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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to suggest DH should leave the house a bit later so we can travel to work together?

88 replies

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 18:49

DH and I work for the same company. In two weeks, there’s a couple of days I am going to be working from his office. He likes to leave a little earlier to beat the rush hour traffic - by his own admission he doesn’t have any calls until 9 and spends the start of his day browsing the internet.
I start later than him so would arrive very earlier if I was to go in with him at his usual time. AIBU to ask him to leave a little earlier so he can take me in - we will both start on time but he says the journey will take him about 15 minutes longer due to traffic. This is his gripe, not that he needs to be in the office earlier to do anything. I would get the bus if he can’t take me in.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 04/05/2025 20:09

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:48

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

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So? Go for a coffee. Chill out. No need to expect him to lose his relaxing routine because you don't want one.

boobleblingo · 04/05/2025 20:05

You need to leave earlier, with him, not expect him to change his routine for you.

Enjoy the hour at the start of the day - go for a walk/run, read a book, drink a coffee, browse mumsnet, look out of the window...

Brefugee · 04/05/2025 20:01

For me, the person doing their regular thing keeps their timing and the person asking the "favour" fits in with them.

Digdongdoo · 04/05/2025 19:59

If it's only a couple of days why don't you just go in a bit early?
Take a book with you or something.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 04/05/2025 19:55

I leave early when travelling to work, I hate travelling later and getting stuck in traffic. I arrive 30-40mins before my start and either get a head start or eat my breakfast and read something on my phone. I would arrive really stressed and spoil my day if I travelled 20mins later. Just go to 20mins earlier and either flex your hours or do something with the time.

CaptainFuture · 04/05/2025 19:50

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:48

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

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So it is about your routine being pandered to?
Better he's late for work than you be a bit early?

Original poster
BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:48

rwalker · 04/05/2025 19:37

Is there any reason you can’t leave earlier

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/05/2025 19:44

Is there a massive drip feed here about why you can't leave earlier?

SnippySnappy · 04/05/2025 19:40

So you'd prefer to sit in 15 mins extra of traffic rather than set off 20 mins earlier and have a smoother journey?
As a fellow commuter there's no way I'd choose extra traffic if I could help it. Sorry OP but YABU

Helpmeplease2025 · 04/05/2025 19:39

You’re the one joining his routine, so you adjust to his time, if you want to go together.

rwalker · 04/05/2025 19:37

Is there any reason you can’t leave earlier

OddBoots · 04/05/2025 19:36

Do you have a childcare run or something you need to do before you head in that would stop you going in at the time he usually leaves?

HeddaGarbled · 04/05/2025 19:34

I’m with him. I always timed my commute to miss the worst of the traffic if I could. You want a lift, you need to fit in with his routine.

CaptainFuture · 04/05/2025 19:32

So you want him to adjust his current routine to suit you? How entitled!!

Thingsthatgo · 04/05/2025 19:29

I feel like this is a reverse.

FlatErica · 04/05/2025 19:29

YABU. 15-20 minutes to chill with a coffee before work plus a lift to the office? Sounds like bliss.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 04/05/2025 19:27

20 minutes?
Bloody hell. Go with him at his normal time.

What is it you need to do in those 20 minutes that can't be done earlier?

steff13 · 04/05/2025 19:27

If I were riding with him, I wouldn't expect him to adjust his schedule, I'd expect to adjust mine.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/05/2025 19:27

I can't see any benefits for him to do this at all. He's losing an easy drive, peace for his own thoughts, a controlled start to the working day and is beholden to your convenience.

You, of course, get the convenient transport door to door.

Leave with him at his preferred time and entertain yourself - or get the bus.

Mulledjuice · 04/05/2025 19:25

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:22

He’d leave 20 minutes later

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Wow that's nothing YABVU

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 19:24

Why can't you just get there earlier and have a coffee before you start?

Original poster
BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:22

Mulledjuice · 04/05/2025 19:16

Yabu. How much earlier are we talking?

He’d leave 20 minutes later

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 04/05/2025 19:20

Fighting through heavy traffic is tiring and stressful. He's sensible to avoid it and have a more relaxed commute to work.
Just go early with him and give a coffee when you get there.

I'm assuming you don't have children to get to school or childminder or anything because that would have been essential information to have in your op as it would fix your own schedule beyond your control.

AlmostSummer25 · 04/05/2025 19:19

I can't believe that him going by car and you going later by bus is even something that you'd contemplate. Jesus, you too don't even sound like you'd like each other let alone I happily married.

UnsolvedMysteriesRobertStack · 04/05/2025 19:18

No that might be his secret pleasure to have a bit of early quiet time. I like to get to work remarks and have a cup of coffee. Or even walk around the shops.