Husband won't work full time

We no longer live in the world where men are the main breadwinners. You need to decide who will take on the home management and who will do more paid work. And if possible you need consider repaying your parent (slowly) the money you borrowed if for nothing else than your own sense of independence and pride. Don't get me wrong, I agree with why you accepted it and I would have too, and now times are different, time to put things back in order.

They are funding both of you and you also work 4 days. Can you up your hours and do 5? He will have to take on house admin.

“Opportunity”

Is the issue the PT working and parental subsidy or the lack of domestic equity? I would focus on the latter first I think, as you say it is an ongoing source of tension. Very frank conversation, and a division of responsibility in the household stuff. I'd make it very clear what, for example, being responsible for laundry involves, step by step. And yes, you shouldn't have to, but you are where you are. We found areas of responsibility were more effective than divvying up each individual step.

It’s not just laundry though is it - it’s meal planning, food shopping, batch cooking, cleaning, all the admin relating to the DC including the ill DC’s appointments, taking the car for a service, doing the garden, planning holidays, going into school for class assembly / concerts / plays etc. etc. etc. - actually six hours per week (the time the DC are at school) is nowhere near enough for all that. And I know the response will be - well other parents work full-time and manage it all. To which the answer is, most actually don’t - anyone who earns reasonable money outsources at least some of that list (cleaner / meal box / online shopping / gardener), and those who don’t earn reasonable money probably work fixed hours so have plenty of time in the evenings because they finish work at five and don’t have to log on again when the DC are in bed. If OP’s DH would do his share then maybe she could manage going up to full-time, but why should she if he stays part-time and spends his day off lying around watching TV?

She doesn’t say she’s doing all the housework though. She says he does his at the weekend

Making money by joining a forum (never seen a regular describe MN as a “platform”) and targeting posters who mention they are strapped for cash.

Honest jobs are available.

This is very clearly a multi level marketing scheme. This poster will be making money off OP if OP joins up as a 'downline'. You won't make any money and will likely lose money paying upfront for the 'tools and training'.

That info call will be heavy sales pressure.

He feels too stressed to work five days.
He coped with four If you felt stressed
and knew you couldn't do five hopefully your husband would accept that Don't push him further than he can cope with just my opinion

You’ve spammed at least ten threads with your “side hustle” in the last hour or so.

If you want to push an MLM there is an entire topic devoted to them.

if he has different standards is it possible to adjust or his jobs be the ones that are objective in always needing doing. Ie weekly/monthly shop, laundry, dishes and appointments?

and yours more nebulous like hoovering putting dishes away etc?

BUT if he won’t clean or be involved in the health of your children what’s the point of him?

How many more threads will you be spamming today?

This poster has been spamming their “side hustle” on several threads - suggest you avoid or at least ask MN to check if they have approved the advertising.

Whose time, though? Because currently he sees his time as important and does what he wants with it. OP’s time isn’t important to him, it’s fine for her to use it for the entirety of the household load. And does he value his in-laws’ time? They’ve got to earn the money he’s spending. If he’s had a cancer-driven “this is what’s important in life!” revelation it’s a very, very narrow one that doesn’t actually benefit the person who actually had cancer, since he does nothing for his DD.

Op has he sought medical help for his mental health condition?

Well your parents need to stop the funding of this leisure day he chooses to take.
It's bizarre for them to be doing this.

He needs to take the hit personally for the money thats lacking. So what will he sacrifice?
You and kids shouldn't have to suffer.

If he hates his job he should find a new one. You as a family cannot afford him only doing those hours, unless it's literally only him personally having to deal with the financial consequences.

I think you’re minimising your dh’s feelings to say he ‘just doesn’t like his job and finds it stressful.’ It’s clearly having an impact on his mental health and there’s no more logical reason why he should be the one to go back up to full time rather than you.

where I do think a very firm stand is needed is over the domestic chores. If you both get a day off, then these should be shared equally.

I’m glad you can see that it’s not reasonable to rely on your parents financially any more. It was great that they could step up and support when your dd was very ill but now things have settled, you need to manage the finances with your dh.

I think either you have a really thorough look at if you can possibly both stay on 4 days work, but ensure all household tasks are split fairly.
That seems the ideal scenario. If you can’t afford it then maybe your finances are so tight that you both need to work full time now?

if it’s a case of one of you working 4 days (with responsibility of domestic things on day off) and one 5 days, then you need to sit down and have a really honest open discussion because you both have an equal right to be the one working less and doing more at home.

He’s not an amazing father. Amazing fathers share the load with mothers.

But mainly you need to stop having your parents fun you. Currently he can avoid having to have this discussion your parents are bankrolling you and you BOTH should be embarrassed at having them financially support you in this way.

I can't believe so many of you are giving the OP such a hard time. Do none of you realise what chronic fatigue is like? I went through it for a while, and literally couldn't push the vacuum round, without needing to stop and take a rest, and if I happened to sit in a chair to do so, would often fall asleep.

The OP hasn't mentioned her DH having any health problems, so as well as only working 4 days a week, he's letting his wife, who does have health problems do all the work that needs doing at home, while his sits on his backside and does nothing.

Personally I agree with the OP, that her husband is being lazy, and is scrounging off her parents to allow this. So, in your shoes OP, I would ask your parents, if they would give you the money discreetly, for the time being, so that you can tell him that they've stopped bank rolling him, and then tell him that he needs to do full time, whether it be in his current job, or taking a different job on his day off, which is perhaps less stressful, that's up to him. I would also be looking at cutting back any expenses you can, for example, do either of you have any hobbies that money goes on? Do you buy takeaways, or coffees while you're out, that sort of thing? If so, these should be the first things to go.

1. Your parents are subsidising your household and need to stop immediately.
2. You need to sit your husband down and tell him either you can go full time and he needs to start pulling his weight at home

OR

He can go full time and you do the lion share of domestic labour. His current idea for him to be part-time AND for you to do all the domestic labour is not an option.