herself

Show quote history

I feel my grade :) and happily

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 05/05/2025 15:25

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:37

The deadline for their projects is this coming friday, however her last art lesson is tomorrow so the teacher wants them all finished for then. Her exams was 2 weeks before the deadline.

Show quote history

Yes but, (another invigilator and former teacher) final piece coursework, after the exam, should not leave school. We had some students taken out of lessons last week in order to finish it up in lessons. The teachers are not allowed any input apart from technical help, no matter what their ability, sen or anything, so a parent helping would similarly be cheating. And if your “style” is identifiably different to your dds, and the moderator, teacher or exams officer notices, she could be disqualified.

CodandChipz · 05/05/2025 15:02

As I said DD is doing GCSE art. Her teacher is more than happy for them to use light boxes, transfer paper, photocopying to get the work done. There is no skills requirement to do art GCSE so they just need to be able to get work done.

I also did Art GCSE and a level. Coursework we took home, final piece timed under exam conditions. That hasn’t changed.

OneFunBrickNewt · 05/05/2025 14:44

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 11:07

I also took her to the theatre to see one of the plays she was doing for english lit as the book was too overwhelming for her to read.

I also listened to her English speaking exam speech about 500 times and offered suggestions on which bits were too long so she could get it to the right time and organised it so it flowed.

Ive read out 1000s of flash card science questions and corrected her when the answer was wrong.

Ive told her how i used to write equation on the bare chests of boy band members on posters in the 90s so i could remember each one connected to a different semi naked man in my exams

Ive listened to her french speaking exam more times than i care to remember to the point i think im learning french by osmosis since i knew about 4 words before then

i bought countless revision guides and sat with her going through them. Reading bits out loud for her to make her own notes and do little pictures for.

you may chose to parent differently, but this is how i parent and support my child. If that gives her an advantage so be it. But none of that diminishes her efforts. Nor does me writing a few dates out.

Show quote history

I think all of the things you've said in this post are lovely, thoughtful and helping your own child- I wish some of the parents of the children I teach took such an active role in their children's education. I do think doing the artwork is a step too far- this is cheating, albeit with the best of intentions (it's still cheating). The support listed in this post is just that- support- whereas doing the work is cheating.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 05/05/2025 14:20

What meds is she on

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