Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do my daughters GCSE course work?

387 replies

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:28

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

OP posts:
McCheck · 05/05/2025 08:04

you’re in so deep managing her work. She’s not learning to stand on her own two feet like this. You’re writing a very long explanation on why what you’re doing is okay.

Your daughter is cheating and you’re teaching her to cheat

Sunbline · 05/05/2025 08:03

Good you've decided not to, it's honestly not worth it.

Leave it out, layer the discarded attempts into a statement piece (confusion/multi layer of man/woman), i was diagnosed with ADHD at secondary school and it used to help me when I was in this sort of spital to set a timer and know whatever was produced at the end was it.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2025 08:02

MellowPinkDeer · 05/05/2025 07:35

All you’re teaching her is she can give up, someone else will fix it and there is no reason to bother

This. What's the point?

UnkindlyMay · 05/05/2025 08:01

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:56

Im going to have to send her to town alone to get something i think, i cant walk at the minute, and the only A4 paper we have left is thick watercolour or card. I dont have a printer or anything, the little local shop may have baking paper so ill get her to stop there first.

Could you/she ask a neighbour or a school friend or a local Facebook page for thin paper or baking paper? Someone will be near enough to help.

Eatinghabits86 · 05/05/2025 08:01

Sorry SEN is no excuse for this. If she can't do the work then she fails. She is just a couple of years from the real world, how is she going to cope if this is what you're teaching her?

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:00

The worst thing you can do is handhold her through this- that will make her feel very overwhelmed. Leave her ADHD brain to to what it does best. If you had left her to it her mind would likely have worked out a masterpiece at the last minute but now all your research will be added to the noise in her brain and confusing her because it’s not her work.

I know you’re trying to help but your input has likely caused some panic freeze. Regardless, cheating isn’t cool. Leave her alone - she’ll get it done. It might not be in a way you like but that’s just ADHD for you.

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 08:00

Just seen you only have watercolour paper. Graphite transfer should work.

Apreslapluielesoleil · 05/05/2025 08:00

Get dd to finish one you’ve helped with. Get as much done today as she can do and submit. There’s only so much stress kids can take over this.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2025 07:59

Absolutely not. My dd has ADHD. Her coursework marks have all been appalling. I would a million times rather she gets a lower mark for a gcse and learns that actually starting something which takes 4 hours ten minutes before it’s due in, doesn’t work. That will help her more in life than me (or someone else) doing it for her when she hasn’t put a strategy in place to get it done.

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 07:58

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:52

Ok its clear i cant give her this drawing. Thank you. I will try and get her a way of tracing and hopefully she wakes up with a clearer head today. For clarity the research i did for her was just timelines, nothing about interpretation or anything, just basic information. The deadline for the project is def this week, we had a meeting about it in December when this project was starting and they were all told that the exam was 2 weeks before the deadline for the project. It was the same for her fist one, they sat the final piece exam just before the christmas break, and the project hand in date was when they went back in Jan.

See my above post. A graphite transfer might work instead of tracing.
If not, can you bring the original image up on a laptop (take a photo), change the contrast to make it bolder and kind of use it as a lightbox to get the base shapes and outlines. Once she had that she should be able to produce something (regardless of quality).

2025ishere · 05/05/2025 07:58

No because you are not teaching her lessons she needs to learn, such as perfectionism is unhelpful, something is better than nothing, good enough is good enough, achieving something hard feels good. You take away from her confidence in the long term if you accidentally teach her to give up.
Can she print out a photo of the person, put paper over it, normal A4? , and tape it to a window and she traces over it to get the bare bones?
I know it’s really hard to know how much help is too much moment by moment, and it is important to think of context (eg don’t help too much if it’s key knowledge they need for the next stage as if they can’t do it it’s better they fail now). But the ‘help don’t rescue’ mantra is good.

notwavingbutsinking · 05/05/2025 07:57

Ps you can also tell chatgpt what supplies you do and don't have, and ask it for clever ideas to get round the tracing issue.

notwavingbutsinking · 05/05/2025 07:57

Gosh I real feel for both you and your DD OP.

My suggestion would be to use ChatGPT. Explain the context to it fully (GCSE sketch demonstrating X, Y, Z as part of a project on A) and the struggles you DD is having and why. Ask it to break the task down into mirco steps. Like, really, really small steps. Also ask it for some encouraging words for your DD and will help her with the "I just need to get this done" thing and overcome the perfectionism.

Then give your DD these steps ONE AT A TIME. Do not let her see the full list so she doesn't get overwhelmed. Give her breaks when she needs it.

Good luck, its not easy.

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:56

Adver · 05/05/2025 07:54

Sorry if it has been mentioned but y9u can usually trace using normal A4 if you just put both images up on a window - there's usually enough light that you can see the image you're tracing.

Im going to have to send her to town alone to get something i think, i cant walk at the minute, and the only A4 paper we have left is thick watercolour or card. I dont have a printer or anything, the little local shop may have baking paper so ill get her to stop there first.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 05/05/2025 07:55

You know this is wrong, OP. You're trying to justify it to yourself because it's really hard to watch your child struggle. As an SEN parent myself I totally get that, but you can't just do it for her. If you do, she will always know and whether she shows it or not she will feel some degree of shame around it. Then there's the distinct possibility of her being found out, which is bound to be anxiety provoking. She just needs to do the best she can, and if it's not 'enough' then yes, it might be upsetting for her to fail but it's not the end of the world. She won't gain any sense of achievement or pride from a grade she knows she got by cheating.

Theroadt · 05/05/2025 07:55

I can see why you are temoted, and have huge sympathy, but it’s cheating - nonoyher word for it.

Adver · 05/05/2025 07:54

Sorry if it has been mentioned but y9u can usually trace using normal A4 if you just put both images up on a window - there's usually enough light that you can see the image you're tracing.

Soontobe60 · 05/05/2025 07:54

Maybe your DD just isn’t good enough at Art to do the work to a certain standard. That’s ok! Doing it for her is pretty despicable I’m afraid. You’re showing her that what she’s produced herself isn’t good enough, that you’ll happily cheat in order for her to get by. What an awful message to give her. Poor kid.

Kindnesscostsnothingtryit · 05/05/2025 07:53

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:46

Her predicted is a 4/5 yes, not a high grade at all.

Then I'd encourage her to have another go today and if she simply can't do it go with yours as a last resort. To be honest if she sees yours it might help her get started. Probably a bit late now but light boards are amazing for tracing, don't know if you'd get one in Argos quickly. amzn.eu/d/9voIOoo

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:52

Ok its clear i cant give her this drawing. Thank you. I will try and get her a way of tracing and hopefully she wakes up with a clearer head today. For clarity the research i did for her was just timelines, nothing about interpretation or anything, just basic information. The deadline for the project is def this week, we had a meeting about it in December when this project was starting and they were all told that the exam was 2 weeks before the deadline for the project. It was the same for her fist one, they sat the final piece exam just before the christmas break, and the project hand in date was when they went back in Jan.

OP posts:
HmmNot · 05/05/2025 07:51

Definitely not. If it’s better than her usual work, her teachers will smell a rat. You’ll also undermine her confidence in herself and the result at the end will feel hollow and empty, and feel like that for her whole life.

The support you’re giving her is plenty and more than most people will get.

Agix · 05/05/2025 07:51

No. She needs to learn that there are consequences to her action or inaction. I understand that it's mostly due to her ADHD that she couldn't focus on the portrait, but it's still something she has to learn to develop coping mechanisms for to help her actually get shit done, or coping mechanisms for the fallout if that's what happens.

I say that as someone with health conditions myself, that also impacted me in school. My parents didn't give a damn and did not help me. Yes, would've been "nice" if they did, but it was mkre valuable to me to understand how the world was going to react to me. It's not pleasant, but those are the hands we are dealt. We need to learn to live with them, and your daughter is at an age where learning will benefit.

This is your daughter's reality. She either finds a way to cope and do the portrait, or she doesn't and she has to understand that has consequences - whether her ADHD makes it harder or not. She's going to have to work one day, and you won't be able to be in her workplace for her.

Othersideofworld · 05/05/2025 07:51

Regarding thin paper to trace - do you have any baking paper?

Redpeach · 05/05/2025 07:50

The amount of work involved in the coursework is too much

TheSilentMajority · 05/05/2025 07:50

Do you have baking paper? You can substitute for tracing paper or WH Smith would prob be open today?
with the baking paper use a pen to get the outline of the drawing - turn over the baking paper and shade area with lead pencil - turn back over and place on white paper and follow pen outline again. By pressing with the pen onto the baking paper a faint pencil mark will be transferred to the white paper -
do two of these and suggest you both sit down together at the same table and do one each as a trial. Make sure she thinks of it as a trial - hopefully the ‘trial’ will turn into something useful for her portfolio