Husband won't work full time

Why should he go full time when you won't?????

Looking after your own child isn't childcare.

I’m sure the emotional toll on you both has been enormous. Tell your parents to stop paying and see if it works out with him working 4 days.
I don’t really blame him for not wanting to return full time if your parents are paying. I’m about to return to five days a week from 4 and I know it’ll be really draining.

If he was asked about what he contributes to the household what would he say? It takes more than a paycheque to be a husband and father!

Yep, you explained it better than me!

NOT the same situation here. Both adults are fully capable of working FT in this situation.

The poster was referring to not needing to work part time simply to do housework - not referring to those who physically cannot work full time. It’s a completely different situation.

Which is exactly why I said they need share running the house

If you want your marriage to work then perhaps you need to make the conversation less about work and more about what he is willing to give up.

Tell him the money from your parents is stopping (to be honest if I was them I'd be saving it for when you leave him but that's a different conversation).

Then sit down together and work out your finances. If you are both continuing on the same hours, what needs to change? Get rid of a car, stop certain activities, move house etc.

Let him see the choices in black and white and based entirely on numbers.

Given you do everything in the house and have a health condition then I wouldn't be happy funding him to do less if I were your parents. It was obviously different when your child was ill.

I don't ever want to work full time again (or at least not in the role I do) but I earn as much as my husband even on less hours, I do the majority of the household stuff and we have virtually paid off our mortgage and have savings. I wouldn't make the same choice if I was expecting someone else to foot the bill for it.

We have also chosen to remain in a small house and don't have expensive holidays. Cut your cloth as they say so it's time for him to decide how.

Well if he is adamant he won’t work I’m sure he’s clever enough to work out how to use a vacuum cleaner and do some household “admin” whatever that is.

“I should add that my husband does absolutely nothing on his day off (though he helps with childcare at the weekend). I do all the housework, cooking, washing up, financial/household/school admin, overseeing homework etc, as well as dealing with my daughter's ongoing medical issues (this has been a long term source of arguments).”

Does he literally stay in bed all day, or sit on his own on the sofa, or do you mean he pleases himself with hobbies? When you say he does nothing, do you mean he literally does nothing, or just that he doesn’t do whet you consider he should?

I have a cleaner because I work full time with a disability and my PIP pays for that so I can work but they are not cheap! They will easily take up that extra days wage.
OP's husband needs to pick up the slack either working or housework. It would easily take me 2 full days to keep up with the chores here and I'd never get any time off.

It's more embarassing for OP's DH to be funded by OP's parents. OP has said:

'I do all the housework, cooking, washing up, financial/household/school admin, overseeing homework etc, as well as dealing with my daughter's ongoing medical issues'

Her DH doesn't do anything on his day off. OP is pulling her weight. He isn't. He sounds pathetic and lazy.

You should ask your parents to give the money they usually give, directly to you. All tell your DH that it's stopping and keep the money secretly aside. Let him see how it would be. Hopefully that'll force him into sorting his life out without actually causing too much financial pressure.

I'm really struck that you dont seem to be talking about money together. When dh and I were really cash poor, we had to have intensive discussions every single week about the budget and which bills to pay next and which ones could wait. We had a joint spreadsheet that set out all our outgoings and income week by week for the year ahead. This is definitely joint work that you cannot shirk, and particularly as you transition from being supported by your parents to independence.

I'm sorry but your parents' views on your health aren't the same as a doctor's views or indeed your own. I'd also be worried about the impacts of long term part time work on both your pensions. I wonder if there us a more creative approach to thinking about increasing your income and/or your ability to save once the years of peak childcare costs come to an end.

9 day fortnight for you both. With the expectation that certain things are done in that time. Seems fairest.

You say DH "can't see how much we would struggle if their help suddenly stopped". I'd add some urgency to the situation and let him see by telling your parents to end the support.

Then have an honest sit-down in light of the support ending. You could offer to do 5 days' work contingent on DH picking up the day of housework. (Consider if a 5th day at work is really more exhausting than a day of housework, depending what you do.) Otherwise, someone needs to find a higher paying job. You can work out who has the best prospect for that. Or you need a cheaper living arrangement and might need to move to a smaller house or town. There's options to explore.

Your poor parents!
It's lovely they helped you when your child was ill but now the two of you are taking the piss.

I’d be too embarrassed even on an anonymous online forum- to publicly admit I was taking monthly handouts from my parents as an adult.
Work FT/ don’t work FT but cut your cloth accordingly and budget like normal adults.
Is it your intention to repay them? if not you and lazy bollocks are a pair of total spongers.

They don't get a vote, but they can easily just stop contributing and leave them both in the shit.

I would be mortified to be in OP's shoes. Two grown adults with two children and neither of them work full-time and rely on mummy and daddy to pay their bills.

OP your dh not pulling his weight in on housework isnt an option. Either you stop doing it or he leaves.

you cannot have a grown adult unwilling to maintain the home they live in. He’s being a dirty rat.

if your parents are happy to subsidise you but not him, maybe think about separating.
But arguing about doing housework and getting a job is ridiculous for both of you.

I think you need to sit him down and explain that you can’t keep carrying his dead weight. List all the things you do, both financially and practically and ask him to do the same. Explain your parents will no longer bank roll him and put forward options.
Explain that if you go full time his day off will have to be housework and household admin because your health means you can’t do full time and all of the household chores.
Say he has 6 months to show he is doing that side or you will need to look at separation as this isn’t working for anyone but him.

They can’t afford a cleaner, they can’t even afford their current lives.

Have you sat down and had a discussion on what you will do financially and how you will survive when your parents stop paying? And if you were the one to go full time, what is expected from him regarding taking care of the house. All the chores you do on your "day off" that would become his responsibility.

You shouldn’t be giving your parents a buy into your marriage. They don’t get a vote because they contribute!
Neither of ye wants to increase working hours so come up with a plan together to facilitate this.