Page 2 | AIBU for wanting a little bit of privacy?

OneDeepReader · 04/05/2025 22:05

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UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 22:01

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 04/05/2025 21:45

Sounds like she has seen OP’s ex-partner going into OP’s phone so has never learnt that phones can be private.

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She's THIRTEEN, you're making excuses.

And considering this has been posted before, the OP knows she needs to change the phone access and start doing some parenting.

MereNoelle · 04/05/2025 21:58

Parent your child.

Lorlorlorikeet · 04/05/2025 21:56

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:49

She’s does have her own phone but she isn’t allowed social media so checks on mine so I can check what she is looking at. I should have mentioned that I did come from an abusive relationship and passcodes were always shared as her Dad was a control freak and would go wild if my code was changed. I am struggling to get out of that mindset.

Well, your daughter is showing some controlling behaviours, which is very worrying.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 04/05/2025 21:45

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:53

It's not hard.

It takes seconds.

Just do it.

The bigger problem that needs tackling is your daughter's disrespect.

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Sounds like she has seen OP’s ex-partner going into OP’s phone so has never learnt that phones can be private.

Maray1967 · 04/05/2025 21:43

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:51

Seriously did not think about that 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I’m a complete idiot 😂

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No, you’ve had a tough time - but you do now need to get tougher with her. Mine would have had serious consequences if they had done this.

Change passcode now and make sure she doesn’t see you entering it. Tell her firmly that access to your phone has stopped. If she doesn’t respect that, she will lose her phone or whatever will have the most impact.

She needs to learn to respect other people’s privacy. That includes her mum’s.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 04/05/2025 21:37

Seriously, stop being such a wimp. Change your passcode and stop letting your daughter behave as she wants. This is a ridiculous situation to be in and you’re acting as if you’re powerless. Parent her. Have boundaries.

edited: and yes I did see the ‘changing passcodes is hard for me.’ She’s not your ex. She’s your 13 year old daughter. Change your password and stop letting your child dictate to you and walk all over you.

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 04/05/2025 20:43

Meant gently, but it sounds like she is starting to move into abusive/controlling behaviours as she realises there are no real consequences for any of it. It sounds like she has an unusual amount of information about your dating life, which Im not sure is wise at 13.

Have you done the freedom programme?

Literally flick out of this now, and take 5 mins to change your passcode to something she wont guess, and add fingerprint if you want as well.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 04/05/2025 20:27

@BallerinaRadio yip on reading the op ,I thought this sounds familiar.

Elsvieta · 04/05/2025 20:18

Stop talking? And take action? As in, introduce consequences for wilful disobedience? I would think a week without her own phone would do the trick.

tripleginandtonic · 04/05/2025 20:02

You're the parent, act like one. You've obviously never told her no and meant it.

jenrobin · 04/05/2025 20:01

You ASKED her?! Asking means people can say no and carry on as usual.

Telling: "You are not allowed to look at my phone, and if I see you with it again the consequence will be (whatever usual consequence you give her)."

WorthyOtter · 04/05/2025 19:57

Just change the passcode. There's literally no other solution so not sure what answer you're looking for

ChompinCrocodiles · 04/05/2025 19:56

Yabu. Stop being such a wet lettuce, change your fucking pass code and start parenting.

Brefugee · 04/05/2025 19:56

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:51

Seriously did not think about that 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I’m a complete idiot 😂

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given your update, try to be kind to yourself.
But learn to set boundaries about who can look at your phone/private things and when.

And teach this to your daughter too. That is going to be an important lesson for her given your previous relationship.

Sherararara · 04/05/2025 19:55

Change the passcode, set up finger print or Face ID.

BallerinaRadio · 04/05/2025 19:54

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:48

Actually unless it's my imagination, I'm sure this actual thread has been posted before?

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Here to say this, I'm sure we've had this exact thread before. Usually with a load more backstory that follows.

PonyPatter44 · 04/05/2025 19:53

Fairly obviously, change your passcode to something she can't guess. Also, you need to have a come-to-Jesus chat with her about keeping her hands off your prop. She's not a baby, she can understand basic rules and manners. I bet she doesn't grab her friends phones at school and go through them.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:53

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:52

I’ve commented about why changing passcodes is hard for me. Love your username by the way 😂

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It's not hard.

It takes seconds.

Just do it.

The bigger problem that needs tackling is your daughter's disrespect.

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:52

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:47

At the risk of sounding really blindingly astoundingly obvious, change your passcode? 🙄

I’ve commented about why changing passcodes is hard for me. Love your username by the way 😂

OP posts:

Newmumhere40 · 04/05/2025 19:52

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:44

Hi 👋 My daughter takes my phone without me knowing or she will just grab it from me to check on Instagram or X/Twitter for example. She looks through my photos and looks on my apps. She is almost 13. I’m single and have joined all the usual dating apps. My daughter goes into them or checks my messages and starts asking about them or who a certain guy is. AIBU to want a little bit of privacy? I am constantly guarding my phone and hiding apps. I have set up Face ID for some of the apps so she can’t get into them but it doesn’t really make a difference as she knows my passcode. My life is basically not my own to be honest. I have spoken with DD and asked her to stop taking my phone but it’s like talking to a brick wall. I am even hesitant to post this in case she takes my phone and checks my emails and sees I have posted this. Any advice would be appreciated 😊

What the fuck?? What sanctions do you give her for this behaviour??

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:51

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:49

She’s does have her own phone but she isn’t allowed social media so checks on mine so I can check what she is looking at. I should have mentioned that I did come from an abusive relationship and passcodes were always shared as her Dad was a control freak and would go wild if my code was changed. I am struggling to get out of that mindset.

Oh come on, you can change it right now.

If you're unwilling to do it and you're not disciplining your daughter, how do you think anything's going to change?

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:51

Brefugee · 04/05/2025 19:47

set it to fingerprint only and give her consequences every time she tries to take it

Seriously did not think about that 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I’m a complete idiot 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 04/05/2025 19:49

She’s does have her own phone but she isn’t allowed social media so checks on mine so I can check what she is looking at. I should have mentioned that I did come from an abusive relationship and passcodes were always shared as her Dad was a control freak and would go wild if my code was changed. I am struggling to get out of that mindset.

OP posts:

TeenageRooster · 04/05/2025 19:49

Change your pass code, to something she won't guess. And point out that you could intrude into her life in embarrassing ways, and if she doesn't respect boundaries with you, you won't do it with her.