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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do my daughters GCSE course work?

387 replies

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:28

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

OP posts:
geoger · 05/05/2025 08:38

Uptome · 05/05/2025 08:31

Don’t feel you need to justify yourself OP. I totally understand what you are doing and why. You have good intentions and it’s admirable .

This.
You are just trying to help your child get through this extremely stressful time. In my view it’s not cheating, it’s not teaching your dd to give up on stuff and there’s def no need to report the teacher/school to JCQ.
It’s one drawing out of the very very many your dd did on her own for one subject out of the 10 she is doing.

Dodie66 · 05/05/2025 08:38

lovewinr123 Why don’t you get a picture of the person you are trying to draw. Do a grid of squares over it then do a similar grid on blank paper and draw what is in each square onto the paper. Hope that explains what I mean. A lot,of artists so that watch this video

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dszc7QiPMeA

Hermanfromguesswho · 05/05/2025 08:38

Life is so incredibly hard as a parent of a child with ADHD and autism. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, people with no experience of your life will not understand and will make judgments.
Id try my very best to use the sketch you’ve done as a launching pad to your daughter producing something of her own. Having the sketch there as a safety net in case she can’t do it may well be what she needs to be able to produce something herself with less pressure.
If you need to use the sketch though, just quietly use it and be kind to yourself about it.
your daughter has so many barriers to overcome to even get to the same starting point as the others. Giving her one bit of help here will just remove one of those barriers, not put her ahead.
as a fellow mum of a daughter with ADHD and autism, I see you. You are doing your best in a hard situation. You are a good Mum x

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:38

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:34

Because you know every teenager with ADHD and exactly how each and every one of them responds to help and the type of help they need? Because ADHD displays itself the exact same way in everyone and they should all be treated identically?

Yes of course.

But with all your “help” your daughter is still in the same place… it’s still undone right?

So maybe time to change methods. Has she genuinely failed to hand in a gcse coursework to date (even at the very last minute)? Why are you so convinced she wouldn’t get it done? She’s still 5 days out from the deadline- to most ADHD minds that plenty of time!

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:34

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:31

Do you have ADHD yourself? I do, and this isn’t how to support someone with ADHD. Unless you want to completely overwhelm them.

Because you know every teenager with ADHD and exactly how each and every one of them responds to help and the type of help they need? Because ADHD displays itself the exact same way in everyone and they should all be treated identically?

Yes of course.

OP posts:
Uptome · 05/05/2025 08:31

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:30

If i hadnt sat down with her to get it finished, it would still be unfinished now. She is ND, diagnosed, she needs additional support. And as her parent i will give her 100% of that support until she no longer needs it. Its not micromanaging an adult, its parenting a child with additional needs.

Don’t feel you need to justify yourself OP. I totally understand what you are doing and why. You have good intentions and it’s admirable .

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:31

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:30

If i hadnt sat down with her to get it finished, it would still be unfinished now. She is ND, diagnosed, she needs additional support. And as her parent i will give her 100% of that support until she no longer needs it. Its not micromanaging an adult, its parenting a child with additional needs.

Do you have ADHD yourself? I do, and this isn’t how to support someone with ADHD. Unless you want to completely overwhelm them.

QueenOfToast · 05/05/2025 08:31

This might not be helpful at all for GCSE level art, but if my non-artistic children ever needed to draw a copy of a picture or a photograph I used to get them to turn the original image upside down and just copy the lines/shading in the upside down image. When they turned their work the right way up they were often amazed that they’d managed to capture the shape of the dinosaur/tree/building so well. I think it’s something to do with the way your brain interprets known images versus abstract images. Anyway, if your daughter has a mental block about not being able to capture the image the way she wants, then maybe getting the outline in by using the upside down technique might help her.

Uptome · 05/05/2025 08:30

I also think with the current attitudes towards anyone with any kind of SEN/disability and work/benefits that you should do as much as you can to help your dd long term. Help her get the gcses because she needs to be in the best position with as many qualifications as possible for a potential future without the benefits safety net.

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:30

ConflictofInterest · 05/05/2025 08:25

I can see why but I think you've got completely lost in the detail and need to take a break from helping her and think about the bigger picture. You doing her work is absolutely pointless. So is micromanaging it all for her. She'll lose confidence this way.

If i hadnt sat down with her to get it finished, it would still be unfinished now. She is ND, diagnosed, she needs additional support. And as her parent i will give her 100% of that support until she no longer needs it. Its not micromanaging an adult, its parenting a child with additional needs.

OP posts:
geoger · 05/05/2025 08:29

OP you are just trying to support your daughter with one thing in one subject. If it means your dd can get this project done and then focus on the rest of her GCSE’s then let her use your drawing. You are not teaching her to cheat and you are not teaching her to give up - you are supporting her through a very stressful time with one small thing.
Schools across the country are meant to follow exam board guidelines on the administration and teaching of coursework. Some schools are really strict on this others are more flexible. I know from experience that some teachers go above and beyond to help their students secure a good grade.

MzHz · 05/05/2025 08:29

GCSEs are NOTHING like the exams I sat.

we had to study. Nowadays the kids are told exactly how to answer the questions as the markers/board want them to and if they deviate, they get the answer wrong.

@LolaLouise your dd isn’t doing anything with this art qualification, but if she passes it’s just a tick in the box to the next step.

my ds is 20-‘ and we’re on the other side of GCSEs and A levels, as long as your dd is ok with finishing this off, then go for it.

GCSEs are only important in that they pave the way to higher education.

we help our kids.

TheNightingalesStarling · 05/05/2025 08:29

Its becausing of cheating that many GCSEs have no coursework now and many students with SEN have extra stress in more exams.

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:28

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:26

The image she has is on a screen, we dont have a printer, i need to get it off the screen first, but the paper i have is too thick to see even with the brightness/contrast turned up. Im going to see if she will go to town and grab some stuff first, as i cannot walk properly at the minute, which is a whole differenty thread, but me taking her isnt an option. If that fails, i can ask her to see if any of her local friends have any trace paper or a printer and wouldnt mind printing it off for her.

So much ‘I’ and ‘we’ in this. It’s not your coursework it’s your daughters!! Just back off, you must be completely stressing her out at the minute. I’m stressed for her - you seem to be making this really hard and adding levels of complexity that she may not have added herself to the project if you hadn’t got so involved.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/05/2025 08:28

Art GCSE isn’t just about your artistic skill, it’s about your ability to reflect on you work and to use it to plan your direction. It won’t matter if the portrait she’s drawn is awful, it may even gain her marks if she includes a reflection to say she knows that her portrait isn’t realistic in the way that the original is and that she has decided to go down the abstract route but keep some of the key aspects of the portrait such as colours, ratios or shapes.

Also if she’s struggling to draw the portrait has she tried the method where you draw a grid over the original and then break drawing the picture down into those individual squares? She’d just need a ruler and a light pencil so may be easier than tracing if you have no suitable paper. Breaking the photo into squares and focusing on copying each section as a stand alone area can help with getting ratios and proportions right, if she can’t get her face to look realistic that might be why? It can also help to turn the original upside down and copy it that way as the brain is then less likely to try and draw based on what it thinks a face looks like, rather than what it can see, and more likely to draw what is actually there. I have adhd and both of those techniques helped me when I did my art gcse.

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/05/2025 08:27

It must be really hard when you just want to help your child op. You wont be around for ever though, and she needs to do things herself, please dont teach her that cheating is the way to achieve things.

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:26

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 08:22

You don't need to trace!!!! Google graphite transfer

The image she has is on a screen, we dont have a printer, i need to get it off the screen first, but the paper i have is too thick to see even with the brightness/contrast turned up. Im going to see if she will go to town and grab some stuff first, as i cannot walk properly at the minute, which is a whole differenty thread, but me taking her isnt an option. If that fails, i can ask her to see if any of her local friends have any trace paper or a printer and wouldnt mind printing it off for her.

OP posts:
Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:25

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:21

Ill have a look for some guides or methods to learn to draw faces if we cant figure out the tracing, thank you.

Why can’t she do that? You’re still interfering. Let her work out what she needs to get this finishing.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 05/05/2025 08:25

I can’t believe you’ve been helping her as much as you have tbh. When she wakes up it should be totally up to her whether she does this portrait or not, and how she goes about it. Even your “encouragement” and advice around tracing options are too much help. These are the skills we learn as young people going through the education system, as much as the subject knowledge itself. She’s going to be totally useless in a work environment if she’s being hand held to this extent. Maybe you need to be less perfectionist and she won’t get so anxious about things. Judging her portrait as less good than the one you did. Let her be a bit crap and fail in this subject and let that be ok.

ConflictofInterest · 05/05/2025 08:25

I can see why but I think you've got completely lost in the detail and need to take a break from helping her and think about the bigger picture. You doing her work is absolutely pointless. So is micromanaging it all for her. She'll lose confidence this way.

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:23

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:15

What rest of cheating? I wrote out some time lines that literally came up top on a google search on post it notes so she could write them on to the pages needed, whilst she was doing teh sketches neded. If i left her to it alone she wouldnt have finished the work, but i havent done anything for her until last night, which she doesnt even know about. Her work is all her own at the minute. And as i suspeced, giving her this outline for her to finish is toomuch help, ive already said i wont give it and look for an alternative way of helping her finish.

Its really hard to see your child, who tries her absolute best, get so upset and frustrated over something so minor though, all i want to do is help her and take away some of the stress as its not just one subject, she has the other 8 she needs to start focussing on too. And i kow her, she will not focus on anything else with this drawing not completed.

If i left her to it alone she wouldnt have finished the work, but i havent done anything for her until last night, which she doesnt even know about. Her work is all her own at the minute

Start by believing in her first. Have faith in her ability to work it out for herself. And if she fails, then you can talk through what went wrong for next time.

As someone with ADHD, my parents’ belief in my ability and their lack of interference in my studies, except when I reached out for help (usually at 11 night before an exam), was the best thing they did for me during my GCSEs and a levels. They never told me off for leaving things so last minute (as they knew what I was like), but gave me encouragement and focus to what I could get done in the time I had left.

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 08:23

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:15

What rest of cheating? I wrote out some time lines that literally came up top on a google search on post it notes so she could write them on to the pages needed, whilst she was doing teh sketches neded. If i left her to it alone she wouldnt have finished the work, but i havent done anything for her until last night, which she doesnt even know about. Her work is all her own at the minute. And as i suspeced, giving her this outline for her to finish is toomuch help, ive already said i wont give it and look for an alternative way of helping her finish.

Its really hard to see your child, who tries her absolute best, get so upset and frustrated over something so minor though, all i want to do is help her and take away some of the stress as its not just one subject, she has the other 8 she needs to start focussing on too. And i kow her, she will not focus on anything else with this drawing not completed.

You’ve crossed the line with the amount of support. I’m well aware how hard it is but this isn’t helping.

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 08:22

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:21

Ill have a look for some guides or methods to learn to draw faces if we cant figure out the tracing, thank you.

You don't need to trace!!!! Google graphite transfer

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:21

chillibuns · 05/05/2025 08:17

There are many step by step tutorials online. Would this help? It would break it down for her. Agree with previous posters, it’s best if it’s her own work.

Ill have a look for some guides or methods to learn to draw faces if we cant figure out the tracing, thank you.

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 05/05/2025 08:20

There’s a lot of people who are talking about letting their kid learn about consequences and letting them fail, but I don’t think they realize that a lot of adhd kids start off assuming that they will fail, because they are so used to falling. So the only thing they learn by failing again is that it was pointless to even try in the first place.
I have taken my daughter out of mainstream school and put her in a vocational college doing something fun and low impact just so she gets used to what it feels like to not fail.