Husband won't work full time

I’m so glad your DD is ok - that must have been terrible.
I would just your parents money then sit down with him and discuss how to move forward. One of you needs to work more but then the other one needs to do more in the house. He can’t have it both ways. Once the money stops, he’ll be forced to face this.

This would make sense….if not for the fact OP does all the work around the home while he does little.

If he wants it to be her to go full time them he needs to do the lion share at home
but it appears he does not want to.

The OP can’t go 5 days as she’s doing all the housework. Ffs why is it up to women to manage men to do their share of housework. He’s a fucking adult. He should be doing it as a natural course of living there.

she shouldn’t need to discuss it with him. If he’s not doing it now he’s not going to magically start doing it if OP goes to 5 days is he.

It’s not hypocritical when the OP is doing all the house work. What’s stopping him from taking on 50%. OP shouldn’t have to manage this. He should be doing it all by himself like a big boy 🙄
if he’s not doing it now he’s not going to do it if OP goes 5 days at work.

Ask your parents if they'd give you some £ on the sly as a loan to help you build up a fuck off fund so you can get away from this opportunistic wanker.

I don't know how you can look at him. I'm so sorry you're in this position with this "man", but am very glad your child is in remission.

The housework isn’t a separate issue because he isn’t fucking doing any!

Because she's doing all the housework on the 5th day?

I’d divorce him. You may get more financial help that way.

“for health reasons” - you don’t believe CFS is a genuine health issue? CFS sufferers should just pull themselves together perhaps?

that’s one giant leap there…… seriously, that’s what you took from my post @C8H10N4O2

Reduce your outgoings instead of taking from your parents. Having a child with cancer may have led your DH to the realisation that time is more important than money. Obviously money is needed for basics, but most people are paying for luxuries they could go without.

“for health reasons” - you don’t believe CFS is a genuine health issue? CFS sufferers should just pull themselves together perhaps?

The OP was doing 4 days also because she does 100% of the home stuff including all the additional medical treatments/appointments for a child. That is more than a day per week unless they live in a hovel and eat microwave dinners from plastic trays.

The DH does fuck all.

From the OP’s first post:
"I should add that my husband does absolutely nothing on his day off (though he helps with childcare at the weekend). I do all the housework, cooking, washing up, financial/household/school admin, overseeing homework etc, as well as dealing with my daughter's ongoing medical issues (this has been a long term source of arguments)"

And from the other post:
I have struggled to get my husband to do his fair share of the housework for years to no avail, and it has put an enormous strain on our marriage. Unfortunately I don't think that will ever change regardless of how many hours I work

ie the DH will continue to do fuck all.

Personally I would struggle to live with a DH sponging off my labour and my parents’ money. If she LTB she would have one less weight around her neck.

Agree with this

if you don’t want to work 5 days why should he? You both need to stop relying on your parents

Agree with everything. Accept the 6 months part. If give him a month.

Your parents aren’t funding your DH working part time, they are funding BOTH of you working part time.

Why is it ok for you to work 4 days “for health reasons” but not your DH for his mental health? I think you’re being pretty hypocritical tbh.

The housework is a separate issue - what is his response when you talk to him about you having to do it all and him not helping?

Because he doesn't do anything on his day off, unlike OP who does everything in the house (cooking, cleaning) and for the children.

Also, why should OP's parents subsidise him to work part-time?????? If he wants to do this, he can get his own parents to subsidise him.

Your parents need to stop funding him immediately.

If they don't mind continuing to help, they could give money to you, just in case you need it, until things are sorted out. Your husband needs to feel the loss of income in order for him to adjust his lifestyle, by returning to work fulltime or doing more in the home on his day off.

This situation is really unfair on your DP's, who sound very generous, so I'm not surprised they're fed up. As others have said, I'm glad your DD is in remission and it must have been incredibly scary and stressful for all of you. I can see how, given the circumstances, you got yourselves into this situation but it really needs to change.

You need to sit down and create a spreadsheet that sets out your income (make clear what comes from your salary, his salary and your parents), all your outgoings and what you have left over at the end of the month. Seperate columns for essential outgoings and non-essential, and be brutally honest about what is genuinely essential. You then need another tab with the contribution from your parents removed, so your DH can see the impact it will have in black and white.

Once you've done that sit your DH down for a serious conversation. Show him the spreadsheet and tell him that your parents will no longer be contributing to your household finances so this is the new reality. Then ask him how he thinks you as a couple are going to manage the situation? He will likely not have an answer. So you outline the options for him.

1. You both go back to work full time and get a cleaner to help with house stuff, but only if you can afford it without taking handouts from your parents
2. He goes back to work FT, you stay 4 days and you continue to do the house stuff on your day off
3. You got back to work FT, he stays 4 days and he starts doing house stuff on his day off

If he chooses option 3 point out that you have been trying to get him so his share around the house for years, to no avail. Ask why you should believe him that he will be willing to do this now? I would suggest you give this option 6 months, and if he doesn't pull his finger out and start helping around the house then at that point tell him you're taking this option off the table and he needs to find FT work that will allow you to fund a cleaner, as per option 1.

Of course, there is an option 4, which is LTB. This will most likely also involve you going back to work FT but you would have one less child to clean up after in the evenings and on weekends. If he cannot recognise that the current situation of 2 adults being financially supported by parents rather than anyone being willing to step up and work FT is both unsustainable and frankly, embarrassing and accept that he needs to either work more, or do more around the house, then I would seriously consider option 4.

God, has he no pride at all?

Is working compressed hours over 4 days an option for either of you? You get a full time wage just working longer days.

And if he's not prepared to contribute equally in terms of paid work, parenting and housework then I'd consider whether the relationship is worth it or you'd be better off on your own.

I'd start with the perspective that it is reasonable for you both to work 4 days.
Stop taking your parent's money.

Have a proper sit down meeting with your husband and do a budget and look at what you need to cut.
Make sure it is fully detailed with everything coming in and out.

Also, write down all the housework and childcare tasks and split them.
Assign whole roles 50/50.

For example, your husband does school drop off every day including getting bags and lunches ready.
You do school pick up every day including over seeing homework.

If you are doing all your daughter's medical appointments, give him all household admin to do.

You do all laundry and clothing - washing, folding, putting away.
He does all food and cooking - meal planning, shopping, cooking.

You clean downstairs, he cleans upstairs.

Make sure you both have whole roles that you have total responsibility for and that have to be done.

Your parents need to stop supporting you.
Either reduce your outgoings, or you work 5 days a week and get a cleaner and he takes on some life admin or he works a fifth day.

He can absolutely stay at 4 days. But your parents need to stop funding. Either he takes to and adjusts to the drop in income or he works more. They are the choices.

Agree with this, if the OP works an extra day he won’t magically start doing all the housework on his day, or if he does, it will last for a few weeks tops, OP will come back from working that extra day exhausted to a dirty house and the resentment and arguments will intensify.

You can’t expect him to work five days if you’d prefer won’t. Only one of you has to work full time. Him saying he won’t cope with 5 days is equally valid to you saying it.