Husband won't work full time

Nobody needs a full day off each week to do housework - if they’re relying on handouts they should both be working full-time.

You need to stop taking money from your parents first of all; once you're independent again you can work out if that's enough to live on. The easiest route would be to see what costs can be cut to live on the 8 days income each week you have. It's possible that one or both of you have some delayed shock that is making you both struggle; a GP should be able to refer you for support with this. It isn't a given that either of you is the default for housework nor for full- time work; you need to work together to find a solution.

Your parents need to stop the extra funding. It was a lovely thing to do whilst you deeply needed that time with your Dd, but it’s really unreasonable to keep that going now, taking advantage of their kindness.

You either need to see if you can manage on 4 days a week (without parents funding) by cutting some expenses. Or one or both of you go back to 5 days. If that’s you, your DH NEEDS to take on the whole load of what you’ve been doing at home, not just do nothing on that day. It doesn’t sound as though he’ll do that, so as you’ve said, the obvious solution is that he does the extra day. If you could manage on 4 days each with lower expenses, he equally needs to help you out with chores (as he should be doing in general anyway, but obviously with you doing more when you are the one doing less hours at work).

Very glad to hear your Dd is in remission. I can’t imagine how difficult that time must have been for you all.

No adult needs a day off work a week to do the laundry.

You have got yourself ina pickle.

you can have chronic fatigue syndrome but he can’t.

you can’t manage on eight days money.

te next real “I’m a martyr” he does nothing around the house except childcare - perhaps he doesn’t give a toss that your house isn’t gleaming, but everyone is fed, alive and full of laughter, and perhaps if you just backed off one weekend and did a chickpea curry for £2, a huge caldron of vegetable soup reduced from the market, and a bag of porridge for 80p and let’s see if it’s fun or moaning and I don’t mean the moaning instigated by you.

nearly losing a child really knocks it out of you, it sounds like you have plenty of support and an army of willing listeners to tell you how marvellous your coping, you’ve not said one thing about he is coping except that you think he’s making his health issues up.

you need to celebrate what you have, not look for what you haven’t got

Either you both need to go back to work full-time, or you need to adapt your lifestyle so you can afford to live on two part-time salaries.

I don’t like how you’ve framed it as your parents subsidising your DH when you don’t work full-time either. Unfortunately it’s rarely the case that parents of two children can afford not to work full-time.

I don’t think the housework is a red herring at all. If the OP were the one to go FT, she would be working 5 days plus all housework / admin, while dealing with chronic fatigue, and the husband would be working 4 days with one day of chill. Completely unfair. If he’s not picking up any of the slack at the moment, he won’t be in the future regardless of working hours

Have a quiet conversation with your parents and tell them to stop subsidising him. Cut out his favourite foods, stop buying alcohol, cut back on water heating Make it clear that your reduced standard of living is down to his laziness.

This doesn't make sense. The parents are subsidising all of them....

have you written a proper budget showing in/out? How much do your parents subsidise a month? Could you sell your house buy something smaller and be mortgage free?

Realistically your parents won’t be here to subsidise you forever! If his parents are alive do they know your parents are propping up your family.

My son goes into year 6 in September and the agreement with my husband was part time (30 hours in a school) until yr8. Honestly I’m dreading it. But I know we will need to save lots for university costs - I want them to be able to afford to fly the nest! So I understand his and your reticence to be full time.

There are a couple of different issues.

If neither of you want to work full time, that’s fine but your parents can’t support you. The alternative is that you make your lifestyle match two people working part time. If he doesn’t want to downgrade his lifestyle, there’s a conversation about where the extra income will come from, who needs to work more and who needs to do more stuff at home.

Your husband isn’t pulling his weight at home with childcare or housework. You’ve had plenty of arguments about this but he isn’t getting it and isn’t taking on more. So where does that leave you? Constantly having the same argument.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for. You can’t make him work full time anymore than you can make him do more at home. So unless you’re prepared to leave him, which might be the kick up the arse he needs, downgrade your lifestyle.

Do you get dla for your child and their needs?
your parents need to stop the money and then reassess the situation and decide which of u is going to work full time and housework etc

I am glad your daughter is in remission.

I agree with previous posts, you intend to stay at 4 days so why should it be DH that has to work 5? Could you up your hours and then he will have to do the things you do on your day off? Also shouldn't these tasks be shared regardless? What is he doing on his day off while you are doing everything?

I suggest you look at your budget and work out how much you need to earn - is it the amount your parents are currently subsidising or if you make cuts can you manage with both working part time?

Housework really needs to be shared out and he needs to stop being lazy.

you need to sit down and go through your finances with your husband to figure out how you are going to earn enough between two of you. Tell your parents to stop giving money. That will force both of you to figure it out asap.

You need to have a blunt conversation. He needs to pull his weight or the partnership is no longer a partnership, and he's becoming a freeloader. He needs to change employer to somewhere he can manage. Make it clear he is taking the piss.

Have a quiet conversation with your parents and tell them to stop subsidising him. Cut out his favourite foods, stop buying alcohol, cut back on water heating Make it clear that your reduced standard of living is down to his laziness.

Either he steps up or he will find himself on his own.

Your parents aren’t funding his part time work, they’re funding both of your part time work.
How old are your DC?
What jobs do each of you do?
Why are you allowing him to do no household jobs on his day off? just tell him - ‘right DH, you’re in charge of all the laundry plus the weekly food shop from now on’, then stop doing it yourself.

I agree with others. Sounds like you both need to be full time at the moment if your budget is so tight that you need outside help from your parents.
Can you or your husband increase the length of your work days so you still get a day off?

Perhaps your daughter’s cancer has made your husband realise there’s more to life than work and he’d rather be more present for his family. I think both people working 4 days a week is an ideal set up for a family. But only if you can cut your cloth to afford it. It’s unclear if your parents’ money is essential to supporting you or not. Either way, it needs to stop: I’d be embarrassed to keep on taking their money. It’s for you two to work out the lifestyle you want to live and how you will find it between you.

The house work is a red herring. Doing house work one day doesn’t mean you are entitled to work PT more than him. He needs to be doing it wether he works FT or not.

I agree with you OP, it should be your husband working full time. He does nothing on his days off and this won’t change if you go full time. He goes full time and you continue to do the house stuff

Either you reduce your outgoings so you can manage on part time money or one or both of you go back full time. It doesn't have to be your husband but if you go back full-time then chores need reassigning. If I was you I would look for full time and leave him with the domestic tasks because I find it easier and more interesting to be at work than doing home stuff. I can see why your parents are getting a bit miffed so something needs to be done. Are you paying them back? That may focus his mind a bit more.

I agree with pp. Your parents need to stop the additional funding and you both need to go back to work FT. Come up with a rota for the housework as he needs to do his fair share.

Stop taking the money from your parents. Have a frank conversation. Maybe you can join together for some side hustle and neither of you has to be full time employees, but clearly you need some more income, and he needs to be persuaded that housework is work and it needs to be shared.

All sounds simple, but the only bit that will be is you stopping taking the money from your parents. Go from there....

She does everything in the home on her day off, he does nothing.

I am glad your child is in remission OP. I think you need to accept your parents are funding you both to work part- time not just your husband. This hand out needs to stop. If you cannot afford to both work part-time then a serious conversation needs to be had. Do u both go back to fill-time? One of you? If so, which one? What will the one who is part-time do ?

Come on OP why is more valid for you to work 4 days rather than him.

the housework and life admin need to be shared regardless and you need to be firm and both sit down and share out duties.

you both need to adult up and take financial responsibility for your family, household and children. It’s not on him alone.

either find news jobs that don’t cause fatigue or stress or both go back so it’s fair. But deciding unilaterally that it has to be him and not you isn’t right.