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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really need some advice on inlaws

61 replies

Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:22

Hi all. How would you deal with this?
My m.i.l has asked my f.i.l is there is something going on with myself & f.i.l. Of course this is completely ridiculous.

Jealous type of woman and known for saying ridiculous things. However I feel that this is just unacceptable and crossed the line this time.
OH actually laughed when he heard but then approached her and said this was toxic etc etc and not to be speaking to us.

Thought I had an okay relationship with both pils however obviously not.
Haven't seen her since and don't really intend too just not sure what to do for the best if my children ask about her. I'm embarrassed upset and actually quite hurt about this.

OP posts:
Carpetty · 06/05/2025 09:22

I wouldn't dream of letting her see the children.
What if she says something?
She has spoken to other family.

Stay completely away and leave this to your partner to navigate.

This would be very upsetting for children to hear.
Don't risk it.

Elsvieta · 05/05/2025 22:00

Maybe she's seen signs that he's shagging SOMEBODY and she's trying to work out who.

Or else he's got a long history of infidelity and it's made her paranoid and mad.

Could be the beginnings of dementia.

PenelopeK · 04/05/2025 23:46

It sounds like you and your husband might be able to work out a way to stay in touch with FIL then if that’s what you want, I’d be a bit suspicious of him enabling her if she’s always been odd/nasty though. I’d be tempted to just stop speaking to them all if there’s issues with SIL too. What a nightmare!

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:43

Sil apparently added fuel to the fire when she was asked. Hated me and DH for 20years so would love a family divide. The jealousy runs in the blood.

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:42

@CraftyYankeeOh no. She would often say and do things like this...this just being the worst ao far. Perhaps bpd? But I'm not medical so couldn't possibly say

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:41

@PenelopeKmy husband has said he won't speak to her. It's the straw that has broke the camels back sort of speak.

However he wants kids to continue to see there DGF as he is the innocent party in all of this. Mil has supposedly really apologised to him and asked him to come back and he has. However we have not gotten an apology - not that I would accept it.

I'm afraid of bumping into her small village.

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CraftyYankee · 04/05/2025 23:40

Early sign of dementia?

PenelopeK · 04/05/2025 23:36

Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:32

@PenelopeK I know. How much worse can it get??!! Mortified really. My poor fil worried the kids won't come and see him now 😢

What has your partner said? Would he take the kids to see FIL on his own? Like a cafe or something. I’m surprised FIL isn’t leaving her tbh, not sure how they would move past this. Sorry you’re having to deal with it, sounds awful.

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:32

@PenelopeK I know. How much worse can it get??!! Mortified really. My poor fil worried the kids won't come and see him now 😢

OP posts:
PenelopeK · 04/05/2025 23:30

I genuinely don’t think you should be interacting with her at all to be honest, she sounds crazy. What is she going to come up with next?! Agree with PP tell the kids she’s unwell and just avoid (forever?)

Echhoingloudlyy · 04/05/2025 23:27

DramaQueenlady · 04/05/2025 21:25

Poor deluded woman Op! Is she going through the menopausal. Sounds mad. Id keep my distance for a goid while!

That’s such a judgmental thing to say. You too will have to go through the menopause, it happens to every woman. It does not make you think your DH is shagging your DIL.

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:23

@LemonLemon25 bad. Right?

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 23:23

@@Endofyear absolutely nothing medical. Always a bit unhinged but i mean holds down professional job and minds my kids often.

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LemonLemon25 · 04/05/2025 23:09

Oh wow. I thought bid seen it all with my ex mil but this is whole different level.

Kids just need to be told Gma is unwell and kept away.

Mmhmmn · 04/05/2025 23:04

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 04/05/2025 21:41

Just tell the dc honestly dgm isn't well.

This. You can only go by her mad behaviour.

Endofyear · 04/05/2025 23:01

Oh dear 😳 I can imagine this is upsetting for you and DH and poor FIL as well. Is she normally this bonkers or is this new behaviour? I only ask because when my dear old dad had a UTI in his 70s, it caused a lot of paranoid behaviour - he was convinced my mum had been on the phone to her 'boyfriend' and was planning to move him into the house. It was completely mad but he was sure we were all in on it, even the nurses when he was admitted to hospital. I'm just wondering if this is out of character for your MIL if there might be some medical going on, or mental health issue?

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 22:18

Bump

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 22:16

@Bunnyisputbackinthebox thanks. May have to do this one. Do you think its acceptable to let her have them? I really don't want too look like a pushover like I've just let this go

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:48

@IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear cringing off 😬

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IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 04/05/2025 21:48

Oh god, just seen she was telling other people about this suspicion of hers and not you. Fucking mortifying.

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:43

@IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear I'd love to know. She hasn't approached me at all I haven't seen her. I have seen fil who could not apologise enough. Feel awful for him 😞

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IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 04/05/2025 21:41

Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:33

@IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear absolutely 100% NOT the case. Absolutely no reason for thinking this!!!! I would maybe slightly understand if that was the case but nope......

Fair enough was wondering because it would make sense- up to a point. Still not ok for her to accuse you and him of shagging. I would definitely be keeping my distance from them for a while and it seems your husband thinks the same- thank god he’s shutting this shit down and not insisting on brushing it under the carpet for the sake of family harmony.

I’m so nosy though, I really want to know what possessed the MIL to a) think it and then b) confront either of you about it.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 04/05/2025 21:41

Just tell the dc honestly dgm isn't well.

Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:40

The worst bit was she was asking other family members and I just can't deal with this it's so embarrassing and I'm also so angry none of them told us that she was saying such bizarre remarks

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Original poster
Londongal85 · 04/05/2025 21:39

@DreamTheMoorsmostly cringed and haven't stopped since Blush

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